woman in my 40s, new to Hinge, help me with using the app.

[Anonymous]

Divorced 3 years, just jumping back in. I dont need to hear all about the guys just wanting hookups or what the rules for sex on the 1st/2nd/3rd dates are - read plenty and am confident enough not to let the turkeys get me down. I’m mostly curious about the actual app and how people use it. Like:

women, do you message or like first, or wait for men to reach out first?
if you wait, do you even bother with the ones who just like a photo without a comment, or something lame like ‘hi’ or ‘nice photo’?
if you message first, how often do they respond back? how long does it usually take if they do?
is it even worth sending roses to standouts? seems like they must get so many…
if someone messages you a good question about your profile but you don’t find them appealing, do you just ignore, or chat anyway?
after a chat runs its course and meetup doesn’t seem like a good idea do you officially unmatch or does it happen automatically or not matter either way?
how many chats do you keep going at once? I’m trying to go slow - dont have time or interest in making this a full time job.
do middle aged men lie about their age? I have not, and my range is 10 years younger to older, but I def dont want someone 15 years older.

what else should I know?

thanks!

[Anonymous]

There are no rules.

The last guy I met online turned out to be married. I saw him for a year.

Most men just want sex. So many horrible experiences.

I am done with it. Been divorced 4 years. Mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

I employ the burn haystack dating method and am ruthless. I also don’t send likes.

[Anonymous]

I think the apps don’t work in general. Remember, they are NOT in the business of people having lasting relationships- they are in the business of keeping people single and swiping.

One of my single girlfriends is doing speed dating this month. Maybe try something like that. Too many cheaters, hoes, and crazies on the apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I employ the burn haystack dating method and am ruthless. I also don’t send likes.

Lol what does burn haystack mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules.

The last guy I met online turned out to be married. I saw him for a year.

Most men just want sex. So many horrible experiences.

I am done with it. Been divorced 4 years. Mid 40s.

You dated someone for a year and didnt do a deep google dive to figure out his marital status? I have a first date on Tues and already know his most recent ex gf and when they broke up. Im not wasting my time on one date without getting some confirmation that they are legit who they say they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules.

The last guy I met online turned out to be married. I saw him for a year.

Most men just want sex. So many horrible experiences.

I am done with it. Been divorced 4 years. Mid 40s.

You dated someone for a year and didnt do a deep google dive to figure out his marital status? I have a first date on Tues and already know his most recent ex gf and when they broke up. Im not wasting my time on one date without getting some confirmation that they are legit who they say they are.

I could not find his info from the number he gave me. Life is complicated. He had a valid explanation of why I could not go to his house. We saw each other twice a month. He said he was divorced. I discovered he is likely not. I thought I knew when they divorced. I don’t think they did.

Meeting an ex girlfriend is weird. Would never do that.

My point is many men on apps only want sex. Many lie about their intentions and marital status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I employ the burn haystack dating method and am ruthless. I also don’t send likes.

Lol what does burn haystack mean?

I just googled this. Basically, the easiest way to find the needle in the haystack is to burn the haystack.

Something about it seems kind of reminiscent of “The Rules.” Basically, you aggressively put yourself out there and then act really weird to anyone who seems interested in you.

[Anonymous]

Step One: Remove the app.
Step Two: Put yourself in places that make you happy. Introduce yourself to people you are interested in knowing better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules.

The last guy I met online turned out to be married. I saw him for a year.

Most men just want sex. So many horrible experiences.

I am done with it. Been divorced 4 years. Mid 40s.

This is a you problem, not an app problem.

Anyway. OP I met my now fiancé on Hinge and we are getting married this year. Both divorced once before and in our late 40's. I am the happiest I have ever been.

There is the good news. Here is the reality, dating on apps in a numbers game. Like more than you can ever imagine matches and moving on than I ever anticipated.

You will quickly understand that there is zero harm in just matching with someone that seem remotely real or interesting because it is easy to just unmatch if you find out they aren't for you. It is an investment in time, so be prepared for that. But weed out people that don't spark anything on the app and then only meet for coffee or a drink so shorten the time spent on the initial meet. Saves everyone time and money.

I met a few creeps along the way, but I met far more interesting and fun men than I could have ever imagined. I am friends still with some as we both found we had a fondness, but not a romantic interest. Keep an open mind and be honest with people. At this age, those that are looking for a LTR don't have the time to just be strung along. It is kindest to cut someone off (and be cut off) if the spark is not there after the 2-3 dates.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I employ the burn haystack dating method and am ruthless. I also don’t send likes.

Lol what does burn haystack mean?

I just googled this. Basically, the easiest way to find the needle in the haystack is to burn the haystack.

Something about it seems kind of reminiscent of “The Rules.” Basically, you aggressively put yourself out there and then act really weird to anyone who seems interested in you.

I’ve screened out so many time wasters, men looking for a travel/sex companion, canned messages, and just guys not up to par. I play the numbers in my favor. It’s working quite well. Lots available, quality men. I love it. Not tieing myself to problems if I don’t have to. They compete against eachother or in happily single and unbothered. Off to equinox! Smooches!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules.

The last guy I met online turned out to be married. I saw him for a year.

Most men just want sex. So many horrible experiences.

I am done with it. Been divorced 4 years. Mid 40s.

This is a you problem, not an app problem.

Anyway. OP I met my now fiancé on Hinge and we are getting married this year. Both divorced once before and in our late 40's. I am the happiest I have ever been.

There is the good news. Here is the reality, dating on apps in a numbers game. Like more than you can ever imagine matches and moving on than I ever anticipated.

You will quickly understand that there is zero harm in just matching with someone that seem remotely real or interesting because it is easy to just unmatch if you find out they aren't for you. It is an investment in time, so be prepared for that. But weed out people that don't spark anything on the app and then only meet for coffee or a drink so shorten the time spent on the initial meet. Saves everyone time and money.

I met a few creeps along the way, but I met far more interesting and fun men than I could have ever imagined. I am friends still with some as we both found we had a fondness, but not a romantic interest. Keep an open mind and be honest with people. At this age, those that are looking for a LTR don't have the time to just be strung along. It is kindest to cut someone off (and be cut off) if the spark is not there after the 2-3 dates.

Best of luck!

I have mostly met creeps. I am done.
I won’t remarry; I see no advantage to marriage. I have invested a ton of time—it is not like you know more than me because you are getting married. You got lucky. Most people don’t. Apps have ruined normal dating.