How to be a fun parent

[Anonymous]

I would love to be more fun with my kid, but I feel like she’s insatiable and if I start fun things, she is Whitney when we need ti stop.

I saw the post about watching funny YouTube videos, and I’d love to do that with my kid for 20 minutes, but she would whine when it was time to go to bed. Same thing with treats, being silly, and other fun stuff. I want to do that stuff, but she doesn’t have an “off button” and when it’s time to switch gears and get ready for school, eat dinner, practice an instrument or transition to any less fun activity, she whines. So I’m less fun than I want to be!

I’ve tried to explain this to her (she’s 7), but it doesn’t really help. Whenever I think, “ohhhh, we have 20 minutes and I would love to do something fun,” my next thought is about the ensuing fight when it’s time to move on to a less fun activity.

[Anonymous]

It’s a mindset. For me it was worth it to tolerate the whining because in the end everyone only remembers the fun. And when we’re all honest, most of our kids have some degree of expressing their displeasure at the end of fun time.

[Anonymous]

Do you warn her about timing before you start? We're going to play one game, watch one video, watch for 20 minutes etc? Set a timer she can watch so she knows?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

[Anonymous]

I tell my child it will feel bad when we turn it off, but if child allows bad feelings to become bad behavior, we will not do it again. I tell child instead of bad behavior to come in for a hug. It takes a few mistakes but eventually works

[Anonymous]

I have found that for my kid (who sounds similar -- has always had a ton of trouble with transitions plus gets obsessive about enjoyable activities and wants to do them forever and ever) it helps to schedule certain activities less often but for longer. So like do the YouTube video thing, but don't keep it to 20 minutes. Let it go on longer. Like what do you think might happen if you did it for an hour? In my experience, letting these things play themselves out does eventually lead to my kid choosing to stop. When you try to put tight time limits on things, it makes them feel panicky and that makes those transitions so much worse. Do it on a rainy afternoon when you don't have something else scheduled.

If you really only have 20 minutes, maybe don't do a specific activity and instead just commit to chilling out and enjoying her company. Letting her take the lead. My go-to is to put on our playlist that we all throw our favorite songs of the moment onto, which tends to put everyone in a good mood pretty quickly. Then we just hang out. I'll lie on her bed and just watch her play or we'll hang out on the couch and talk and there' son agenda. It's nice. Sometimes I'll pull out some paper and markers and start drawing and she might join in, but it's not like "let's do art" it's just relaxing and passing the time without any particular goal.

I think from her perspective, trying to do specific activities for 20 minute increments is probably brutal because if you are someone who takes a bit of time to settle in activity, stopping at 20 minutes will feel like you literally just started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

You just stonewall rather than get frustrated and indulge her by listening to all her whines. I just say, "Nope, we're all done. Moving onto X." And then I stop talking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

You just stonewall rather than get frustrated and indulge her by listening to all her whines. I just say, "Nope, we're all done. Moving onto X." And then I stop talking about it.

Yep. Fun moms are fun because they are good about structure and boundaries. Fun time is fun. When it’s done, it’s done and everyone’s moving on. Kids do well with knowing the adult is in charge so they can just be the kid. It actually isn’t good for them to believe they can run the show. This is similar to teaching- the fun teachers are the ones who always had control of the class. It’s not fun when the teacher tries to be fun but can’t control anyone and then it’s a zoo and she’s screaming and the whole situation has gotten stressful. Once you have firm boundaries and structure, you get to lean into being fun.

[Anonymous]

I really tried to be mindful and say yes to more this year if I can't think of a good reason to say no. What I consider a good reason changes from day to day some days if I am spent it is because I'm tired while other days. If it's just because I don't want to do it, I will agree...... I really had to tell my kids a lot better because of it and we've done some pretty fun activities and adventures that we wouldn't have otherwise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be more fun with my kid, but I feel like she’s insatiable and if I start fun things, she is Whitney when we need ti stop.

I saw the post about watching funny YouTube videos, and I’d love to do that with my kid for 20 minutes, but she would whine when it was time to go to bed. Same thing with treats, being silly, and other fun stuff. I want to do that stuff, but she doesn’t have an “off button” and when it’s time to switch gears and get ready for school, eat dinner, practice an instrument or transition to any less fun activity, she whines. So I’m less fun than I want to be!

I’ve tried to explain this to her (she’s 7), but it doesn’t really help. Whenever I think, “ohhhh, we have 20 minutes and I would love to do something fun,” my next thought is about the ensuing fight when it’s time to move on to a less fun activity.

The key is making these activities fun as well. “Fun” just comes with how engaged you are in an activity. If you don’t see it as a chore where your mind is thinking about how fun it would be to do something else, anything can become fun. Eating dinner can br your chance for a fun conversation, getting ready can be the chance to pick out fun clothes or seeing who can get ready the fastest, practicing an instrument can be the chance to hear how much you’ve improved since the last practice, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

Why are obtaining consent for the end point from a 7 year old? It’s contributing to whining…if she felt she could contribute to the timing at the start, she’s more likely to whine because she feels she should have more agency. She’s 7, not 17, and her logic is very simple.

[Anonymous]

It's a hard transition. I'm sure all of us dcumers commiserate bc it's hard to pull yourself away from screens.

[Anonymous]

It might help if you have something that she doesn't dread lined up. No kid wants or woukd be enthusiastic to put down screens to go practice their instrument or do chores.
Can you ease into it by having something semi-interesring to do next fir the transition? Help slice cucumbers or put the cherry tomatoes in the salad fir dinner? Grab a special treat or a cookie from the pantry as you head out the door to run an errand? Use a silly voice with a made up goofy story to entice her to get shoes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

You just stonewall rather than get frustrated and indulge her by listening to all her whines. I just say, "Nope, we're all done. Moving onto X." And then I stop talking about it.

Yep. Fun moms are fun because they are good about structure and boundaries. Fun time is fun. When it’s done, it’s done and everyone’s moving on. Kids do well with knowing the adult is in charge so they can just be the kid. It actually isn’t good for them to believe they can run the show. This is similar to teaching- the fun teachers are the ones who always had control of the class. It’s not fun when the teacher tries to be fun but can’t control anyone and then it’s a zoo and she’s screaming and the whole situation has gotten stressful. Once you have firm boundaries and structure, you get to lean into being fun.

And, almost ironically, the OPPOSITE is also true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be more fun with my kid, but I feel like she’s insatiable and if I start fun things, she is Whitney when we need ti stop.

I saw the post about watching funny YouTube videos, and I’d love to do that with my kid for 20 minutes, but she would whine when it was time to go to bed. Same thing with treats, being silly, and other fun stuff. I want to do that stuff, but she doesn’t have an “off button” and when it’s time to switch gears and get ready for school, eat dinner, practice an instrument or transition to any less fun activity, she whines. So I’m less fun than I want to be!

I’ve tried to explain this to her (she’s 7), but it doesn’t really help. Whenever I think, “ohhhh, we have 20 minutes and I would love to do something fun,” my next thought is about the ensuing fight when it’s time to move on to a less fun activity.

This is going to sound silly or like a gimmick but, I have found that using the alarm on my phone helps. I think this is partially because it is not "me" telling them that they are done, it the "neutral" alarm.