How important is it to attend grandmother’s 70th birthday?
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Anonymous
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MIL is having a 70th birthday party with her friends. DH and BIL are planning to attend. It is an adult party and we would need to fly there. My kids have sports tournaments. DH seems to think it is fine for the kids and I not to come. I am happy to not go but I’m surprised Dh isn’t making us go or that MIL isn’t wanting for us to come more. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy to get a pass but I would suck it up and take our kids for the weekend.
Would you take your kids to this type of party? There will be no other kids, just our kids. |
Anonymous
| No - I imagine she wants to enjoy her adult friends and would be happy to dote on the kids in a separate visit |
Anonymous
| You wouldn't go anyway, why do you want them to beg you to come? |
Anonymous
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Classic lose-lose scenario for MIL. She asks you to come, you'll be furious at her gall for DEMANDING YOU FLY OUT THERE AND UPEND YOUR FAMILY'S SCHEDULE. She doesn't ask you to come, and you're offended that SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO WANT YOU THERE WITH THE PRECIOUS GRANDKIDS. Sigh. |
Anonymous
Exactly. She can’t win. |
Anonymous
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It would depend on what type of party it is. I've been to parties for people that age where children are not welcome and parties where they are. Do you have any idea what kind of party this is?
Given their reaction, that may be a tactful way for them to show that this is an adults-only party. My great aunt had her 80th birthday at a casino that didn't admit people under 21, so I didn't go because I stayed with my kids. I was disappointed, but I understood that that is what her children, who threw her the party, wanted. I agree that I prefer a more obvious explanation, but people will be people. Don't worry about it. Enjoy the sports practices and games. |
Anonymous
| Why would you think of taking your kids to an adult party? That's just wrong. |
Anonymous
You’re all the same. You really are. Never willing to cut a MIL any slack. It’s not a “tactful way of saying it’s an adults only party.” It’s the MIL recognizing that it’s asking a lot of her DIL to come and bring the kids and not wanting to burden her too much. |
Anonymous
| No- I would have DC make some thing cute (if younger) or make a video to send with DH. |
Anonymous
| It seems ok not to attend. But if you wanted to be actually nice about it, send MIL flowers from you and the kids to be delivered on her birthday. |
Anonymous
It is an adult party with all her friends. I’m going to guess a few adult children may come who are DH’s age (forties). There willl be no children. My kids have sports and birthday parties. |
Anonymous
OP here. I don’t think it is lose lose. I drag all my kids to visit my parents on regular birthdays. Occasionally one kid has something important and may stay behind with DH but I would take the other kids. For my parents, seeing the grandchildren is the gift. MIL is happy enough for both her kids to fly home to visit her. They rarely do. |
Anonymous
| Troll Post #6 |
Anonymous
The way you phrase this suggests that she should want to be with her grandchildren more, and it's fair for you to feel that way. But moving on from the judgement, an adult party sounds like the perfect time for her to get the gift of seeing her two kids. I'm sure you've read tons of posts from MILs who just want some one-on-one time with her son. Well, your MIL may take that feeling to the extreme, but at least in this case I think you can embrace it. I agree that you can send flowers and celebrate her from afar. |
Anonymous
| My dad died when he was 72. I would go. |