AITStop smoking weed in the house
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Anonymous
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DH was a stoner in his 20s. The laid back type who never quite lived up to potential. He quit when we were trying to conceive.
10 years later weed is legal. He started smoking in our house without telling me. Of course, it’s pretty obvious. We had a talk about if he is smoking then it can not be in the house - we have 3 little kids and one with asthma. |
Anonymous
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There is no way in hell I would put up with that
But I never would have married a stoner in the first place |
Anonymous
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Op here - pressed submit by accident..,
Well, going outside isn’t working for him. My house smells like a skunky college frat house. He also is now late for work everyday and sleeps until noon on weekends. The kids are up at 7 on the dot…they are noticing that “daddy won’t wake up.” AITA for telling him “no more weed.” It’s not for a medical issue. He says he likes the version of himself on it. It was cute at 22. It is not cute at 44… |
Anonymous
| I would divorce the version of himself on it. |
Anonymous
+ 1. He may like that version, but no one else does. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like your husband is one of the small proportion of the population for whom cannabis is actually problematic. The numbers are actually quite similar to the numbers for true alcoholics. There are some people who are more likely to become truly addicted and the substance causes real life problems. The truth that people dont want to admit, even when the data backs it up, is that most people can use many of these substances without major life consequences. For the people like OP's DH, he needs to get into therapy and completely abstain. Get to a Nar Anon group and get some resources for where to begin. DCUM is not the place to figure it out. |
Anonymous
| Weed should only be legal for medical purposes. |
Anonymous
Useful post. Thanks. |
Anonymous
Agree with divorce. He likes the version of himself that is going to get fired for a stupid reason, that is not a present father for his children, that is not a present husband for his wife? Fine. I'd divorce and insist that he be drug tested and drug free to have the children in his home, and that if the children come home smelling of weed after visiting him, then he can only visit with them in public, supervised. See if he likes that version of himself. |
Anonymous
What a loser. You take the hard line on this. Terrible for the kids. |
Anonymous
| I lived with a junkie for years. Divorce is the best solution. |
Anonymous
| If it was just the smell he could use a vape pen. But if it's affecting work and family then it is either its own addiction, or he is depressed and using the weed to self-medicate. |
Anonymous
| Jesus - I would divorce immediately. My DH likes to do edibles on occasion. But he never does them during the week, is never late for work, and is always up on the weekends when we have something to do. If we are just home he "sleep in" until 9am sometimes. And that is a treat. |
Anonymous
OP won’t have the option to insist on those things. |
Anonymous
You have a infinitely worse problem than just "he's smoking in the house." The fact you're here asking AITA is bad, OP. Bad because it means you're uncertain about this. There is no uncertainty; this is not at all about where he smokes. It's about the fact that weed is ruining your family's life. Please realize you have to be the spine for your whole household right now. He will eventually lose his job. You have young children. Do you, alone, make enough to support them AND him and save for the kids' activities, college funds, your own retirement fund, pay the rent or mortgage, the bills, health insurance...? If your insurance is through his job, and he gets fired, goodbye health coverage for three young kids. And you. He will eventually choose weed over his kids. They already are observant enough to know something's up with daddy. And when he IS awake, does he engage with them like he used to? Can you trust him to drive them places solo, or do you have to consider whether he's been smoking? Are you OK with being the default parent for every playdate, every school run, every activity? And HE knows that you have a child with asthma yet he smokes in the house? That's choosing weed over his kid, 100 percent. He will eventually choose weed over your marriage. Read your own post, OP! "He says he likes the version of himself on it." Do you? Do your kids? His employer doesn't, believe me. What have you SAID to him about the lateness to work, the sleeping in, the fact the kids notice? Or have you focused on the smell and the kids' asthma? Your focus is in the wrong place. Of course he should never smoke in the house. But this man shouldn't smoke at all, because he cannot just enjoy weed recreationally. It's affecting too much of his life. He likely would claim he only smokes recreationally; it's perfectly legal; and "weed isn't addictive." Well, when a substance creates problems, you have a problem with the substance. Period. Get your focus off asking if YOU are the a**hole and admit to yourself that HE is the a**hole and needs help. Serious help, not being told to take it outside. Unless you're cool with his being disciplined at work, or losing his job, or your kids being disaffected from him, or you wanting to leave eventually. Stop asking if you are somehow the problem. Weed and his choosing it over being an adult--those are the problems, OP. Wake up. Call this number at this website: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline Read this. Maybe first. https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive About 30 percent of users have some degree of marijuana use disorder. He may not be quite there yet but he's frankly a stoner again. Nip it now. |