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Husband pressuring breastfeeding
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Anonymous
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My husband and I are expecting our second child next month and he’s pushing me to breastfeed. I had a really rough experience with my first son and my plan was to go straight to formula. He really thinks breastfeeding due the first 6 weeks of life or through the winter months will be best. He’s encouraging me to at least give it a try which is making me feel guilty. I talked to my OB and the pediatrician and they both said I should at least try because I may have a different experience with this baby. Would you try, and did you have a different ( better) experience with your second child.
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Anonymous
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Issues with first were a tongue tie that didn’t help with latch even after revision. I have small flat nipples and the nipple shield didn’t help much. He just never took to breastfeeding. I had a huge supply and was able to pump and freeze but that started to slowly tank around 8 weeks. I supplemented with formula at 4 months when I went back to work PT and fully went to formula at 6 months. Not that it matters but I plan to use a high quality organic European formula. I will be going back to work PT at 4 months or going back FT at 6 months ( undecided).
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Anonymous
It is your choice and only your choice! If he wants to breastfeed then he can grow some breasts and do it himself. |
Anonymous
This x 1,000 |
Anonymous
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My first was really rough, only did it for 6 weeks. My second was much better at it and I did it for 4-5 months. Tell him his pressure just adds to the negativity of the whole thing and makes you even less likely to want to try at all which isn't helping, considering you're already at a no.
It is absolutely your choice. I was glad I gave it a try the second time. It was pleasant and easier for me at nighttime and for being on the go with my 3 year old. Sorry he's being such a jerk about it. |
Anonymous
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My first baby was as hard as they come. My second baby was much easier. It was partly because the baby was easier and partly because I was more experienced from the moment the baby was born. With both I had to use a nipple shield.
Since your baby is due next month, Oct and Nov are the perfect months for you to take your older child to a park and sit on a bench feeding the baby while the older child plays. If DH brings it up again, think about some practical things he could do to support you while you are trying, and let him know. |
Anonymous
| You could always give it a try and not continue if it doesn’t work out. Or try exclusively pumping. Or go straight to formula feeding. It’s entirely your choice and should be supported regardless. Fed is best. |
Anonymous
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A couple things -
First, 100 percent your choice and don’t feel guilty about it. The most important thing is that you are healthy and baby is healthy and fed. Maternal stress plays a major factor. Second, you can consider trying breastfeeding without pressure to commit or power through if it sucks. Like, even a few days of colostrum is beneficial if that’s all you end up doing. I wonder if part of your reticence to try is that you anticipate feeling pressure or guilt to keep going if it’s not working for you. I would also tell your husband to drop it. He’s voiced his opinion. Him discussing his preference does not make nursing magically easy and his continuing to press on the issue will only cause you stress leading up to the birth and possible resentment thereafter. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is right. |
Anonymous
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My first wouldn’t latch and my second nursed like a pro! It was a 100% easier the second time around. I also felt no guilt quitting at 9 months when she lost interest and my supply tanked.
You should do what works best for you, but if it’s mostly an irrational fear and you DO want to breaStfeed, there’s no harm in trying. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is wrong. It's your body and it's not up to him whether breastfeed. I did have a slightly easier time with my second child, at first, but I also had a much lower ability to handle all the effort it took to breastfeed - the crazy around-the-clock nurse, pump, bottle feed routine, namely - so I exclusively pumped after about two weeks. I do regret doing that in hindsight because it made my life a lot more difficult. My kids are less than two years apart and I went from lactating for my first (also pumped) straight to pregnancy with my second FWIW. |
Anonymous
Yes, I would try but if it doesnt work than that will be ok too. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I guess pressuring was the wrong word. He’s very supportive and I would say he’s more encouraging me to do it. Things like
“ You should I just try. It might be different this time”. I’m in healthcare and I do understand the importance of breast milk, but I’m not sure it will be good for me physically or mentally. Our first child just turned 2 this month and things are fresh. He did offer to help as much as possible to make it happen. We also have a lovely nanny for our older child who is willing to help. |
Anonymous
| I think you should combo feed from the start. Doing the benefits of breastmilk come from the presence of breastmilk not the absence of formula? Plan to supplement with formula from the beginning and if nursing comes easier the second time (my experience with my first was nowhere near as bad as yours but it was a bit rough and I was shocked by how easily my second kid latched and drank his fill from birth) you can keep doing it and if it’s a disaster again you can switch to formula pretty easily. |
Anonymous
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It is 100% your choice, OP, and whatever is best for you is best for baby, too.
If you are open to anecdata, I was shocked at how much easier it was the second time around. I really loved it and was surprised at how easy and enjoyable it was. But all that said, whatever make you feel the most comfortable and the most confident is the right answer! Good luck, and congratulations. |