Managing excruciating emotions

[Anonymous]

If you’ve experienced something horrific that came along with very painful emotions say a death or divorce or something, how did you manage your tough emotions?

[Anonymous]

Music

[Anonymous]

Therapy, meditation, mindfulness, journaling, reading books on the same subject.

But also: insomnia, depression, anxiety, a few bouts of self-harm. That stuff is obviously not as productive but when you are talking about "excruciating" emotions, that is sometimes what happens. I have serious childhood trauma plus compounding adult traumas, and a lot of my feelings around these events are loaded with shame as a result of how I grew up, so I have to fight very hard against internalizing my negative emotions around these events and becoming hopeless or spiraling out of control.

One thing I am good at is not simply numbing. A lot of people turn to alcohol, drugs or screens to simply avoid these feelings, and for whatever reason, that's never been my impulse. I'm more apt to ruminate endlessly, but I don't hide from them. One thing I think has helped in this regard is that when I want to escape these feelings, I have a few healthy outlets that help me do so (exercise, time outdoors, and art, whether in the form of reading novels or going to a museum and looking at something beautiful). So I can still escape, but not with activities that just shut my brain off. Though I will admit to occasionally enjoying a mindless game on my phone during difficult moments to help bring me down, but I don't fully numb myself. I don't actually think I'm capable of doing that -- my emotions live very close to the surface and I think that's why they are often so excruciating for me. I think people who are better at numbing often simply don't feel as bad because they can't access their negative emotions as readily. Which probably makes day to day life easier, but I don't think it is ultimately healthier because this stuff has a way of making itself known, whether consciously or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy, meditation, mindfulness, journaling, reading books on the same subject.

But also: insomnia, depression, anxiety, a few bouts of self-harm. That stuff is obviously not as productive but when you are talking about "excruciating" emotions, that is sometimes what happens. I have serious childhood trauma plus compounding adult traumas, and a lot of my feelings around these events are loaded with shame as a result of how I grew up, so I have to fight very hard against internalizing my negative emotions around these events and becoming hopeless or spiraling out of control.

One thing I am good at is not simply numbing. A lot of people turn to alcohol, drugs or screens to simply avoid these feelings, and for whatever reason, that's never been my impulse. I'm more apt to ruminate endlessly, but I don't hide from them. One thing I think has helped in this regard is that when I want to escape these feelings, I have a few healthy outlets that help me do so (exercise, time outdoors, and art, whether in the form of reading novels or going to a museum and looking at something beautiful). So I can still escape, but not with activities that just shut my brain off. Though I will admit to occasionally enjoying a mindless game on my phone during difficult moments to help bring me down, but I don't fully numb myself. I don't actually think I'm capable of doing that -- my emotions live very close to the surface and I think that's why they are often so excruciating for me. I think people who are better at numbing often simply don't feel as bad because they can't access their negative emotions as readily. Which probably makes day to day life easier, but I don't think it is ultimately healthier because this stuff has a way of making itself known, whether consciously or not.

^ all if this.

I am going through a divorce and recently got a bunch of spots burned off at the dermatologist and getting regular Brazilian waxes just because it’s painful.

[Anonymous]

Also add, make sure you are drinking enough water and eating.

My appetite has disappeared, but when I don’t eat things feel so much worse.

[Anonymous]

Exercise, eating as healthy as possible, therapy, music, friends as distractions... but not expecting them to be therapists, reading stories of resilience online, sharing on online message boards with others who have been through the same thing..

[Anonymous]

The goal is to get the emotions under control.

Daily and frequent affirmations.

This too shall pass.

It’s for the best.

I will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Meditation, breathing, getting outside, walking, reading or tv/movies for distraction.

Don't fight your emotions, try to let them flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also add, make sure you are drinking enough water and eating.

My appetite has disappeared, but when I don’t eat things feel so much worse.

OP here. Thank you for this reminder. I’ve lost almost 20lbs the last month from loss of appetite.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. Therapy for sure. Also meditation through imcw.org. Specifically that one.

[Anonymous]

EMDR therapy. I’m the EMDR therapy PP/OP who always comes on dcum to mention this because I learned of it here on dcum!

I struggled with debilitating phobias and generalized anxiety disorder that spiraled into an eating disorder and living in a state of constant anxiety that affected my heart function! A dark place to be but stumbled on to a thread about EMDR. Lifesaving and life changing and I’m not being dramatic.
I was in the midst of my parent slowly dying of a horrific disease with complications. EMDR therapy released me from emotional disregulation and lifelong anticipatory anxiety that continues almost a decade later.

[Anonymous]

The benefits continue almost a decade later…

[Anonymous]

For me it was daily walks, and 90's sitcoms. Everybody Loves Raymond got me through one of the toughest periods in my adult life. Laughing is the best medicine.

[Anonymous]

Going through this now. Walking for miles and miles. Podcasts. Reading. Sleep aids. Eat anything just to get calories in. Be around friends. Therapy.

[Anonymous]

Tetris is supposed to help in the immediate aftermath of traumatic events. There is research to back it up.