AITA not giving SIL inheritance
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Anonymous
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SIL is irresponsible with money and asks her aging parents to bail her out. And they always do, even when they don’t have it to spare. They most recently took out a loan for SIL.
The latest is FIL asked DH to give up his share of whatever is remaining for inheritance to give to SIL because “she has bad credit.” (Think 50/50 to 100/0) I can’t stop being angry. It’s not the money, it’s the concept. AITA - I asked DH to say no about giving up inheritance to his sister. I’m also ready to have a conversation with FIL myself. How would you approach this so it doesn’t seem about the $$? |
Anonymous
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But isnt it the money?
If FIL is still alive, it's still his $, he doesnt have to ask your dh for permission to spend his own money. You really have no say in this unless you are trying to help your sil in some kind and supportive way. |
Anonymous
It is about the money. There is no reasonable way to pretend differently. It’s not up to you. It’s not up to your husband either. |
Anonymous
| So, father in law asked HIS son to give up his inheritance. The son (your husband) can agree or disagree. |
Anonymous
| It’s FIL’s money and he brought the issue up with his son, not with you. Stay in your lane. This literally has nothing to do with you. It is FIL’s money and he want his SON’S counsel on what td do now. |
Anonymous
| How would your conversation go? |
Anonymous
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It is unfair. Come to terms with the fact that there will be no inheritance. They have already given a large part to SIL. That said, suggest to DH to suggest to his Dad to consider an annuity for your SIL so she doesn’t blow it all at once.
Concentrate on your blessings. |
Anonymous
| Advise DH to tell FIL, that it is FIL’s money to due with as he please. Have him also say that when SIL blows through that money, DH will not be responsible for her at all. |
Anonymous
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FIL should set his estate up as a trust, with your DH as executor. He can draw a modest salary, and your sil won’t be permitted to blue through it.
If you don’t actually need the money, op, no need to be petty here. But good to be smart. |
Anonymous
| *blow |
Anonymous
Exactly this. The request was hurtful but it is his money. |
Anonymous
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We had a relative like SIL. She constantly requested money from her parents, tried to steal items when we were cleaning out the house after they died, got money from her kids for a while…
My DH’s parents added her to their will to receive a small amount. She will just blow through it. Someone has gotten some social programs in place to help her. I recommend staying out of it and letting your DH handle it. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she is the disadvantaged child. Maybe she has been paid less than men over her lifetime. Maybe she is sick in the head somehow and it really shows now that she is adult. Now the parents can see it and trying balance it with money. |
Anonymous
or throwing good money after bad. |
Anonymous
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This is not your issue to resolve. As your DH how he wants to respond and then support his decision.
If you go off on FIL, you're making your DH's life more complicated. That's not being supportive. Also, talk to DH about if he wants to support SIL in the future and, if he does, what that might look like. Agree with PPs to consider asking FIL to set up a trust. |