Quitting Soccer
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Anonymous
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Our 16-year-old who plays at a high level of soccer just announced he is quitting the team. He will play HS only. We were completely blindsided by the announcement and while we are glad he will continue to play HS - it's just not the same level of play. We haven't received much in the way of an explanation and are still unsure if we get back any of the funds we have paid for the club. We are working through our response to our kid (we feel like he should have to pay back the amount owed from his earnings). He was never going to play in college but has always enjoyed the sport and certainly could have tried to play D3 if he wanted to. We feel like he should finish it out but of course, realize ultimately it's his decision.
Currently, our biggest concerns are the financial obligations and some understanding of why and how he plans to fill the time he now has without practices and games. Has anyone else experienced this? What guidance can you provide? How did you handle it? |
Anonymous
| If he's not going to have club practices or games he has time to get a job. Have him pay 50% of his college tuition. |
Anonymous
| Sorry, but it's typically sex and/or drugs when teens abruptly quit long term activities. |
Anonymous
| Definitely not getting any money back from your club |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Soccer for a D3 athlete, male, and white rarely amounts to any scholarship money. By all means pay back the soccer fees but I know only one case - and it was stuff made for Hallmark movie (parents out of picture, phenomenal player, top team in country kind of story). Not Junior here likely high on pot. |
Anonymous
This is one of our biggest concerns. And while it doesn't seem to be a path he's currently on, it will become the path he takes. No evidence that we have noticed, but we have a lot of concerns. |
Anonymous
| We are requiring him to get more hours at his job - or another job that will provide more hours. We are leaning toward him paying back the forfeited fees, and saving funds for college living (not necessarily college tuition). He was never interested in playing soccer in college (although he's talented enough it could have been a possibility for D3 if he was interested). He played because he loved the sport. We do think there is something bigger at play. |
Anonymous
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OP- my two kids did the opposite. But, our HS team/coaches are a dysfunctional mess that mind f*k kids.
So, so many kids give up Club/travel soccer right at that age. I did too and I had played since 5--won a National Championship, HS, multiple State titles, etc. I was just burned out. I knew I didn't, nor would ever be a professional player and I wanted to enjoy my college experience and all that it had to offer--parties, debauchery-ha! without having another 'job' in college. It's just a passing of time. These kids are go, go, going and traveling and giving up so many social things and so structured with this year-round Club soccer that it's natural to be burned out. Frankly, I think the only reason my Sophomore and Senior boys are still into Club is because I didn't put them on any teams that had a ridiculous amount of out of state travel until 16. My oldest one had an injury that put him out his entire Junior year and was miserable without soccer. But, many of their friends that were traveling to South Carolina and the West Coast and Midwest and non-stop since they were like 11 years old have since dropped the sport. And, for boys, it isn't like girls. Very few go onto play in college. The incentive to keep doing it dies off. |
Anonymous
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I'd save the financial component until after you really dig in. Quitting mid-season does seem odd. Is it drugs, is it too much stress and not enough time to be a teen, or did something happen on the team or with the coach? Is he simply burned out and realizing that if it isn't leading to a college scholarship maybe he's pouring too much time into this at the expense of a more balanced life?
If need be, and sounds like you may be concerned, talk to other adults in his life like the coach, the HS coach, his guidance counselor or favorite teacher. See if they've noticed any changes or have thoughts. Talk to him about giving you some real answers. Ask about how he foresees using all the newfound free time. And yes, at that point then also talk to him about the sunk costs into this club, but don't lead with that or he'll think your objections are only about the money and not what's best for him. |
Anonymous
oh GOD. NO. It's not. These kids that have been year-round travel teams since they were in early elementary are burned the fk out by high school and many just kept going for their parents, not themselves. This is such a natural age to drop that Club/travel sport. AND- the kid is still going to play high school for crying it out loud. He didn't drop it completely. The grind drove the passion out of it for him. I can't tell you the number of kids (TONS) that give up their childhood travel sport around 16 and it wasn't because they were doing drugs or depressed. They just got sick of devoting all of their free time to it and lost the passion/drive. My sibling played D1 and a short stint pro post college. He told me that by the time he was playing in college, he really had lost a lot of the drive. |
Anonymous
IT's not really mid-season. By high school, most Clubs (especially ECNL), don't even really have a spring season. In VA, high school is spring. Juggling HS soccer AND Travel soccer is also tough with a heavy academic load. It sounds like her kid has some common sense and knows their limits. Much healthier than doing too much. After Sophomore year (before the all important and most academic Junior year)- my kids knew to keep up grades they couldn't do both HS and Club. They made a choice. Mine chose Club, many of their friends did the opposite and quit HS. The few friends doing both (and these were kids on top Club teams where they really couldn't miss practices) were really stressed/fried and several got overuse, serious injuries. |
Anonymous
| OP Here: For us, it was the suddenness of the decision. He's a smart kid, but very unmotivated academically - he does better when he had a full schedule. He seems to think less soccer means, more sleeping in, more lounging around, and more time to hang with his friends. Lots to piece together and lots to do to ensure he keeps on a good trajectory academically. |
Anonymous
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OP- does your kid have a spring HS season? If so, please listen to him. He doesn't want the time commitment of BOTH club and high school. It is a smart kid that knows how to budget his time.
Frankly, you and your husband sound like you want it more than him. I have a 16 and 18 year old and there are so many roster changes (drops/adds) after Fall season. Lots of different kids spring season in Club because what your kid is doing is completely normal. You sound like *ssholes making your kid pay back --when most of the season is over anyways. Take the pressure off. Give up you and your spouse's dream that he was going to play in college. IT's his life. |
Anonymous
Maybe he has a girlfriend. Wouldn't be the first kid to drop something to make time for a social life. |