Friend mad that we aren't all accommodating her new healthy lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Basically my friend has completely transformed her life to get healthy. She's super strict with food and workouts. Which is great for her. Our friend group has tried to be accommodating as we can and do things that she will be able to partake in (for instance if we went to a restaurant she wouldn't eat because her diet is that strict so we do non food things)
There started to be issues about a month ago when we had a party for one of our friends at my house. I made sure I had food she could eat but she still made some passive aggressive comments about the food offered for others
It has all come to a head as we've started to plan our annual 4 day weekend away. We typically book somewhere warm and just veg on the beach with drinks and food and eating out at fun restaurants. Well, friend has been texting us staying we are insensitive and rude for wanting to keep doing this knowing she would not be able to partake in all that.

I need to say something to her because I've been the closest to her but I'm very conflict adverse. The reality is, we have accommodated her a ton. But we are all tired and stressed out moms who enjoy this weekend away and really want to do what we want. Friend can still come and enjoy everything, but we aren't going to skip dinners out that we enjoy because she can't eat it. And that's what she's so upset about.

So I guess just looking for advice on how to phrase things. Anytime I come up with something, I just feel like its ruder than I want to be.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she wants to have her kale and eat it too.

Sounds like there's no pleasing her.

[Anonymous]

"Heather, we know these lifestyle changes are important to you. We've adjusted a lot of things to accommodate them, because your friendship matters to us. But for this trip, we just want to veg out and drink and eat whatever we'd like. We're all tired and stressed and we need this break. We'd love to have you join us, but please know that we're not going to plan dinners around your dietary restrictions. If that changes your plans, we understand."

Or something. She sounds incredibly high maintenance and frankly, it's impressive you all have accommodated her as much as you have. I would... not do that.

[Anonymous]

What are her ideas for the vacation? Has she come up with options that work for her and presented them to the group?

[Anonymous]

What does her diet consist of that she can’t find something at a restaurant (plain salad with dressing on the side). What does she propose you all do for meals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Heather, we know these lifestyle changes are important to you. We've adjusted a lot of things to accommodate them, because your friendship matters to us. But for this trip, we just want to veg out and drink and eat whatever we'd like. We're all tired and stressed and we need this break. We'd love to have you join us, but please know that we're not going to plan dinners around your dietary restrictions. If that changes your plans, we understand."

Or something. She sounds incredibly high maintenance and frankly, it's impressive you all have accommodated her as much as you have. I would... not do that.

+1 She's taking her misery out on you all.

[Anonymous]

I've been focusing very hard this last year on making serious changes to my lifestyle, including to my eating habits and my activity levels. I'm like a kid looking forward to Xmas, I am that excited about my annual exam in early December and to see how much my lab work has changed.

But as focused as I am, I know very well that the foundation to a healthy lifestyle is sharing time with good friends and family who uplift you. That doesn't mean always agree with you or behave exactly as you do. Unless your friend is doing a restrictive - and thus unhealthy - diet, she should be able to accommodate her lifestyle to weekly gatherings with friends even at restaurants or homes where others prepare the foods, and she should certainly be able to relax her parameters for a once yearly short vacation with friends, including eating a bit more decadently and maybe drinking a little more than she normally would. Or she can adhere to her restrictions and not make constant comments about the choices others are making and/or the limitations she is imposing on herself.

It sounds like she needs to do some work in therapy or self-help around issues like controlling thinking and behavior, and self acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her diet consist of that she can’t find something at a restaurant (plain salad with dressing on the side). What does she propose you all do for meals?

Exactly, I am pretty strict about what I eat and can find something on every menu. I get a little stressed out due to temptation but I would never ask people not to do something because of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Heather, we know these lifestyle changes are important to you. We've adjusted a lot of things to accommodate them, because your friendship matters to us. But for this trip, we just want to veg out and drink and eat whatever we'd like. We're all tired and stressed and we need this break. We'd love to have you join us, but please know that we're not going to plan dinners around your dietary restrictions. If that changes your plans, we understand."

Or something. She sounds incredibly high maintenance and frankly, it's impressive you all have accommodated her as much as you have. I would... not do that.

+1 she sounds extremely high maintenance. I wouldn’t change a thing to accommodate her because it already seems like your group has.

[Anonymous]

There was a period in my life when I was exercising and eating super clean and could not eat at restaurants. I was in the best shape of my life, honestly.

However, I would never have reproached anyone for living their normal lives, and would never have asked for accommodations! Even strict diets have cheat meals!

Your friend is being quite rude. I would tell her that the group has made reasonable accommodations and you regret that she feels excluded.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Super entitled. I would drop her like a hot rock cause I don't have time or patience for that BS. Hard pass for me. She's not a friend, she's a wannabe diva.

Go, have a blast, and make tons of posts with pics showing your fun times and great meals.

[Anonymous]

If she’s that strict that she can’t even eat in a restaurant, then she probably should not join you. I’m pretty careful with what I eat and can almost always find something on menu I enjoy. She’s probably getting really anxious about veering from her diet. I would tell her that restaurants are generally pretty accommodating and that you all don’t care if she doesn’t drink. But it’s really not fair to tell others that they can’t let loose and eat and drink what they want.

[Anonymous]

Are you actually proud of what she has done? Because she sounds more like someone with an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

She's being rude. And besides, you all should NOT have to accommodate her. She can go out with the groups and not eat.

She doesn't get to take-up so much oxygen in the room.

[Anonymous]

"Larla, you do you and let us eat what we want."