Picky, underweight, alzheimer mother - force or not force food?

[Anonymous]

My mother, who has alzheimer’s (stage 6 or so) is making excuses not to eat, as in, “The food has gone bad. It’s old. It just tasted bad.” I am at my wits end! I quit my job to take care of her. I make healthy time-consuming homemade meals, inspired in our ethnic background. She will just not eat! I understand Alzheimer’s patients can experience changes in with their sense of taste. She is 86 years old, weighs about 90 lbs and is 5 ft tall. What to do? Do I just make her drink Ensures? She’s not a fan of those drinks. Do I just let her skip meals? Have you had this issue? At times, when I’m fed up, I just take the full bowl away, and that is that! Other times, I go back downstairs and fix her another meal! Ugh! The guilt is real!

[Anonymous]

1. Her taste really is off.
2. 90lbs and 5ft sounds great at her age. My mother is 90lbs and 5'6". My MIL is 77lbs and 5ft.
3. This is the long decline. There will come a time when she will not be able to sustain life. How much do you want to prolong her already long life if she's not all there?
4. You really shouldn't martyr yourself by taking personal care of an Alzheimer's patient in your home. I get that you feel there aren't any other options. But she can be placed on a waitlist for a home where they will spend down her assets and then put her on medicare.

[Anonymous]

I really would not push it. Lots of patients with Alzheimer’s want very bland food and don’t mind repetition. What about something like cream of wheat or oatmeal? Or chicken noodle soup? Or even pudding? Or buttered noodles? I would not worry about sugar or fat or healthy eating. Just get some comforting familiar callories into her and you’re doing great.

[Anonymous]

Is she hungry, OP? Is there anything she’d like to eat or drink? If so I’d of course provide that in unlimited quantities. I don’t think I’d force someone with Alzheimer’s to eat, though. Why? What purpose does extending her life at the price of her confront serve? Whatever brings her comfort or happiness in the moment do that.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should get help for caring for her.

But also: she is 86 years old, she can eat whatever she wants. You mentioned that she doesn't like the labor-intensive meals inspired by your ethnic background. Ok, don't make those -- it is wasted effort if she doesn't enjoy them. What does she like? I don't think Ensure is your only other option. Will she eat oatmeal? Bananas? Hearty bread with butter? Tomato soup?

Ask her what she wants to eat and then make sure she gets it. If she needs to drink an Ensure or take some supplements to round out her diet, so be it. But if she only feels like eating chicken Alfredo or peanut butter sandwiches or Caprese salads, let her eat that. She has earned the right to eat what tastes good to her.

[Anonymous]

My MIL with dementia struggles to eat. She's around 5'2" and is down to around 80 pounds. She is just not hungry and will take one bite of something and then stop eating. We try sneaking calories into what we can. It is eerily similar to feeding a toddler only instead of vegetables we're sneaking in sugar and fat. My MIL also drinks an ensure at lunch and dinner. She didn't like them at first but now she drinks them. If you ask her if she wants one she says no but if you put it in front of her she will drink it. It also helps to say "the doctor said you need one" I would focus on what you know your Mom likes (now) even if its repetitive. You want her to eat, you shouldn't worry about expanding her pallet or giving her a large variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really would not push it. Lots of patients with Alzheimer’s want very bland food and don’t mind repetition. What about something like cream of wheat or oatmeal? Or chicken noodle soup? Or even pudding? Or buttered noodles? I would not worry about sugar or fat or healthy eating. Just get some comforting familiar callories into her and you’re doing great.

This.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her doctor

[Anonymous]

I would not force it. It is nature's way of easing her transition to the end. I'm sorry, OP. It was very hard to watch my mother go through this.

[Anonymous]

They make high calorie boost and ensure. See if you can get her to drink those. Or use them as a base for a milkshake or smoothie.

Definitely don’t ask what she wants. Just put it in front of her. (I would tell my Mom that this is what she asked for, even if she didn’t ask for it).

If that doesn’t work, just let her live her life on her terms. It’s difficult to watch someone you live waste away. It’s just one of the ways this disease will take her.

[Anonymous]

My mom is in her late 80s and has the same (lack of) appetite. Things I’ve found that work:

1) She drinks two or three Boosts a day, varied between chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. It’s just the regular 240 calorie brand, the higher calorie version didn’t sit well, maybe too many calories at once. She likes them cold.

2) I make small, snack-like meals for her. I’ll make a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cut it in fours, and give her a square here and there throughout the day. I think a large volume of food at once is overwhelming, so breaking it up helps.

3) Small, but calorie dense snacks are a small handful of olives or a string cheese. That’s a lot of sodium though, so I’ll slice up some tomatoes/cucumbers and give her a few discs or make a cucumber salad in vinegar and oil, which she likes. I don’t ask her if she wants it, I’ll just give it to her and eat a few bites myself, which seems to help.

4) She likes fruit, but I’ve found bananas, peaches and plums are easiest to chew and swallow. I’ll usually serve it with a small scoop or two of yogurt.

5) She likes soup, but I’ll serve it in a small mug rather than a bowl (smaller size more appealing, also, she can forgo the spoon and drink it if she wants).

6) Peas, corn and sweet potatoes are easier to eat than denser things like broccoli and cabbage. If I give her a few spoonfuls of pasta salad, she’ll eat it all, but a bigger serving is too much to tackle and she won’t even try.

7) She also loves Stove-Top Stuffing for some reason, which she would have sniffed at once, but she’ll eat every bite now. Maybe because it has pretty strong flavors.

Hope this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Doctor prescribed Marinol, an appetite stimulant for my elderly parent. Similar to medical marijuana. Appetite improved immensely.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, this is how dementia patients tend to go as they get closer to the end. My dad eventually refused to eat. Some eventually refuse to drink.

Would try pudding or dessert or something high calorie, high fat and sweet which may appeal to her. Doesn't need to be homemade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP, this is how dementia patients tend to go as they get closer to the end. My dad eventually refused to eat. Some eventually refuse to drink.

Would try pudding or dessert or something high calorie, high fat and sweet which may appeal to her. Doesn't need to be homemade.

This. we have to force our father to drink water.

[Anonymous]

When my dad was at the end of his heart failure journey at age 90, he had very little appetite as well (he was around 90 lbs and had shrunk to about 4'10"). The only he liked to eat/drink was my homemade smoothies consisting of high-calorie Ensure, ice cream, and fresh fruit. He like the smoothies because they appealed to his sweet tooth and were "refreshing" (as he said). He didn't drink a lot of water or other beverages so the smoothies helped get both liquid and calories into him.