Commitment Issues

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for several months. We have an amazing connection and mutually enjoy one another. He went through a terrible divorce 3 years ago that ruined him financially, and he’s since been working to rebuild. As a result he’s very weary of serious commitment. I would like to report we one day with someone and remarry or cohabitate, of which he is aware. Would you move on in this situation? Or let it play out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for several months. We have an amazing connection and mutually enjoy one another. He went through a terrible divorce 3 years ago that ruined him financially, and he’s since been working to rebuild. As a result he’s very weary of serious commitment. I would like to report we one day with someone and remarry or cohabitate, of which he is aware. Would you move on in this situation? Or let it play out?

Not sure I understand what you wrote here ... I assume it means you would at some point like a relationship committed enough that there is living together or marriage? And you are concerned this guy won't ever want those things? I'd say to chill out -- it's only been "several months" and you "have an amazing connection." Why would you move on? My DH was divorced before we met and not looking to ever marry again. He changed his mind with me. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. But you need to be patient, let it develop and give it a little breathing room. Given his situation, I wouldn't expect living together or anything like that for a couple of years. Respect that.

[Anonymous]

Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

[Anonymous]

It’s WARY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

You sound like you really want to be married. And the “live together” bit is lip service.

A lot of men in his situation are understandably wary of getting married again. Try not to take it personally. And be honest — if you really want marriage as the end goal, don’t dangle this “live together” circumstance as a permanent arrangement you would find acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

You sound like you really want to be married. And the “live together” bit is lip service.

A lot of men in his situation are understandably wary of getting married again. Try not to take it personally. And be honest — if you really want marriage as the end goal, don’t dangle this “live together” circumstance as a permanent arrangement you would find acceptable.

Op here. I’m divorced too and honestly ok with (and even prefer) just living together over marriage in some circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

You sound like you really want to be married. And the “live together” bit is lip service.

A lot of men in his situation are understandably wary of getting married again. Try not to take it personally. And be honest — if you really want marriage as the end goal, don’t dangle this “live together” circumstance as a permanent arrangement you would find acceptable.

Op here. I’m divorced too and honestly ok with (and even prefer) just living together over marriage in some circumstances.

If that's the case why are you asking this question,? Shouldn't you know if this situation is right for you? 🙄

You want to play both sides so you don't have to take responsibility if things don't work out.
You want to be married again just say that. It's fine.
Pretending to be something you aren't is a guaranteed way to end up divorced again.
If things end because you want marriage and he doesn't. That's okay.
And you are honestly better off without a guy who wants to project his issues with his ex onto you and your relationship
He's not you'll defend him
He is and that will become more apparent the longer you are with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

You sound like you really want to be married. And the “live together” bit is lip service.

A lot of men in his situation are understandably wary of getting married again. Try not to take it personally. And be honest — if you really want marriage as the end goal, don’t dangle this “live together” circumstance as a permanent arrangement you would find acceptable.

Op here. I’m divorced too and honestly ok with (and even prefer) just living together over marriage in some circumstances.

Are kids still at home (either yours or his)? Because that adds another layer of complications. He may want to keep his house a safe place for them while they’re still in school, and may not want to have a blended family.

[Anonymous]

Move on. He isn’t going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

PP here. Not what you want to hear -- but 14 years. I didn't care, because I think of marriage as a somewhat irrelevant stamp on the relationship from the government. We moved in together after 5 years, bought a house together after 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s WARY

Thank you- I was thinking that maybe she was having trouble keeping the man awake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that was a typo. Yes, basically I’d like to live together or remarry one day.

Thanks pp. Out of curiosity how long did you date your DH before he wanted to get married?

You sound like you really want to be married. And the “live together” bit is lip service.

A lot of men in his situation are understandably wary of getting married again. Try not to take it personally. And be honest — if you really want marriage as the end goal, don’t dangle this “live together” circumstance as a permanent arrangement you would find acceptable.

Op here. I’m divorced too and honestly ok with (and even prefer) just living together over marriage in some circumstances.

Are kids still at home (either yours or his)? Because that adds another layer of complications. He may want to keep his house a safe place for them while they’re still in school, and may not want to have a blended family.

There are not kids at home for either of us

[Anonymous]

I'm the one with commitment issues in my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend 7 months and we spend most days together and sleepover, but the idea of officially living together (and him giving up his place) or marriage triggers my commitment-phobia. We are both divorced, mine is much fresher and I have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one with commitment issues in my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend 7 months and we spend most days together and sleepover, but the idea of officially living together (and him giving up his place) or marriage triggers my commitment-phobia. We are both divorced, mine is much fresher and I have young kids.

What is it about commitment that scares you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one with commitment issues in my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend 7 months and we spend most days together and sleepover, but the idea of officially living together (and him giving up his place) or marriage triggers my commitment-phobia. We are both divorced, mine is much fresher and I have young kids.

What is it about commitment that scares you?

Eternity.