Quitting Soccer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- does your kid have a spring HS season? If so, please listen to him. He doesn't want the time commitment of BOTH club and high school. It is a smart kid that knows how to budget his time.

Frankly, you and your husband sound like you want it more than him. I have a 16 and 18 year old and there are so many roster changes (drops/adds) after Fall season. Lots of different kids spring season in Club because what your kid is doing is completely normal.

You sound like *ssholes making your kid pay back --when most of the season is over anyways. Take the pressure off. Give up you and your spouse's dream that he was going to play in college.

IT's his life.

WOW. I'm gonna reflect this right back AT YOU. I'm not giving a lot of details about our kid for obvious reasons. Paying back the fees is part of a very long and ongoing situation with him as a kid for this and other things. From of all you made another assumptions "me and my husband"...leaving that as well. No, we don't want this more than he does. We want him to take responsibility and make decisions - our biggest concerns are filling the gap that quitting soccer brings. I don't give a damn if its soccer or a job - but for his entire live soccer has been his love. If he wants to stop it thats fine, but he bloody well is not going to lying around in the house doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: For us, it was the suddenness of the decision. He's a smart kid, but very unmotivated academically - he does better when he had a full schedule. He seems to think less soccer means, more sleeping in, more lounging around, and more time to hang with his friends. Lots to piece together and lots to do to ensure he keeps on a good trajectory academically.

Maybe he has a girlfriend. Wouldn't be the first kid to drop something to make time for a social life.

He did just get his license, and no girlfriend that we are aware of...we do think this is a social-related decision. We are anticipating more details will come out and imagine we will need to readjust his boundaries and the understanding of our expectations.

[Anonymous]

These poor kids. When I was that age, I was able to have a life, have fun, and just hang out. That is what being a kid is for. I have two kids in travel sports, but it they stop loving it and they want to quit, I would be understanding.

I think the fact that he made this decision without any hint or talking to you about it signals that you don't have a communicative relationship. And the fact that you are debating/discussing your response? Why don't you ask some questions. Be curious. Understand a bit more about what your son is thinking instead of just assuming and figuring out his consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 16-year-old who plays at a high level of soccer just announced he is quitting the team. He will play HS only. We were completely blindsided by the announcement and while we are glad he will continue to play HS - it's just not the same level of play. We haven't received much in the way of an explanation and are still unsure if we get back any of the funds we have paid for the club. We are working through our response to our kid (we feel like he should have to pay back the amount owed from his earnings). He was never going to play in college but has always enjoyed the sport and certainly could have tried to play D3 if he wanted to. We feel like he should finish it out but of course, realize ultimately it's his decision.

Currently, our biggest concerns are the financial obligations and some understanding of why and how he plans to fill the time he now has without practices and games. Has anyone else experienced this? What guidance can you provide? How did you handle it?

High school student barely have any free time if they are trying to do well in school, ace PSAT and SAT, do a sport, have a part time job, have one or two extracurriculars, volunteer, socialize.

If professional soccer or athletic scholarship aren't possible than there is no need to continue spending so much of his time on outside soccer, specially if he isn't enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit lost on some of this don't have free time stuff.

Majority of the kids around here are getting driven to practice 2, 3 times per week for a 1.5hr practice.
They usually play 1 and very infrequently 2 games on a weekend.
Sep-Nov/Dec and then Mar-May/June.

Most aren't doing much extra than team games and practice.

It seems to me more kids are on their phones, video games and computers more than they are actively involved in sporting activities if you count the hours.

So the 'travel sports burnout' and 'no time to be a kid' seems like a stretch in most cases.

[Anonymous]

By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I will add it was harder for me as a parent to not see her play than it was for her. That's when you know it is the right decision. She moved on to other things she loves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

Thank you! What was weird in this case - is there didn't seem to have been a loss in passion for the sport. We are guessing something happened related to the specific team/coach that drove the decision. And to other's posts - even with HS and Travel soccer he has MORE THAN enough downtime - some of that is filled with a job - but his lounging around playing computer games and hanging with friends was never short-changed by his soccer playing. Academics was the thing he happily avoided (and is a nonstarter for us). We will allow him time to process this and get back to finding his passion but doing nothing is not an option. Hopefully when one door closes another is opened he works to finding a productive way to fill the gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

Thank you! What was weird in this case - is there didn't seem to have been a loss in passion for the sport. We are guessing something happened related to the specific team/coach that drove the decision. And to other's posts - even with HS and Travel soccer he has MORE THAN enough downtime - some of that is filled with a job - but his lounging around playing computer games and hanging with friends was never short-changed by his soccer playing. Academics was the thing he happily avoided (and is a nonstarter for us). We will allow him time to process this and get back to finding his passion but doing nothing is not an option. Hopefully when one door closes another is opened he works to finding a productive way to fill the gap.

Again, what haven't you asked him?!

[Anonymous]

I tend to agree with the posters citing burnout. Happened to me, happened to other friends. In most cases, parents had us finish the season since it was paid for and pick up more hours at after school jobs if no other activities were picked up when the season was over.

[Anonymous]

I get not wanting to continue in the sport - but in our household, if you have signed up and it costs a considerable amount of money, you need to finish out what has already been paid for. You never have to sign up again after that.

[Anonymous]

DS quit club around this age but still played HS. Best decision for him as he became involved in high end science clubs and became an Eagle Scout.

He just didn’t want the travel anymore and his best buds were no longer on the team. The fun was gone and the focus was on playing in college, which he didn’t want to do. Still loved the HS team though.

The activities he picked up though really helped getting into college etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s soccer. Like who cares. Let the kid have a life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

Thank you! What was weird in this case - is there didn't seem to have been a loss in passion for the sport. We are guessing something happened related to the specific team/coach that drove the decision. And to other's posts - even with HS and Travel soccer he has MORE THAN enough downtime - some of that is filled with a job - but his lounging around playing computer games and hanging with friends was never short-changed by his soccer playing. Academics was the thing he happily avoided (and is a nonstarter for us). We will allow him time to process this and get back to finding his passion but doing nothing is not an option. Hopefully when one door closes another is opened he works to finding a productive way to fill the gap.

Again, what haven't you asked him?!

OH MY - DO YOU THINK WE HAVEN'T????? Do you have a teenage son? IF you do have a teenage son you will know that they are excellent at shutting down and shutting up. We are giving him space to think things through, we are not demanding that he play. We never have demanded that he play. We have attempted to have multiple conversations with him - but also know that when he is ready to open up he will share and not before that. I came to this board because sometimes people have similar experiences and I was genuinely curious about what others might have experienced. At this point and until he shares we are at a loss to understand the why. Perhaps we don't need to know the why but as with all things in his life - when we know the why it helps to move forward and past things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to agree with the posters citing burnout. Happened to me, happened to other friends. In most cases, parents had us finish the season since it was paid for and pick up more hours at after school jobs if no other activities were picked up when the season was over.

Burnout is being used as a euphemism here.

Quit. Gave Up. Got left behind. Moved on to things I enjoyed more or hated less.