Dad fell, SIL lives closest

[Anonymous]

My DH's father who already has issues fell and is immobile for several weeks. His sister lives in the same town and took him in and is doing the majority of the caregiving.
We live three hours from them at least, but my DH has been going for a day a week to help and also doing things remotely (like paying his bills and what not). DH is currently not working and is looking for a job so his schedule is more fluid. His sister just asked if he could spend the next full week at her house because she has used up all her sick time caring for their dad.
The issue is that I have three weeks of on and off work travel coming up starting Monday and now our kids would have nowhere to go. DH is asking me if I can postpone my business trips which I really do not see how I can do at this late stage. I suggested that we somehow find a way to get his dad moved in with us for a while but that's really not tenable since his doctors are up there. I am not sure what to do. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

12 and 6

[Anonymous]

Do you have family who can come stay at your house and watch your kids while you’re away?
You guys need to figure it out if SIL has been doing the heavy lifting and is out of leave.

How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

How old are you kids and when is your travel? Can he go to his father when you're in town? It'll be a lot of travel for him, but would give your SIL a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have family who can come stay at your house and watch your kids while you’re away?
You guys need to figure it out if SIL has been doing the heavy lifting and is out of leave.

How old are your kids?

12 and 6. I can probably postpone one trip but not another that will be four days starting next week where I'm the lead presenter.

[Anonymous]

Don't conflate your three weeks of "on and off" travel with the one week she's asking for - what are you actually looking at? Two days of childcare coverage needed during that week? Three? Take it from the actual problem and fix that. Can someone someone from your side of the family come stay with you to cover those days during the week DH goes to his sister's? Can you pull the kids from school and send them with DH for those days?

If your SIL has used up all of her sick leave during this emergency while her unemployed brother helps pay some bills remotely, this ask is actually very reasonable. You should be trying to find a way to make it happen, not looking for offense that you didn't get enough notice.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like FIL needs to move somewhere with caregivers that don't have their own full-time jobs and families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't conflate your three weeks of "on and off" travel with the one week she's asking for - what are you actually looking at? Two days of childcare coverage needed during that week? Three? Take it from the actual problem and fix that. Can someone someone from your side of the family come stay with you to cover those days during the week DH goes to his sister's? Can you pull the kids from school and send them with DH for those days?

If your SIL has used up all of her sick leave during this emergency while her unemployed brother helps pay some bills remotely, this ask is actually very reasonable. You should be trying to find a way to make it happen, not looking for offense that you didn't get enough notice.

I'm not looking for offense, I'm trying to figure out how to do what she's asking without blowing up my job while my spouse is out of work!

[Anonymous]

In hindsight, DH should have been the first responder in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In hindsight, DH should have been the first responder in this situation.

How is someone who lives three hours away a first responder?

[Anonymous]

And what happens after next week? Your fil needs consistent care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH's father who already has issues fell and is immobile for several weeks. His sister lives in the same town and took him in and is doing the majority of the caregiving.
We live three hours from them at least, but my DH has been going for a day a week to help and also doing things remotely (like paying his bills and what not). DH is currently not working and is looking for a job so his schedule is more fluid. His sister just asked if he could spend the next full week at her house because she has used up all her sick time caring for their dad.
The issue is that I have three weeks of on and off work travel coming up starting Monday and now our kids would have nowhere to go. DH is asking me if I can postpone my business trips which I really do not see how I can do at this late stage. I suggested that we somehow find a way to get his dad moved in with us for a while but that's really not tenable since his doctors are up there. I am not sure what to do. Any ideas?

Can you hire someone to help SIL? When your trips are over then can you dh go to help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't conflate your three weeks of "on and off" travel with the one week she's asking for - what are you actually looking at? Two days of childcare coverage needed during that week? Three? Take it from the actual problem and fix that. Can someone someone from your side of the family come stay with you to cover those days during the week DH goes to his sister's? Can you pull the kids from school and send them with DH for those days?

If your SIL has used up all of her sick leave during this emergency while her unemployed brother helps pay some bills remotely, this ask is actually very reasonable. You should be trying to find a way to make it happen, not looking for offense that you didn't get enough notice.

I'm not looking for offense, I'm trying to figure out how to do what she's asking without blowing up my job while my spouse is out of work!

1. Identify the actual days of coverage you would need for the one week.
2. Your family pitches in to provide it.
3. You hire someone to provide it.
4. You arrange sleepovers with the kids' friends to provide it.
5. You pull the kids out of school for those days and they go with DH.
6. Some combination of 2-5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have family who can come stay at your house and watch your kids while you’re away?
You guys need to figure it out if SIL has been doing the heavy lifting and is out of leave.

How old are your kids?

12 and 6. I can probably postpone one trip but not another that will be four days starting next week where I'm the lead presenter.

Do a combo of asking a relative to cover for some days and taking the kids out of school for others so DH can take them with him.

Or, 12 year old can probably stay with a neighbor while the 6 yr old goes with dad.