Former Victim Of Domestic Violence 🙁

[Anonymous]

I was with an abusive man the majority of last year.

It was just awful.
He hit me, trapped me in his house for hours & left bruises on me often.

I complained to friends about him and they usually offered their support + encouraged me to leave him.

But I took him back - about 4x overall.
Eventually they grew tired of me complaining to them, then going back to him and their support turned into anger.
Some accused me of making it all up because (understandably so!) I kept returning to him after abusive incidents.

I finally got into therapy and found the strength and willpower to leave him for good.
I was granted a restraining order and am now truly happy and free.

The problem is that my friends are still mad that I took him back all of those times and they still think I lied about the abuse.

I 1000% understand their anger and frustration at my back + forth behavior, however I never lied about being abused.

How do I regain the trust of these friends?

[Anonymous]

If this is real, just move on.

[Anonymous]

You need to do some self examination to understand the you went back. Did you think he’ll change and he’s really sorry? Did you think his behavior could be justified? Or, were you a little afraid of him harming you if you didn’t do what he said and acquiescence was for your perceived safety?

[Anonymous]

Why the frowning emoji?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to do some self examination to understand the you went back. Did you think he’ll change and he’s really sorry? Did you think his behavior could be justified? Or, were you a little afraid of him harming you if you didn’t do what he said and acquiescence was for your perceived safety?

Unfortunately my experience is 1000% genuine.
I wish I did make this up and get 2023 back again instead of wasting so much time with this loser.

I am in therapy addressing my reasons for staying w/this abusive man so long.
I am in my 40’s & my children have recently flew the coop so some of it was due to loneliness I am sure as well as a distraction from missing my kids.
Also I had been single over a decade + it was nice to have someone tell me how pretty I was, how much they loved me, wanted me, etc.

I really wish my friends would believe that yes, I was guilty for returning to my abuser yet I am not guilty of being dishonest in all I endured.

[Anonymous]

*flown the coop

[Anonymous]

If you are still in therapy, explore why you were in an abusive relationship and why you want to be friends with people who don't believe you. In short, work on yourself and start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are still in therapy, explore why you were in an abusive relationship and why you want to be friends with people who don't believe you. In short, work on yourself and start over.

This.

These are not your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are still in therapy, explore why you were in an abusive relationship and why you want to be friends with people who don't believe you. In short, work on yourself and start over.

This.

These are not your friends.

+1 and I was also married to an abuser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are still in therapy, explore why you were in an abusive relationship and why you want to be friends with people who don't believe you. In short, work on yourself and start over.

This is great advice.
I think it is really sad that just because a victim returns to her abuser seems to equate that the abuse never happened. That is a fallacy in itself.
Plus any good friend will never accuse you of making something up. Ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please go troll elsewhere. Maybe with your husband and neighbor who looks like Snow Whire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with an abusive man the majority of last year.

It was just awful.
He hit me, trapped me in his house for hours & left bruises on me often.

I complained to friends about him and they usually offered their support + encouraged me to leave him.

But I took him back - about 4x overall.
Eventually they grew tired of me complaining to them, then going back to him and their support turned into anger.
Some accused me of making it all up because (understandably so!) I kept returning to him after abusive incidents.

I finally got into therapy and found the strength and willpower to leave him for good.
I was granted a restraining order and am now truly happy and free.

The problem is that my friends are still mad that I took him back all of those times and they still think I lied about the abuse.

I 1000% understand their anger and frustration at my back + forth behavior, however I never lied about being abused.

How do I regain the trust of these friends?

Oh, sweetie... No. The problem is: those people suck as friends. Invest no time in trying to please them. They're trash.

I have had an ongoing situation with an abuser for many years now, because some of the abuse was financial and leaving isn't something everyone can just up and do. And the same people have heard the same complaints for years, without judgment, mostly because several of them have survived similar circumstances. They are real friends who listen and support and help when/how they can.

Your "friends" aren't. And you deserve to have people in your life who actually care about you, not just whatever image of you or service you provide that they're interested in. If their reaction to hearing you were repeatedly abused was to act like you harshed their buzz, they need to regain your trust.

Because you've been abused, it may be hard to hear/believe this now. Please try to trust me. No true friend would be frustrated with you for being abused, or need an apology from you for doing whatever it took to survive and escape, no matter how many times you got sucked back in. Abusers do that. Reasonable people understand.

Please spend your time and resources healing yourself and looking for more compassionate companions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with an abusive man the majority of last year.

It was just awful.
He hit me, trapped me in his house for hours & left bruises on me often.

I complained to friends about him and they usually offered their support + encouraged me to leave him.

But I took him back - about 4x overall.
Eventually they grew tired of me complaining to them, then going back to him and their support turned into anger.
Some accused me of making it all up because (understandably so!) I kept returning to him after abusive incidents.

I finally got into therapy and found the strength and willpower to leave him for good.
I was granted a restraining order and am now truly happy and free.

The problem is that my friends are still mad that I took him back all of those times and they still think I lied about the abuse.

I 1000% understand their anger and frustration at my back + forth behavior, however I never lied about being abused.

How do I regain the trust of these friends?

Have them watch The Maid, mini series

Maybe they’ll get it then.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

[Anonymous]

They're not your friends.

[Anonymous]

On average, a woman will usually return to her abuser an average of seven times. Yes! Seven!
And just because a woman takes her abuser back in does not indicate that she concocted all of her previous abuse incidents for pity.
It just means that she needs more time to value herself more to see she does not deserve the harsh treatment any longer.