Newly single AP

[Anonymous]

AP suddenly single as spouse found salacious texts with what would be I suppose a 4th person. As painful as that reality is - a "friendship" with an ex for years and years - I now feel I can't be with this person. The connection is incredible but now I'm full of self doubt now and have zero trust. Anyone sucessfully take their relationship to the next level after their married partner became suddenly single?

[Anonymous]

Oh god don’t do it.

Are you married?

[Anonymous]

Why would you have any trust when you know your AP is a cheater and a liar? If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

[Anonymous]

Yes married and I've been with AP for years so this adjustment is very hard. I understand the cheater issue because I'm a cheater too but would never cheat on my AP.

[Anonymous]

But OP's AP would cheat on the OP. What a bunch of trash. OP, just keep them as a FWB with zero expectations, and keep on f'ing around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes married and I've been with AP for years so this adjustment is very hard. I understand the cheater issue because I'm a cheater too but would never cheat on my AP.

…🤔…

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by “next level” with your AP since you’re married to someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP suddenly single as spouse found salacious texts with what would be I suppose a 4th person. As painful as that reality is - a "friendship" with an ex for years and years - I now feel I can't be with this person. The connection is incredible but now I'm full of self doubt now and have zero trust. Anyone sucessfully take their relationship to the next level after their married partner became suddenly single?

Is the concern that you don’t want to be with this person or is the concern that they were texting with an ex while being with their spouse AND also you? It sounds like they are not into monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

So you’re married and now former AP is not, and you’re asking if it’s time to reignite the extramarital relationship?

Never engage in questionable behavior with someone who has less to lose than you. The “I’m going to tell your spouse” dagger will be held to your neck everytime there’s a disagreement.

If you’re asking should you leave your spouse for this person, no. If you don’t want to be married, get a divorce, and once that is finalized and you have been to therapy to figure out your awful conflict resolution skills, see what ex-AP is up to if you still want to.

Do we think ex-AP is a good choice for a partner. Absolutely not. Unless he too has done a ton of therapy to address his awful conflict resolution skills. And even then, probably still not.

This whole situation could blow up in your face any number of ways right now.

[Anonymous]

It's the betrayal of texting with the ex that spouse found that caused the separation. hard to understand someone married, deep in an affair and texting a third person (ex) because they are "friends". I know it's all doomed such a bummer. Hard to switch to FWB after so many years.

[Anonymous]

This is SUCH a troll post. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Yes. He was cheating on you the whole time. Likely with multiple women in addition to still sleeping with his wife.

I hope someone lets your husband know about this. Gross. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

[Anonymous]

I love those calling this a troll post just shows how effed up my situation is - good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love those calling this a troll post just shows how effed up my situation is - good lord.

So you're OP? I still don't get what's going on. Fourth person?

So you're married and AP was married and now isn't? Or you're single and AP was married and now is single? And AP was having affairs with you AND one other person, this "fourth"? You mention "a friendship with an ex for years" so was that the person sending your AP those salacious texts? Because if you believe this was a friendship with an ex -- you are more naive than anyone in an affair really ought to be, OP.

Do you get that being called troll, and having any configuration of what i wrote above, is all effed up? Maybe stop seeing anyone at all and take time to delve into why you were engaged in a relationship with someone who was unavailable and whether you got off on the secrecy etc. I'm not saying that judgementally though in print it may read that way. But you need to ask yourself why you made this choice, why this person, and why you are not furious that your AP was texting like this with a supposed ex. And why you're willing to believe that this "ex" is truly an ex and not another AP. Quit your AP and focus on yourself and what this affair fulfilled in you, and why you tolerated it.

And yeah, if AP will cheat with you, AP will cheat ON you. Sure, there are couples who began as APs and who last. But look at threads here about people whose APs later cheated on them if they got together. Have more self-respect, and do the work of more introspection, OP.