Overheard DD13 conversation I didn’t like

[Anonymous]

DD12 almost 13 was on speaker on a three way call with her female friend and a male classmate. I heard the girls mention “going down”, then lots of giggling from all. Told DD to knock it off, that I didn’t like what I heard at all. No clue what to do now. Help!

[Anonymous]

Teens do not view oral sex as sex.

It is NBD to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens do not view oral sex as sex.

It is NBD to them.

In this case - focus on teaching about STD? Complete with graphic photos of infections?

[Anonymous]

Telling her to "knock it off" just makes the conversation more appealing, but out of your earshot.

Instead, after she gets off the phone, ask her what she thinks it means and why it's funny. Ask her if she thinks her friends are sexually active and what she thinks of that.

Make yourself a safe person to talk about sex, rather than someone your daughter has to hide problems from.

[Anonymous]

Oh, def ask to make sure she understands what it is (guarantee at almost 13 she does). Then, reinforce it is sex and she CAN get infections.

Further, as she gets older, make sure she understands if she's giving, she better be receiving as well.

[Anonymous]

I’d take the phone for 6 months and try again.

[Anonymous]

I remember being 13 and giggling about stuff like this and having NO idea what it actually meant. Seems like now is a great time to have a talk with her. No accusing. No getting mad. Just a simple sex talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d take the phone for 6 months and try again.

If your kid isn’t talking about sex on the phone, they are talking about it at lunch. I’d rather have my kid talking about sex in front of me. Taking the phone away will make her more likely to keep secrets from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d take the phone for 6 months and try again.

If your kid isn’t talking about sex on the phone, they are talking about it at lunch. I’d rather have my kid talking about sex in front of me. Taking the phone away will make her more likely to keep secrets from you.

THIS. JFC, the phone is not the issue. And, yes, they are hearing it at school. X 100000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember being 13 and giggling about stuff like this and having NO idea what it actually meant. Seems like now is a great time to have a talk with her. No accusing. No getting mad. Just a simple sex talk.

This. And I didn’t do anything more than very PG making out until college so it does not mean she (or her friends) are doing the things they talk about.
But this is your chance to set an open tone for sec talk OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens do not view oral sex as sex.

It is NBD to them.

Maybe to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling her to "knock it off" just makes the conversation more appealing, but out of your earshot.

Instead, after she gets off the phone, ask her what she thinks it means and why it's funny. Ask her if she thinks her friends are sexually active and what she thinks of that.

Make yourself a safe person to talk about sex, rather than someone your daughter has to hide problems from.

+10000 knock it off is the last thing to say if anything you want them to continue so you can over hear more then talk about it privately later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, def ask to make sure she understands what it is (guarantee at almost 13 she does). Then, reinforce it is sex and she CAN get infections.

Further, as she gets older, make sure she understands if she's giving, she better be receiving as well.

+1

Definitely make sure she insists on receiving as much (or more) than she is giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling her to "knock it off" just makes the conversation more appealing, but out of your earshot.

Instead, after she gets off the phone, ask her what she thinks it means and why it's funny. Ask her if she thinks her friends are sexually active and what she thinks of that.

Make yourself a safe person to talk about sex, rather than someone your daughter has to hide problems from.

This. As hard as it is to hear things like this and not overreact, being sane and calm is smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember being 13 and giggling about stuff like this and having NO idea what it actually meant. Seems like now is a great time to have a talk with her. No accusing. No getting mad. Just a simple sex talk.

Yes. There is an enormously wide range in understanding and experience at that age. Most kids have no clue what they're giggling about, and with the years, they get a clue, usually not by direct experience, but by seeing it online, or hearing friends explain. Statistically, teens are having way fewer sexual encounters than previous generations.