Living with my Dad is so hard

[Anonymous]

Dad moved in with us during the pandemic. I don't think I can do it anymore. The guilt is so difficult to bear (moving him into a place), but living with him I think is making sick. My daughter doesn't seem to mind (pre-teen) but I find she spends a lot of time in her room. DH is nice, but kind of checked out. I think we need to look at Assisted Living. I guess just venting, but so so hard.

[Anonymous]

“Assisted” living is a product, and can consist of many different things, all of which are expensive and none of which are geared to anything but profit, at least in my miserable experience.

If you give some details on what his needs are, what financing is available and the (understandable) difficulties you’re experiencing having him live with you, people might be able to offer better suggestions, as opposed to merely empathizing.

Why did he come to your place in the first instance? Where did he move from? Why can’t he go back there? Have you looked at any places? Does he have any friends at any places?

[Anonymous]

I’m happy to merely emphasize. It’s really hard OP. It’s hard no matter what you do so you have to protect your life too.

[Anonymous]

You didn't say anything about what makes it difficult.

[Anonymous]

What makes it difficult?

[Anonymous]

Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

[Anonymous]

How old is he? Does he have financial resources? I’ve seen some very good assisted living places, so don’t automatically assume it’s not a better option than living with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

I entirely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

“Steals so much time.”

Wow. That’s really dehumanizing. An aging person’s needs reduced to “theft.”

“They should move.”

No they shouldn’t. They should have the money to stay home with full time live in care and attention. But almost nobody can afford that. Just like the vast majority of older people can’t afford to just move to a “continuous care facility.”

There’s no one size fits all solution to these situations, least of all a glib dismissal of the elderly as not even worthy of human dignity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

“Steals so much time.”

Wow. That’s really dehumanizing. An aging person’s needs reduced to “theft.”

“They should move.”

No they shouldn’t. They should have the money to stay home with full time live in care and attention. But almost nobody can afford that. Just like the vast majority of older people can’t afford to just move to a “continuous care facility.”

There’s no one size fits all solution to these situations, least of all a glib dismissal of the elderly as not even worthy of human dignity.

Well said. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

“Steals so much time.”

Wow. That’s really dehumanizing. An aging person’s needs reduced to “theft.”

“They should move.”

No they shouldn’t. They should have the money to stay home with full time live in care and attention. But almost nobody can afford that. Just like the vast majority of older people can’t afford to just move to a “continuous care facility.”

There’s no one size fits all solution to these situations, least of all a glib dismissal of the elderly as not even worthy of human dignity.

Sorry you did not save and now you will be a burden to your children.

Yes, if you can’t be a full adult with your own life and your own living arrangements (unless you are disabled) you are irresponsible. You are a burden and you are stealing precious moments children should spend with their parent.

You are selfish and irresponsible.

Get a life and visit with your family once a week or once a month but don’t live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

“Steals so much time.”

Wow. That’s really dehumanizing. An aging person’s needs reduced to “theft.”

“They should move.”

No they shouldn’t. They should have the money to stay home with full time live in care and attention. But almost nobody can afford that. Just like the vast majority of older people can’t afford to just move to a “continuous care facility.”

There’s no one size fits all solution to these situations, least of all a glib dismissal of the elderly as not even worthy of human dignity.

Sorry you did not save and now you will be a burden to your children.

Yes, if you can’t be a full adult with your own life and your own living arrangements (unless you are disabled) you are irresponsible. You are a burden and you are stealing precious moments children should spend with their parent.

You are selfish and irresponsible.

Get a life and visit with your family once a week or once a month but don’t live with them.

Where did you learn to hate like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving parents into a house with your kids is a disaster. It’s exhausting and steals so much time from your spouse and children.

They should move to continuous care facilities where they can live independently and have their own identity and friends.

Reclaim your life and enable your dad to have one of his own,

“Steals so much time.”

Wow. That’s really dehumanizing. An aging person’s needs reduced to “theft.”

“They should move.”

No they shouldn’t. They should have the money to stay home with full time live in care and attention. But almost nobody can afford that. Just like the vast majority of older people can’t afford to just move to a “continuous care facility.”

There’s no one size fits all solution to these situations, least of all a glib dismissal of the elderly as not even worthy of human dignity.

Sorry you did not save and now you will be a burden to your children.

Yes, if you can’t be a full adult with your own life and your own living arrangements (unless you are disabled) you are irresponsible. You are a burden and you are stealing precious moments children should spend with their parent.

You are selfish and irresponsible.

Get a life and visit with your family once a week or once a month but don’t live with them.

Where did you learn to hate like this?

It's love not hate. Where did you learn to be so passive aggressive and needy and blame everybody for your own failings.

I cared for my parents until the day they died but they lived 15 minutes from me and made sure they had friend, activities and outings... with people their own age. Family was close and they were able to see their grandkids on the regular. They were strong, active and independent until their final weeks/months.

I truly feel for people who spent their whole live spending money and not saving and find themselves in a pickle but own you own decisions. Actions have consequences.

[Anonymous]

The average person, not the wealthy on this forum, cannot save enough money to pay for assisted living, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The average person, not the wealthy on this forum, cannot save enough money to pay for assisted living, etc.

We are not talking about assisted living we are talking about independent living. Many are very affordable especially if you sell a house. You can pay $150,000 to get in and $3000/month which includes one meal a day, activities, maintenance, and shuttle to dr appointments.

Once you are in a place like this they will move you to other level's of living and take your SS and medicare as payment. They don't kick you out. Many never go to the next level.