Want to break up with boyfriend
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Anonymous
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We have a great time together, but I’ve been questioning continuing the relationship because he seems to not be over his ex-wife.
He planned a beautiful vacation for us in Jamaica with his friends. I was apprehensive about going given my reservations on the relationship, but decided to think on it more since I like him and did not want to waste his money or embarrass him in front of friends by not coming. Now that we are on the trip I just want to end it. We have been discussing the upcoming holidays and plans and he is spending them with his ex-in laws. I’m unsure of how to handle the rest of the trip. I’m not in a good mood because I feel upset and disappointed. How would you proceed? |
Anonymous
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Does he have kids with the ex? If spending the holidays with his ex inlaws is to see his kids, you're being unreasonable. If there are no kids he's not over her.
Either way you should break up. Do it before Christmas so that you don't look more grubbing than you already do by getting a trip and a Christmas gift out of him right before breaking up. |
Anonymous
They do not have kids. There is no part of me that is using him for gifts. In terms of timing I think I liked him so much I turned a blind eye to some of the red flags, but holiday time is making it really clear to me that he has not moved on. A part of me would like to leave the trip early by my self, but I don’t know if that is super rude. |
Anonymous
| Just reimburse him for your portion of the cost of the trip. |
Anonymous
+1 If he were widowed and was spending the holidays with his deceased wife's family, I'd be fine with it. The XDW's family, he's not over her. |
Anonymous
| Male Perspective here. break up with him fly home. Reimburse him for cost of trip. |
Anonymous
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Is his ex-wife spending holiday with her parents also?
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Anonymous
| Breaking up with him on the trip seems needlessly dramatic. I know it’s scary and painful, but you can honestly address this with him and how it makes you feel. No guarantee you’ll get a response you like, but you’ll be a stronger person for it. |
Anonymous
| Based on my own rebound experience maybe he used you as an ego boost after getting rejected by her and now that need is gone so he's back to feeling badly about losing her. I agree with others that you should bail out. |
Anonymous
| Dump him and leave. Pay your own way home. I wouldn’t even mention reimbursement just go. |
Anonymous
| Leave. He isn’t over her. |
Anonymous
| I was not close to my family, and my ex's family felt more like my family than my own. When we broke up it was harder to lose his parents than to lose him. Could there be a similar dynamic with your ex? |
Anonymous
| FWIW, I was in a long marriage and my ex in-laws are like family to me. My ex and I don’t get along, she’s never there, and I’m completely over her but I still see her family a lot including cousins, siblings,etc. My current GF has even met a bunch of them and has no issue with it. |
Anonymous
| It depends on his response when I told him how I felt about his holiday plans. What did he say? |
Anonymous
OP you maybe be able to split the difference by sending him some food, while on the trip, using Door Dash, Uber Eats or even lust a local delivery service. Something ethnic and tasty could be the way to go. When the food arrives you simply say, you're money's no good in this part of the hood and be done with it. If there's an issue about, or on, the flight home there may be some in-flight connectivity options that smooth things over. Increasingly wifi is usable when you're more than 20 feet off the ground, so if you can remember the alphabet soup LOL of the network name you may be in business. Anyhoo, stay intriguing! |