DD friend with food allergies?

[Anonymous]

DD12 has a friend who she will often randomly ask me if she can come over after school. She’s not a neighborhood friend, so she can’t pop home quickly first for a snack. DD walks home. The girl is allergic to wheat and dairy, and some other things. I guess she has a very specific diet. We didn’t know about her allergies (she didn’t say, her mother didn’t warn) and she once got violently ill at our house. I’m really leery to have her eat in our house now, and even so, I don’t keep gluten-free and dairy-free treats at our house. If I knew she was coming, I would stock up, but it’s hard when they randomly decide they want to hang out at the end of the school day. DD will text and ask and then tell me I’m ruining her life when I say no. What’s the best way to handle this?

[Anonymous]

I'd say yes but no snack. If you learn what she can eat safely, you can offer that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say yes but no snack. If you learn what she can eat safely, you can offer that.

There are enzymes (or something) she’s allergic to. I guess she tends to eat the things, and then takes meds at home, but she doesn’t carry them with her. I don’t want to risk her becoming very sick at my house from snacks I provide that she actually can’t eat. It seems she’s not a very good advocate for her allergies yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say yes but no snack. If you learn what she can eat safely, you can offer that.

There are enzymes (or something) she’s allergic to. I guess she tends to eat the things, and then takes meds at home, but she doesn’t carry them with her. I don’t want to risk her becoming very sick at my house from snacks I provide that she actually can’t eat. It seems she’s not a very good advocate for her allergies yet.

So no snacks.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to run out to buy special snacks. If you have potato chips or tortilla chips, they're gluten free. Fruits are always an option.

I would not let lack of suitable snacks stop the girls from hanging out. At 12, she's old enough to be responsible for managing her food allergies.

[Anonymous]

PP who just read your follow up. Okay I'd just say no snacks.

[Anonymous]

Figure out three things and keep them stocked. By the way a snack can be an apple and a piece of cheese, it doesn't have to be something prepackaged with wheat or whatever. A box of raisins, a squeeze pouch of applesauce. This doesn't seem like it's that hard.

[Anonymous]

Fruit or no snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP who just read your follow up. Okay I'd just say no snacks.

Even after a long day at school? Often she stays until dinner when one of her parents picks her up!

I guess it’ll have to be chips and fruit.

[Anonymous]

If she and your dd are getting to be friends, I would reach out to her parents and see what she can eat. It might be something simple as apples/PB or mandarins.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a close friend and you want to
Go the extra mile, just text friend’s parent and ask what kind of snacks are good for the friend so you can have them available.

[Anonymous]

Apple, Banana, Oranges, Grapes

Don't buy anything special.

[Anonymous]

Pears, Carrot sticks, Celery sticks with nut butter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a close friend and you want to
Go the extra mile, just text friend’s parent and ask what kind of snacks are good for the friend so you can have them available.

This! If your DD wants to have her over, buy some shelf stable things and make them only for when she visits, ask her to pack her own snacks, or serve fruit. Don't forbid her from coming over.

Obv. best thing to do it contact her parents or ask them when they pick her up?

I understand your concern, but banning her doesn't seem right

[Anonymous]

It’s easy enough to stock fruit and gluten free chips in the house but I’d also find it easy to text the other mom and ask what you can keep on hand that won’t go bad quickly.