I don’t have the capacity for friendships

[Anonymous]

I am going through a divorce, working hard at my job, and building a business, while raising two kids. I really need to focus on improving my financial state right now. I’m realizing I don’t have time for some of my friendships. These are not my closest friends but we’ve been friends for several years and do stuff together as a group. I no longer want to participate in outings or group texts. I’ve tried to slow fade but it’s not working. How do I get out kindly?

[Anonymous]

You realize that you need your friends, and stop trying to push them away. You tell them you need to take a step back from outtings while you focus on getting yourself and kids settled in this new phase of live but you still value their friendships and think of them often, blah blah blah.

Don't dump perfectly good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You realize that you need your friends, and stop trying to push them away. You tell them you need to take a step back from outtings while you focus on getting yourself and kids settled in this new phase of live but you still value their friendships and think of them often, blah blah blah.

Don't dump perfectly good friends.

+1

I’m a friend dumper but good friends are hard to come by

[Anonymous]

Just mute notifications. If it’s important someone will te t you individually.

[Anonymous]

You need your friends more than ever right now.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to join you for free activities. Everyone likes a walk or hike

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to join you for free activities. Everyone likes a walk or hike

+1 Your mental state is important too OP.

[Anonymous]

Seems to be like they aren’t allowing the slow fade because they ARE good friends (to you anyway) and know you’re going through a lot. Don’t overlook this, OP. Agree with previous posters - everyone needs a walk or quick tea break. Maybe group outings are too draining for you right now, but some sort of pause in the chaos is good for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce, working hard at my job, and building a business, while raising two kids. I really need to focus on improving my financial state right now. I’m realizing I don’t have time for some of my friendships. These are not my closest friends but we’ve been friends for several years and do stuff together as a group. I no longer want to participate in outings or group texts. I’ve tried to slow fade but it’s not working. How do I get out kindly?

I get like this as well, particularly in rough patches. I feel so mentally, emotionally, and physically taxed that I don't want to be around people that are going to require attention. Like, I don't want to have to seem pleasant to someone else, I don't want to talk about my problems, I just want quiet in my brain. I also don't want to hurt anyone. But there seems to be this belief that being around people (even for tea or a walk) will be a positive. It's not for me.

[Anonymous]

I also don’t have the capacity. If I take care of our needs each day. My needs, the things the kids can’t do, etc. That’s all I can do. Suddenly it’s 10:15 and I need to go to bed. Start the next day.

I wish I could chill out, but then important stuff doesn’t get taken care of. We dysregulate as a family so badly when we haven’t taken care of ourselves. Like, we think sometimes we can chill and watch movies all day Sunday, but we pay for it later. Anger at bedtime, panic the next morning.

We do our routines and stay with it so we can all have a peaceful, smooth existence.

If I could add friends to that, I would. If I had 1-2 more hours in any given day, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to join you for free activities. Everyone likes a walk or hike

+1 Your mental state is important too OP.

It is not that I am not prioritizing my mental state. It’s moreso that I am. And I’m realizing that additional social obligations are just not what I need right now. I do have social support of family and a couple of close friends. It’s the extra friends in addition to that I just do not have the capacity for. And im tired of feeling guilty for not having reciprocal energy to offer. I was iffy on these friends even before the divorce, but now my world is turned upside down and I need to be laser focused on building a new one.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with most posters on here. I’m divorced, and I have no capacity for friendships and honestly going through a divorce, having “friends” is actually the worst thing because usually they’re just making it worse than it is giving you more negative energy not letting you move on it’s really not helpful. I also don’t have the capacity for any of this anymore and not having friends around when you’re going through this can actually be very beneficial. She can always rebuild friendships later if she wants to but sometimes having to go out and stuff like that is really not helpful during this period at all when you’re trying to like get through your decision.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I also want to add that I really don’t want to hurt my friends feelings so need advice on the gentlest way to exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to join you for free activities. Everyone likes a walk or hike

Not helpful: not OP. I literally don’t have time for things like this. Time because becomes a much more compressed when you’re getting divorced or after you’re divorced you don’t have time for any extras that don’t add to your life, so if you have a couple of close friends, that’s all you need you don’t need a gaggle of friends and it is too much social pressure.

OP: just decline invitations because you just don’t have time right now

I suspect most of the people on here have not been divorced and have no idea what they’re talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also want to add that I really don’t want to hurt my friends feelings so need advice on the gentlest way to exit.

“ I’m sorry I’m going through a lot, and I just don’t have time to get together.”