How to be a fun parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be more fun with my kid, but I feel like she’s insatiable and if I start fun things, she is Whitney when we need ti stop.

I saw the post about watching funny YouTube videos, and I’d love to do that with my kid for 20 minutes, but she would whine when it was time to go to bed. Same thing with treats, being silly, and other fun stuff. I want to do that stuff, but she doesn’t have an “off button” and when it’s time to switch gears and get ready for school, eat dinner, practice an instrument or transition to any less fun activity, she whines. So I’m less fun than I want to be!

I’ve tried to explain this to her (she’s 7), but it doesn’t really help. Whenever I think, “ohhhh, we have 20 minutes and I would love to do something fun,” my next thought is about the ensuing fight when it’s time to move on to a less fun activity.

This is going to sound silly or like a gimmick but, I have found that using the alarm on my phone helps. I think this is partially because it is not "me" telling them that they are done, it the "neutral" alarm.

I find the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be more fun with my kid, but I feel like she’s insatiable and if I start fun things, she is Whitney when we need ti stop.

I saw the post about watching funny YouTube videos, and I’d love to do that with my kid for 20 minutes, but she would whine when it was time to go to bed. Same thing with treats, being silly, and other fun stuff. I want to do that stuff, but she doesn’t have an “off button” and when it’s time to switch gears and get ready for school, eat dinner, practice an instrument or transition to any less fun activity, she whines. So I’m less fun than I want to be!

I’ve tried to explain this to her (she’s 7), but it doesn’t really help. Whenever I think, “ohhhh, we have 20 minutes and I would love to do something fun,” my next thought is about the ensuing fight when it’s time to move on to a less fun activity.

This is going to sound silly or like a gimmick but, I have found that using the alarm on my phone helps. I think this is partially because it is not "me" telling them that they are done, it the "neutral" alarm.

I find the same.

This is pp, also I've been doing this from the beginning with them so it's baked in and part of our routine/dynamic - I'm not sure how this might play out if your are introducing it to a 7yo out of the blue. Also, it's not fool-proof - I sometimes get the push-back. But, I also will give them a couple more minutes by "snoozing" the alarm or adding time to the clock. Up front, I also sometimes indulge in negotiating the time which I think helps since what we ultimately agree on is a little more than my "initial offer" and it's a time that they "picked". Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Transitions are hard for some kids. Don't beat yourself up. Just try to establish boundaries. It won't happen overnight. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

20 minutes is not enough, you need to schedule longer time period. Also, get a calendar and try to slot in activities together. Your DD will know when and how much of an activity she is getting, it will make it easier for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I do warn her and obtain consent for the end point…but when it’s time to do something else, she still begs, whines, procrastinates and complains. And then I get frustrated.

What do you mean by the bolded? Why are you asking consent from a seven year old for when the fun ends?

Being a fun parent means providing warmth AND structure. You can't just be all warmth and fun all the time with no structure - that's permissive and rarely ends well. Same for all structure and no warmth/fun.

"Larla, I am so excited to watch these YouTube videos with you! We'll watch for 20 minutes and then move onto [next thing]."

It's not mean or harsh to be the grownup and establish the rules. Kids need that, however much they may claim they don't.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to schedule fun in small increments between lots of obligations. That doesn't sound fun.

Busy adults do this stuff and convince themselves it's great because it's efficient, but your 7 year old is letting you know it's not great. No one wants to hear "ok we will have fun for 20 minutes and then back to the grind!" It might be how you live because that's how you get through a life full of obligations. But a 7 yr old isn't built for that. She wants to actually relax, and she doesn't want to stop doing a fun activity right when it was starting to get really enjoyable.

Can you really not find a full hour to do a fun activity between school, work, practice, homework, and bed? That's the issue -- you only have 20 minutes.