S/O How to know someone’s serious vs love bombing?

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard it before and it was reiterated in the other post that if a man is serious about you he will make every effort to be with you. No need to wonder, he will basically be all about you.

But how does it look or feel different from love bombing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard it before and it was reiterated in the other post that if a man is serious about you he will make every effort to be with you. No need to wonder, he will basically be all about you.

But how does it look or feel different from love bombing?

Love bombing - he will make excuses for lack of time and tell you all kinds of things—but he doesn’t actually do them. Will get you hooked on charm and giving countless compliments—best ever, kind of crap. Common in affairs.

[Anonymous]

Actions over time. Watch them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard it before and it was reiterated in the other post that if a man is serious about you he will make every effort to be with you. No need to wonder, he will basically be all about you.

But how does it look or feel different from love bombing?

Love bombing - he will make excuses for lack of time and tell you all kinds of things—but he doesn’t actually do them. Will get you hooked on charm and giving countless compliments—best ever, kind of crap. Common in affairs.

Disagree. People can keep this up for 10 years or so. I would say depth. Do things seem a bit superficial and out of the blue? Or really well thought out and consistent? People who love bomb often just have an agenda and there isn't much below the surface.

[Anonymous]

Love bombing is hard for women to see past regardless of her age and experience. The way women’s brain respond to men love bombing them is very different if women were doing it to men. Even if a woman knows that a man is lying, there is still that hope that perhaps he means it.

[Anonymous]

Serious: will spend a lot of time with you doing normal stuff.
Love bombing: says he’d love to spend a lot of time with you but can’t seem to find the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious: will spend a lot of time with you doing normal stuff.
Love bombing: says he’d love to spend a lot of time with you but can’t seem to find the time.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Intensity

If it feels like you can’t live your normal life, it’s probably love bombing.
If you pull back a little, or aren’t available (because life got busy or you need to travel), do the either move closer harder or pull back and punish you?
Does it feel like you are always a little unstable? Just when you feel like you’ve caught your breath, thinks shift?

When I met DH, I felt calm and stable. I was falling in love, but it didn’t feel like I was on a roller coaster with amazing highs, and thrilling lows.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Washing dishes and doing laundry an buying groceries vs buying flowers and chocolate and lingerie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Washing dishes and doing laundry an buying groceries vs buying flowers and chocolate and lingerie

Agreed. Also being good with other people and caring about them.

[Anonymous]

Disagree w all of the above. W lovebombing, they will stun you with words of affirmation, or gifts, or affection, or whatever their/your love language is. Once you are “hooked,” the true elements of their personality & agenda start to creep out, usually at the 4-6 month mark, and it can look very different. But you are confused by the cognitive dissonance, bc you are already hooked by their prior conduct. With actual seriousness, it doesn’t end, they are who they say they are, do what they say, act how they profess to feel, and are consistent over time even as you get to know each other more deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actions over time. Watch them

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree w all of the above. W lovebombing, they will stun you with words of affirmation, or gifts, or affection, or whatever their/your love language is. Once you are “hooked,” the true elements of their personality & agenda start to creep out, usually at the 4-6 month mark, and it can look very different. But you are confused by the cognitive dissonance, bc you are already hooked by their prior conduct. With actual seriousness, it doesn’t end, they are who they say they are, do what they say, act how they profess to feel, and are consistent over time even as you get to know each other more deeply.

This is a good description, as a NP who experienced it with, yes, my current DH. I don't know if my DH necessarily planned it or if it just worked out conveniently for him, but the 4-6 month mark coincided with a big shift in his job/travel responsibilities. This masked a lot of what was going on. I did feel the cognitive dissonance but dismissed it.

If you're dating and someone has a big shift in their lifestyle, even if they're not the one driving it, pause! Give yourself more time to see who they really are and don't fall back on "they're just busy with work and it will be different when this client engagement ends" or whatever. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

My AP love bombs me everyday and I've told him to stop. I know the things he tells me he's told every other woman. The best is when he tries to claim I'm so great in the sac because wow look how hard he gets and I'm like oh please you've gotten hard with every other woman you've been with too. Why else would he have so many affairs. I'm happy to be with him but spare me the empty words just keep quiet.