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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Friend is "hitting" on my husband who's okay with it? Should I be concerned.
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Anonymous
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Long story short: A woman, early 30s, moved into our neighborhood 1.5 years ago. She's not married and rents a small older house. My area is fairly high income and most older houses have been torn down and rebuilt with $2m homes. When she moved in a bunch of us wives became friends with her. She's very nice, works hard (has a career in sales and marketing for a major corporation), and everyone gets along with her.
During the winter break my family (me, husband, one kid) and another family (wife, husband, two kids) and her decided to get away and we rented a house in the Shenandoah. We were there for several days and it was great to relax in the mountains with bonfires and fireplaces, fresh air, the woods, etc. But, I noticed my friend was getting very chummy with my husband. They've known each other since she moved into the neighborhood but they never really interacted much aside from being neighbors. But, during the trip she started sitting next to him every chance she got. Would offer to help him get wood, clean up, etc. I found them talking more on this trip than the last 1.5 years combined! I admit, in secret, I'm a little jealous of her because she is very pretty. The kind of pretty that when we're out guys turn their heads. She has no issues getting men and regularly dates so I don't get why she's becoming so friendly with a man who's married with a kid! I mean, she can have ANY GUY SHE WANTS for the most part. She looks similar to a young Ali Larter actress. The reason that's it's an issue for me is because that trip was two weeks ago! And now she's texting my husband. That never happened before this trip! He didn't even have her number. But, now they are texting each other which is just strange to me. I asked my husband what they're talking about and the topics are just normal stuff like weather, work, asking about things around the house. My husband has no issues with it. In fact the other night I asked what she was texting about when she texted and he just handed his phone over to me. I mentioned to him it was odd she was suddenly texting him all the time. He didn't seem to have an issue at all! I mean, really? I told him I didn't like it and she sort of blew me off as if I was making more of it than it was. We didn't argue or anything, but I'm still thinking about why she's getting so friendly with my husband if not for the fact she's trying to get with him. I asked one of the other wives in our neighborhood and she said maybe they just became friends over the trip. Sure, that's fine. But, normally single women don't text married men. At least that's how I look at it. And sorry but I don't like a pretty little young thing texting my husband. This will really bug me and it will bug me even more if my husband keeps thinking it's not a big deal. |
Anonymous
| Well, obviously, she's never coming on a trip again. I have single girlfriends and they are always friendly but respectful with my husband and vice versa. In no way would I ever worry about their interactions. But I 100% believe you felt the interactions were off my 1 or both of them. That's enough to never encourage it again. |
Anonymous
| Just tell him you’re not comfortable with it and ask him to stop texting. Even if he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, if he values your feelings, he will stop. |
Anonymous
| I would suggest the three of you going on a date and seeing where it leads to. It may open up some interesting possibilities in your relationship... |
Anonymous
| How did you think the weekend would go? That’s the weirdest part to me. You are jealous of her and invited her to spend the weekend your family and another’s? Did you really think she would spend any time becoming better friends with the husbands? |
Anonymous
I second this (and third it, hehe) |
Anonymous
| She may be developing her own friendship with him, but it’s inappropriate - especially since it’s making you uncomfortable. I think you need to make your discomfort crystal clear, to both of them. |
Anonymous
| Nip it in the bud. |
Anonymous
| Is she really looks like Ali Larter and I were your husband, I’d want you all over that. Literally |
Anonymous
+1 Men tend to accuse women of overreacting and being sensitive, so be prepared for that but stand firm and try not to get emotional. |
Anonymous
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Why do you want to control your husband just because of your insecurities? He handed over the phone without prompting so you could see the content of their conversation. He's not hiding anything.
If she was ugly or elderly, would you be OK with it, or are you employing a double standard? |
Anonymous
| They are already having an affair. |
Anonymous
Yes. Friendships can quickly evolve into other things. Today's morality has become situational and there are fewer social safeguards such as church precepts that people follow. The neighbor owes you nothing but your husband should respect limits that you agree on together ASAP. Some people will not feel guilty about moving in on a spouse. They'll just do it to see if they can. Don't worry if it makes you look weird. |
Anonymous
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It is not appropriate at all.
I can understand, the worse is your husband just playing along. He likes the attention he is getting. Also I would not have invited her in the first place in this cozy trip. |
Anonymous
| The dude is hiding nothing. This is your problem, not his. |