I get so paranoid about not getting Christmas party invites

[Anonymous]

I'm generally a level-headed person but I get so bummed around Christmas by what I see as a lack of party invites.
We're invited to a few but none from our kids' schools which are pretty social communities. I just got a text from a friend that said "see you at so-and-so's party and/or another one this holiday season!" and I thought,
'huh, we're not invited to that party or any others." We're pretty new to the schools (joined in middle school 4 years ago and high school 2 years ago) and I do know a few families really well but clearly we're not in the epicenter
of things.

We do have a college friends event and some family things but I always assume that everyone is going to big friend bashes. It's like my kryptonite of "feel bad about myself" that only comes out at the holidays.
I realize that being invited to things is mostly about the luck-of-the-draw of having friends who happen to throw them. And our friends are not them and I'm not that person either. So here we are. I'll feel better about this in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Do you throw a party?

[Anonymous]

Is this a social climbing issue? Or you just like holiday parties?

If you just like parties, THROW ONE. If it's a social climbing issue, I can't help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a social climbing issue? Or you just like holiday parties?

If you just like parties, THROW ONE. If it's a social climbing issue, I can't help you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Sigh.

For the umpteenth time, it is HOLIDAY PARTY !!!!!

[Anonymous]

They have meds to help with your anxiety.

[Anonymous]

What have you hosted?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're feeling excluded generally, and during this season in particular, that's hard. I get that. We had some friend group upheaval this year and I've been kind of mopey remembering how different it was a year ago at this time. It sucks and also you'll get through it (so will I).

I've had friends say the same to me ("see you at Larla's party!") and if I'm not invited I clearly tell them that. I'm sure it's not intentional, but it's impolite to bring up these kinds of events if you're not 100% sure the other person is invited.

[Anonymous]

Throw a party yourself.

[Anonymous]

We get ONE invite. From our neighbor.

And I thankful for it, otherwise we'd have none!

Quit yer whinin', OP.

[Anonymous]

We almost never get Christmas party invites. Basically if one of our existing close friends throws a Christmas party, we'll get an invite. We don't get invited to neighborhood or school community parties.

Guess what, it's fine. We are generally very busy during the holidays anyway, doing things with just our family as well as outings with friends like ice skating at the Sculpture Garden or doing Christmas Tea with some family friends and our kids. I do not feel deprived for social opportunities.

Holiday parties are not that fun usually. We used to throw them back before Covid and kids and it was a ton of work for a couple hours of fun. Someone (or more) would drink too much. There'd always be one person who wanted to stay even when it was clear everyone was done and we wanted to go to bed. Clean up is a chore. I know I sound like a Grinch but it's just not as great as it sounds. Doing smaller gatherings with people who are real friends, rather than hanging out with dozens of acquaintances and making small talk about jobs/schools/travel (where people will inevitably be weirdly competitive because this is DC) just isn't that great.

Does this make you feel any better?

[Anonymous]

How do you pen diplomatically on such invites to “keep this between us” so that those you don’t invite in your social circle/community orbit find out? Ideas?

[Anonymous]

I don't think I've been invited to one as an adult (other than for work) and I didn't even realize it until this post. The holiday season is so busy already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you pen diplomatically on such invites to “keep this between us” so that those you don’t invite in your social circle/community orbit find out? Ideas?

Why would you have to? Most adults should know better than to discuss social gatherings like this with others if they're not positive they're invited. It's also why I always make the guest list public on Evite or whatever - trusting that the information may be useful in that way. If I don't have that information about a party, I don't mention it to others in the same community/social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you throw a party?

+1

Throw your own party, OP!

Also, don't fret about the neighborhood holiday parties, as they are the most lame. You want the holiday parties that are not in the neighborhood.