How to work on inner child issues on your own?

[Anonymous]

TLDR: history of emotional abuse, feel vulnerable, want to reach out to very likely BPD ex but know I need to comfort myself instead—any advice?

Okay this is quite embarrassing but here goes:

I am almost two years out of a long-term emotionally abusive marriage that really took a toll on me in every area of life. I continue to work hard in therapy on recovering from this as well as emotional abuse from childhood.

I have dated a little since the divorce was final but really mostly casually.

Most recently I had a short and intense relationship with a man I suspect may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Yes I saw the red flags but I wanted to believe I had met someone nice who would be nice to me. Anyway I stayed too long but did end it and of course he flipped on me and become very nasty and hurtful.

I have him blocked because he was harrassing me by text (and even when I first blocked somehow messages and calls still came through!).

I’m in a vulnerable spot and don’t see my therapist for another two weeks (she’s costly so I have to space sessions). I’ve been tempted to reach out to the guy because I’m so hurt and angry. My logical brain knows how stupid this is but my emotional brain can’t think straight.

My wounded inner child is crying out for attention and validation. The closest I’ve gotten to feeling cared for is through dating and sex. I know it’s a weakness for em. I’ve been journaling a lot and meditating but don’t know how else to reparent myself and comfort myself.

Thank you for any insight!

[Anonymous]

Call a friend and have dinner or a drink to distract yourself. You're seeking some validation and you can find that through a friend

[Anonymous]

How long were you married? Kids?

[Anonymous]

Op here—married for 16 years, with him for 25, have two preteens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Call a friend and have dinner or a drink to distract yourself. You're seeking some validation and you can find that through a friend

Would love to but I’m currently sick and will probably be home all weeekend resting. Just wondering about other things I might try, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Call a friend and have dinner or a drink to distract yourself. You're seeking some validation and you can find that through a friend

Would love to but I’m currently sick and will probably be home all weeekend resting. Just wondering about other things I might try, thanks.

You're tempted to text. Or call him for attention. Text or call a friend. Plan a movie/game night with your kids. Find a good book to read.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would read a really engrossing book or watch a really good tv show. That would distract me for a few days while sick until I could spend time with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would read a really engrossing book or watch a really good tv show. That would distract me for a few days while sick until I could spend time with a friend.

+1, these are the kinds of things that work for me. Also searching Pinterest for memes and quotes that resonate can be soothing. I give you credit for asking for support here as well!

By the way, these seem more surface level than the deeper working on your inner Child issues, but they also seem appropriate and what would be most helpful for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would read a really engrossing book or watch a really good tv show. That would distract me for a few days while sick until I could spend time with a friend.

Oh I have another suggestion- do you have some sort of art or craft that you like? I do pottery, it’s very meditative and the best “therapeutic” activity I do. Also exercise!

[Anonymous]

Distract, distract, distract as other PPs have said.

And, this sounds nuts, but talk to your 'inner child' and tell her all the things you want to hear. Everything you want this BPD or any other nitwit to say, say it to yourself instead.

That consoling voice is the voice you want to hear and listen to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would read a really engrossing book or watch a really good tv show. That would distract me for a few days while sick until I could spend time with a friend.

Oh I have another suggestion- do you have some sort of art or craft that you like? I do pottery, it’s very meditative and the best “therapeutic” activity I do. Also exercise!

I wish I did but I’m terrible at art and crafts.

I do have a membership but I’m usually so tired after work and I need to get home to my kids that I don’t go.

[Anonymous]

Online forums can actually be great for this. Doesn’t have to be a relationship forum.

[Anonymous]

Don’t call. BPD guy is dangerous.

Do you have any friends? Call them. Explain the situation.

If you can’t see your therapist for 2 weeks, there’s better help. Or crisis hotlines for free.

For inner child work, imagine yourself as a child. What would you say to her?

I know you are feeling lonely and sad right now. It is really hard to feel that way. And I know that it feels good to be with someone, anyone, but that person didn’t treat you right. You deserve way way better. You’re a good person and beautiful inside and out. There are people who will treat you right but you have to love yourself enough to know you won’t settle for poor treatment. Do something nice for yourself - watch a show, listen to music, write in a journal, go for a walk, eat something delicious, pet a cute animal. Make yourself cozy and safe.

[Anonymous]

https://www.instagram.com/peaceful_barb/?hl=en

[Anonymous]

I’m not a social media person at all. But instagram has really helped me in this regard. Just don’t go down distracting rabbit holes!

There are a lot of therapists on insta that post about inner child work.