Ex told DC our financial arrangment

[Anonymous]

I have not shared before with DC what our split of expenses is. Ex unilaterally told 12 yo DC this without telling me and I then heard it from DC.

I had thought this was age-inappropriate, am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Ok? Maybe kid thought dad was not paying for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not shared before with DC what our split of expenses is. Ex unilaterally told 12 yo DC this without telling me and I then heard it from DC.

I had thought this was age-inappropriate, am I wrong?

At this point, that's not his problem. You are divorced and if EX thinks it's okay to tell, it's okay to tell.

[Anonymous]

You mean your child's parent decided to tell him something without checking in with you? Was the information factual?

Do you check in with his father before you tell your DC any factual information which you may or may not agree with? If not, MYOB.

[Anonymous]

I would consider it age-inappropriate, but what’s done is done.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I wouldn't do that. ExDH and I agreed we wouldn't make finances our kids' issue. We just assured them college would be paid for, and all their wants would be covered and some of their needs. If they asked for specifics like "how much child support do you get/give for me" we both said "You don't need to know the details." Our oldest kid is 29 and he still has no idea which of us paid for what.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. This isn't a hill you want to die on.

[Anonymous]

If he told the kid the truth, it's not worth making an issue of it. Your ex is going to make different parenting decisions than you do, and you're going to have to suck it up and deal. That's what happens when you're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I wouldn't do that. ExDH and I agreed we wouldn't make finances our kids' issue. We just assured them college would be paid for, and all their wants would be covered and some of their needs. If they asked for specifics like "how much child support do you get/give for me" we both said "You don't need to know the details." Our oldest kid is 29 and he still has no idea which of us paid for what.

all their wants and some of their needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he told the kid the truth, it's not worth making an issue of it. Your ex is going to make different parenting decisions than you do, and you're going to have to suck it up and deal. That's what happens when you're divorced.

+1. I also don't see this as a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Why is this an issue if it’s truthful? Frankly it seems like good parenting.

[Anonymous]

At age 11,I personally think it’s good for the kid to understand at least at a high-level, that both parents are contributing to their expenses. I’m sure some of your concern is that it’s your ex and you’re probably biased to them making a decision separate from you.

I am not divorced. However, at a relatively young age or so, we told our kids, for example, that the credit card we swipe is not an unlimited pot of funds… that although dad works and mom may not that it’s not “dads house” …. That just because mom does most of the shopping that “only mom buys me things”. This is not making finances our kids issue, but making things relevant in teaching.

[Anonymous]

^^” not only mom buys me things”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At age 11,I personally think it’s good for the kid to understand at least at a high-level, that both parents are contributing to their expenses. I’m sure some of your concern is that it’s your ex and you’re probably biased to them making a decision separate from you.

I am not divorced. However, at a relatively young age or so, we told our kids, for example, that the credit card we swipe is not an unlimited pot of funds… that although dad works and mom may not that it’s not “dads house” …. That just because mom does most of the shopping that “only mom buys me things”. This is not making finances our kids issue, but making things relevant in teaching.

Of course I’ve discussed things at this elementary level and more. That does not mean dc needs know exactly what percentage each parent contributes and more than they need to know our salaries or what we paid for the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I wouldn't do that. ExDH and I agreed we wouldn't make finances our kids' issue. We just assured them college would be paid for, and all their wants would be covered and some of their needs. If they asked for specifics like "how much child support do you get/give for me" we both said "You don't need to know the details." Our oldest kid is 29 and he still has no idea which of us paid for what.

all their wants and some of their needs

Lol! My dyslexic self strikes again! Whoopsies.