I'm sad/anxious about things & DH doesn't care

[Anonymous]

He tells me to see a therapist, but really, I just need him to listen for a bit so I can get a few things off my chest. He never has. Is something a spouse should do?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes but not on the regular. Phone a friend.

Also if you need to vent about something that is not normal to vent about you need therapy.

It’s loving to let a spouse know when they are out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

[Anonymous]

A spouse should listen! But what you want to get off your chest he may not be able to help you with. Put your thoughts in writing to him and see how he responds. I’ve done it a couple of times and it has given my husband time to really think about what I’m saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

Yeah, a therapist would be useful for a couple of reasons here.

[Anonymous]

My DH doesn't listen to me because he's too anxious. It took me a while to figure this out because he had no problem dumping endlessly on me and I stupidly thought he was just "going through a rough patch". But it was only after we married and had our first kid I realized it would never be reciprocal.

A therapist could be helpful for figuring some things out, OP.

[Anonymous]

He should listen if you want him to (within reason) because that's the nice thing to do.

However, if he's anything like me, he simply won't understand the use of the interaction on an emotional level. I have never found any benefit to telling someone about my problems unless they could (or I thought they might) help me toward a solution.

Talking about the things that make me sad or anxious just compounds the sadness or anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He tells me to see a therapist, but really, I just need him to listen for a bit so I can get a few things off my chest. He never has. Is something a spouse should do?

Ideally, yes. Spouses should be kind and empathetic. However, you would still benefit from professional therapy and probably some anti-anxiety medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

You need to find friends and family, you can lean on but you do need a therapist. You are more than welcome to post anonymously, that's what the s forum is for. Just change details to maintain privacy of yourself and your family.

[Anonymous]

Just take given advice on forums with several grains of salt as 99.99% posters don't have a background in mental health.

[Anonymous]

DH here. Honestly, I did not come into my marriage knowing that this was sometimes what my wife needed from me. It took me a good five or ten years to figure it out - and part of that came from my wife teaching me that that is what she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any friends.

Any particular reason why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

Yeah, a therapist would be useful for a couple of reasons here.

Because I don't have friends? I'd love for you tell me when I'm supposed to meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

Yeah, a therapist would be useful for a couple of reasons here.

Because I don't have friends? I'd love for you tell me when I'm supposed to meet people.

I fully agree with your husband. You need a therapist you're casting the responsibility for your emotions and well being on to him.

S spouse is meant to be empathetic not your anxiety coach

[Anonymous]

I think a therapist will be life altering for you.


(And no, I don't think a husband should do this, especially since he probably rightly suspects that him listening is not going to help that much.)

You need a therapist who can shine a mirror on you and help you change.