“You’re greasy”

[Anonymous]

I think someone at school teased my DD12 about being greasy. The thing is, she’s not. At all. Yesterday she came home from school and immediately wanted to shower to wash her hair. Then, last night, she insisted on deep cleaning her hair brush. This morning, on the dry erase board above her desk, she had scribbled “you’re greasy”.

She’s very clean and has tidy hair. I’d be the first to tell her otherwise. I don’t know why she was teased, but clearly she took it to heart. How do I proceed?

[Anonymous]

Can you tell her that some people are mean and will say things that are not true just to hurt other’s feelings?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to do anything after an isolated occurrence that you don’t know the origin of. Just keep an eye on her behavior in the next few days/weeks to see if it keeps up. No need to make a big deal out of it.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, is she on social media? She might have seen a video on TikTok or Instagram about this, or heard other girls talking about it without directly teasing her. I have gotten a TikTok on my feed saying something like “your hair is greasy because you never wash your hairbrush!” Which as an adult I could immediately see was silly and false; if your hair is naturally noticeably oily a little bit of build-up on a brush isn’t going to make a difference.

I could see a teenager seeing this and the logic being “I never wash my hairbrush, therefore my hair must be greasy”

Not sure if this is the best way to proceed but I would probably make it into a big joke and maybe throw somebody under the bus. “Girl you know I’d tell you if your hair was greasy! My roommate in college/your older brother/this kid in high school had the greasiest hair and I’ll never forget it. You’re lucky you got my dry hair, we only have to wash every other day.”

[Anonymous]

IDK.. are you sure her scalp wasn't greasy?

I say this because I could see my DD's scalp was greasy. She couldn't see it, and being a teen, she spends a lot of time in front of the mirror but she still couldn't see it because she can't see certain parts of her head in front of the mirror.

You could feel the greasiness, too, so I had DD feel that area. She said she does wash her hair every other day (wavy so she doesn't want to wash it everyday which would over dry her hair). I think she was just missing that particular spot. I taught her how to wash particular areas. She has long thick hair, as do I, so it's hard to get to some of the scalp to wash.

She also washed her brush. It's been better.

It could also be her face, maybe? My DS has a "greasy" face. Some kids just have overly active oil glands that make their face look "greasy".

[Anonymous]

She’s probably greasy.

[Anonymous]

Geez, this is reminding me of when they circulated slam books in my MS. Someone wrote that I talked too much, and it chilled me. Like I stopped talking for a while. This stuff in MS is really pernicious. I think it's worth trying to have a conversation with her -- ask who said it, whether it's someone who she generally respects -- if she respects this person, ask why. If she doesn't respect this person, ask why she's giving weight to their opinion. Ask what she would tell a friend if this person said something like that to her friend. Ask if this person has any reason to have bad motives towards her (she just got a good grade and the person failed the test, she just got a part in the play and this person did not, etc....).
My bet is that this is some loser kid who she probably doesn't even like, but she is letting them get into her head. Once you break it down, it's sort of amazing that we let people like this have power over us.

[Anonymous]

Does she have any mental health issues: anxiety, depression, OCD, on the spectrum?

Immediately washing hair, deep cleaning the hair brush AND writing the comment on her dry erase board if bizarre and borderline concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have any mental health issues: anxiety, depression, OCD, on the spectrum?

Immediately washing hair, deep cleaning the hair brush AND writing the comment on her dry erase board if bizarre and borderline concerning.

+100 I'm thinking this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Why is she listening to some loser who tossed out an insult? Is that person anyone whose opinion she should value? She needs to consider these things. Just because someone says something doesn't make it true.

Also, they may have meant it as a personality trait, not literally. Like saying someone's slimy - it means they get away with a lot and are sneaky. Not that they're covered in actual green slime. But even so, DOES THIS PERSON'S OPINION CARRY WEIGHT? And if it does, should it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, this is reminding me of when they circulated slam books in my MS. Someone wrote that I talked too much, and it chilled me. Like I stopped talking for a while. This stuff in MS is really pernicious. I think it's worth trying to have a conversation with her -- ask who said it, whether it's someone who she generally respects -- if she respects this person, ask why. If she doesn't respect this person, ask why she's giving weight to their opinion. Ask what she would tell a friend if this person said something like that to her friend. Ask if this person has any reason to have bad motives towards her (she just got a good grade and the person failed the test, she just got a part in the play and this person did not, etc....).
My bet is that this is some loser kid who she probably doesn't even like, but she is letting them get into her head. Once you break it down, it's sort of amazing that we let people like this have power over us.

dp... I've said the same above to my DD, but MSers are very emotionally sensitive, so things said by even people they don't like will hit them hard.

[Anonymous]

You should find that kid and punch her in the mouth. knock out a couple teeth...

[Anonymous]

Maybe "greasy" means something else, slang for something she did or said?

[Anonymous]

Did she say she was teased? It could be something she overheard or saw on social media, or even something she heard in health class.

[Anonymous]

Greasy is slang for gross or wrong for moral reasons. It has nothing to actually being physically greasy. She maybe did something to someone (is she dating her friend's ex or something like that) that is making people say that.