Divorce - delaying the inevitable

[Anonymous]

I’be previously only been on this section of DCUM as a reader.

Short version of events - DH and I have slowly grown apart and for whatever reason(s), he’s suddenly in a hurry to move out and call it quits on the marriage.

I’m completely blindsided and have no idea how long this takes or what my options are. Obviously i need to find a lawyer, but I’m still scrambling here and maybe a little hopeful still that the relationship is salvageable.

Can someone take pity on me and give me a crash course on time timeline in VA for separation, divorce, etc. And how much i could low things down if I’m dragging my feet?

I need to get things squared away financially (I’m not even working right now) and we’re also not that far from being empty nesters to where the impact on the kids would be significantly reduced. The youngest kid has some special needs and it will be hard for me to work the type of hours I’d need to until she’s out of the house (2 years)

Any advice is welcome

[Anonymous]

Why is he suddenly in a hurry? It sounds like he has someone else lined up. Maybe you should do some snooping or hire a PI. You'll get a much better settlement in a fault divorce.

[Anonymous]

You have to be separated for one year in Va if you have minor children together.

[Anonymous]

For the man the best strategy is usually a quick divorce. This limits financial exposure especially to alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to be separated for one year in Va if you have minor children together.

How long with no kids?

[Anonymous]

Don’t slow things down. The relationship is over and divorce is inevitable - it’s good that he has momentum to get it done. Just go get yourself a good lawyer. Since he wants to get things done quickly you likely have some leverage to get a strong agreement done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he suddenly in a hurry? It sounds like he has someone else lined up. Maybe you should do some snooping or hire a PI. You'll get a much better settlement in a fault divorce.

You MIGHT get a better settlement in a fault divorce. It depends on the judge, or your lawyer’s ability to blackmail your husband into a settlement.

But you WILL spend more proving fault because the threshold is high. Some sexy texts don’t prove adultery. You will need to pay a PI, and a lot more in billable hours. There will be depositions and discovery, and court appearances.

And while a fault divorce waives the waiting period, it takes a long time to actually get a fault divorce. You might be better just agreeing to no fault and waiting a year.

Not saying OP shouldn’t pursue this, but she should do the math: what will she have to spend in order to potentially get a larger chunk of the marital assets? What is the value of those assets? Do the math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be separated for one year in Va if you have minor children together.

How long with no kids?

6 mo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be separated for one year in Va if you have minor children together.

How long with no kids?

Six months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he suddenly in a hurry? It sounds like he has someone else lined up. Maybe you should do some snooping or hire a PI. You'll get a much better settlement in a fault divorce.

Dont you basically need to have pics of them in bed together to get a divorce bc of adultery in VA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the man the best strategy is usually a quick divorce. This limits financial exposure especially to alimony.

No it does not “limit financial exposure” except in that moving quickly reduces attorneys fees. This is already a long marriage with kids and OP is not working. Somehow making it drag out is not going to net OP anything additional and will just increase fees. And since her stbx apparently values getting it over with she can use that to her advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he suddenly in a hurry? It sounds like he has someone else lined up. Maybe you should do some snooping or hire a PI. You'll get a much better settlement in a fault divorce.

Dont you basically need to have pics of them in bed together to get a divorce bc of adultery in VA?

Pretty much. Not worth the cost of a court battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the man the best strategy is usually a quick divorce. This limits financial exposure especially to alimony.

No it does not “limit financial exposure” except in that moving quickly reduces attorneys fees. This is already a long marriage with kids and OP is not working. Somehow making it drag out is not going to net OP anything additional and will just increase fees. And since her stbx apparently values getting it over with she can use that to her advantage.

+1 It reduces attorney fees on both sides. That is it. No other motive. There is no "limiting financial exposure." There is zero point on either side to dragging out a divorce. It just costs more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’be previously only been on this section of DCUM as a reader.

Short version of events - DH and I have slowly grown apart and for whatever reason(s), he’s suddenly in a hurry to move out and call it quits on the marriage.

I’m completely blindsided and have no idea how long this takes or what my options are. Obviously i need to find a lawyer, but I’m still scrambling here and maybe a little hopeful still that the relationship is salvageable.

Can someone take pity on me and give me a crash course on time timeline in VA for separation, divorce, etc. And how much i could low things down if I’m dragging my feet?

I need to get things squared away financially (I’m not even working right now) and we’re also not that far from being empty nesters to where the impact on the kids would be significantly reduced. The youngest kid has some special needs and it will be hard for me to work the type of hours I’d need to until she’s out of the house (2 years)

Any advice is welcome

I don’t understand how you can really be blindsided if you knew that you and your spouse were growing apart. Isn’t divorce a natural consequence of growing apart over a period of time?

[Anonymous]

"Growing apart" means stopped having sex. He must have found someone more willing.