Convincing our church we want to stay at arm's length

[Anonymous]

We love worshipping at our church, but outside of the youth activities, DH and I don't want to get involved. How can be we politely convince them of this? The constant invitations are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

"I will stop coming if you don't leave me alone"

[Anonymous]

Are these direct to you or are you on the church distro for all things?

A polite “no thanks, not at this time. Please take us off the email list for XxX activity.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these direct to you or are you on the church distro for all things?

A polite “no thanks, not at this time. Please take us off the email list for XxX activity.”

Both.

[Anonymous]

Just keep saying no or ignore.

[Anonymous]

If you’re already a regular attender, then it sounds like they want to be inclusive. Lots of people respond well to personal invitations. It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk to someone directly - the pastor, or the head of the nominating board. Tell them you have things going on in your life that prevent you from taking on extra responsibilities, but the Sunday worship is really valuable to you & your families mental & spiritual health. In that situation, ask them, is there a place for our family here?
I mean, in not so many words, ask them if you need to leave the church & go elsewhere to have that level of involvement. I think most church leaders would say no, you are welcome & would make a note to stop asking you directly to volunteer or chair x,y,z.

[Anonymous]

How often are they calling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe talk to someone directly - the pastor, or the head of the nominating board. Tell them you have things going on in your life that prevent you from taking on extra responsibilities, but the Sunday worship is really valuable to you & your families mental & spiritual health. In that situation, ask them, is there a place for our family here?
I mean, in not so many words, ask them if you need to leave the church & go elsewhere to have that level of involvement. I think most church leaders would say no, you are welcome & would make a note to stop asking you directly to volunteer or chair x,y,z.

This is good advice.
But, just a note that churches run on everybody's "time, talent, or treasure" - it takes both volunteers and money to make it happen. Maybe you're already volunteering! If not, it's fair for them to ask you to contribute to the health of the organization you enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I agree, PP, but churches have to let people’s commitment ebb & flow as life allows. I taught Sunday school for years, volunteered at fairs & events, but now that I’m parenting teens & caring for an ill parent, I can’t right now. Hopefully I can contribute again once my teens are out of the house & my parents have passed on - but right now, attending Sunday service is really helpful me & keeps me going in some hard times. Hopefully church leaders understand that.

[Anonymous]

Churches depend on their congregation to help out and build community. It think it’s wrong to be a free-loader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re already a regular attender, then it sounds like they want to be inclusive. Lots of people respond well to personal invitations. It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I'm PP who asked what kind of outreach it is. Many people attend church in part for the community and want outreach to feel welcomed. Plus, as others mentioned, any organization including a house of worship needs volunteers.

I think a nice "thank you so much. Our plates are really full, feel free to take us off the email distros and we'll let you know once we're able to take on a volunteer role."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Churches depend on their congregation to help out and build community. It think it’s wrong to be a free-loader.

I've seen this play out. The neighborhood church near us has stopped with its annual small fall/harvest festival (small games, food for sale on a grill) and pumpkin patch several years ago. More recently, their Christmas tree lot. Small things like these build community.

[Anonymous]

You can just keep saying "no."

But you understand a church is a community, right? It isn't a building that has a nice, spiritual and musical event on Sunday mornings. It isn't a group that has nice classes for kids on Sunday mornings. It is a Christian community. And members of a community should remember to give the three "T's" ... time, talent, treasure. My church (a traditional denomination that is politically liberal one fwiw) expects members to give all three of these things. If you are just attending (going to church and sending kids to Sunday School) and giving money, you are missing 2/3 things that are absolutely expected of you.

That said, I'd say a good 1/4 or more of members don't give time/talent. That can be a real problem though -- for example, that nice service? It literally won't happen without ushers, who are volunteers. That Sunday School your kids are enjoying? Same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe talk to someone directly - the pastor, or the head of the nominating board. Tell them you have things going on in your life that prevent you from taking on extra responsibilities, but the Sunday worship is really valuable to you & your families mental & spiritual health. In that situation, ask them, is there a place for our family here?
I mean, in not so many words, ask them if you need to leave the church & go elsewhere to have that level of involvement. I think most church leaders would say no, you are welcome & would make a note to stop asking you directly to volunteer or chair x,y,z.

I do think this is good advice, but I'm not sure it solve's OP's issue. A church is not the leadership -- it's the community. I try to recruit people to help out with things all the time and I would have no idea that someone had had this conversation with our priest.