Who initiates?

[Anonymous]

When it comes to sex, who initiates in your relationship? 50/50?

[Anonymous]

She does 90%. Which means it almost never happens. I used to initiate about 90% of the time, but then most of those initiations started getting rejected. (During one stretch, I counted 9 out of my 10 attempts were turned down.)

[Anonymous]

Me 70% of the time? Maybe? DH accepts most of the time.

[Anonymous]

I do about a third of the time. It’s rare when one of us turns the other down but we usually say something early in the day so no last minute disappointment. After a fun night out it can be very spontaneous and usually brief but wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me 70% of the time? Maybe? DH accepts most of the time.

You are a good woman

[Anonymous]

Dh does most of the time. I flat out told him back when we were dating that it's good I came out female because I'll never make the first move. He was like "Uh, sometimes it'd be nice if you did. Like maybe once a year?" so I took that to mean he was kidding and aim to initiate about once a month.

[Anonymous]

I once asked DW why she doesn't initiate. She said it was because once when she was pregnant, after we had sex and fell asleep, she half woke up and initiated a second round , and when I commented on it (approvingly) the next day, (trying to communicate and encouraging), thinking about being sexualadr.her feel shamed.
She also says she doesn't like trying new things for her enjoyment beyond super vanilla Catholic procreation style, because, as she explains, "every time" I try (only about once a year) she feels awkward as soon as I start leading into doing it, immediately pushes me away. (Coincidentally, our kid only eats chicken nuggets and pizza type foods because she doesn't want DC to feel uncomfortable trying new foods.)

I realized that the stereotypical conventional wisdom about couples and sex is conventional wisdom for a reason, despite the loud protestations of some people who claim to be lifelong enthusiasts and who claim that women only dislike sex when men are selfish and lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DW why she doesn't initiate. She said it was because once when she was pregnant, after we had sex and fell asleep, she half woke up and initiated a second round , and when I commented on it (approvingly) the next day, (trying to communicate and encouraging), thinking about being sexualadr.her feel shamed.
She also says she doesn't like trying new things for her enjoyment beyond super vanilla Catholic procreation style, because, as she explains, "every time" I try (only about once a year) she feels awkward as soon as I start leading into doing it, immediately pushes me away. (Coincidentally, our kid only eats chicken nuggets and pizza type foods because she doesn't want DC to feel uncomfortable trying new foods.)

I realized that the stereotypical conventional wisdom about couples and sex is conventional wisdom for a reason, despite the loud protestations of some people who claim to be lifelong enthusiasts and who claim that women only dislike sex when men are selfish and lazy.

Or maybe she finds proofreading and succinct writing to be a turn on. And you don’t provide that.

[Anonymous]

What counts as initiation?
I'm from the school of mutual escalation, so I'll start with a cuddle, which is rejected or non-responsively tolerated 85% of nights in bed and 100% of any other time or place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once asked DW why she doesn't initiate. She said it was because once when she was pregnant, after we had sex and fell asleep, she half woke up and initiated a second round , and when I commented on it (approvingly) the next day, (trying to communicate and encouraging), thinking about being sexualadr.her feel shamed.
She also says she doesn't like trying new things for her enjoyment beyond super vanilla Catholic procreation style, because, as she explains, "every time" I try (only about once a year) she feels awkward as soon as I start leading into doing it, immediately pushes me away. (Coincidentally, our kid only eats chicken nuggets and pizza type foods because she doesn't want DC to feel uncomfortable trying new foods.)

I realized that the stereotypical conventional wisdom about couples and sex is conventional wisdom for a reason, despite the loud protestations of some people who claim to be lifelong enthusiasts and who claim that women only dislike sex when men are selfish and lazy.

Or maybe she finds proofreading and succinct writing to be a turn on. And you don’t provide that.

Yes she loves having sex with witty anonymous forum posters. I asked Jeff to geolocate your IP for her. Please tell her to remember to pick up milk and eggs on the way home when you're done.

[Anonymous]

It’s always mutual.

[Anonymous]

Moms often complain that their work is never done, that they have to carry the mental load, and that they often feel guilt that some area of their responsibility is being neglected. For most of them, I don’t think that beating themselves up for not initiating more is high on their lists of favorite guilt trips.

Ladies, your platonic roommate marriages are just so close to the breaking point, if you only knew. It may take some other precipitating situation to push him over the edge, but your clear-eyed husband will see that walking away from a roommate situation is not like giving up on a real marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me 70% of the time? Maybe? DH accepts most of the time.

You are a good woman

Ha! Tell DH that! He says I want it too much. No one appreciates what they have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does 90%. Which means it almost never happens. I used to initiate about 90% of the time, but then most of those initiations started getting rejected. (During one stretch, I counted 9 out of my 10 attempts were turned down.)

Curious what your attempts were like. Maybe you were doing it right, but maybe, like DH, you were rolling over at 11pm after a long day where we did nothing to connect, and making a crass and unfunny joke while you grabbed my tit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does 90%. Which means it almost never happens. I used to initiate about 90% of the time, but then most of those initiations started getting rejected. (During one stretch, I counted 9 out of my 10 attempts were turned down.)

Curious what your attempts were like. Maybe you were doing it right, but maybe, like DH, you were rolling over at 11pm after a long day where we did nothing to connect, and making a crass and unfunny joke while you grabbed my tit.

See, after a long busy day, he sees sex AS a way to connect. It’s better than a movie!