Are frequent tantrums at 4 normal?

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old nephew has multiple tantrums/meltdowns a day over minor things. It is stressful for the parents and any observers. It seems beyond normal behavior. Is there a way to gently suggest to the parents to seek an evaluation?

[Anonymous]

Your kid's behavior is not normal; get an evaluation to help him and to help your family life.

Important to understand any issues prior to enrolling in school or daycare.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps before jumping to an evaluation, the parents should get parent coaching. That will be a lot less expensive and might solve the problem. they could be feeding the beast.

[Anonymous]

No, that's not age appropriate. My daughter did the same thing (crying and having tantrums over nothing). We got her into parent-child interactive therapy for anxiety and it has done wonders!

Our daycare provider was the first one to suggest that something was wrong. She said something like, "Larla has been having a lot of crying spells over little things. [Examples]. It's not developmentally appropriate at her age and I think you should keep an eye on it and talk to your doctor." We talked to our doctor, who referred us to behavioral health for a screening and then to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s typical. My DD is almost 4 and has them still—though not as many as you list maybe one every couple of days when she’s overly tired or stimulated. She has ASD (subtle presentation). If it’s just meltdowns, perhaps parent training or Pcit like someone else mentioned above. But if there are other issues present—problems around social skills for example, some sensory seeking behaviors, rigidity or inflexibility—then the parents should get an eval.

Since this is your nephew you will need to tread carefully. Parents may already be pursuing things you don’t know about, and even with the best relationship with your sibling, it could be a difficult conversation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice and confirmation. The behavior seemed excessive for the age. I will try to broach it gently.

[Anonymous]

I would be interested to know how you know what the frequency of tantrums are? Sometimes extended family forms opinions about a kid based on too limited an interaction. Do you observe the child often on regular days when he is in is normal schedule? Or only at family events when he's not at home? Because the latter will naturally produce more tantrums in a 4 yr old. Unless you regularly care for the child over the course of a full day, it is very likely you are observing him when he is at his most disregulated.

99 times out of 100, I would advise someone in your situation to say nothing. The parents are with the child all the time, plus at 4 he is either already in preschool or will be soon, and any problems the parents might be overlooking will be flagged by the school quickly if they are truly out of the ordinary. There is little to gain in you trying to talk to them about it, and much to lose.

The one exception would be if the parents are struggling and have reached out to you for help. For instance if they have TOLD you that he has tantrums multiple times a day, even when he's on his regular schedule. If they've reached out to you for help or are themselves reporting this level of meltdowns, of course it is worth it to say "I think that is outside the normal range, maybe you should talk to a developmental pediatrician or behavioral therapist?" But odds are good you don't have the context to know if what you've observed is typical for the child or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid's behavior is not normal; get an evaluation to help him and to help your family life.

Important to understand any issues prior to enrolling in school or daycare.

You clearly didn’t even read the post.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it unless the child’s parents are asking you for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it unless the child’s parents are asking you for advice.

Agree

[Anonymous]

If the parents mention it to you and how much they are struggling with it I think it would be worthwhile to say, have you spoken with the pediatrician about it? Also look into PCIT. Just know that the process for getting a diagnosis is not straightforward or cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s typical. My DD is almost 4 and has them still—though not as many as you list maybe one every couple of days when she’s overly tired or stimulated. She has ASD (subtle presentation). If it’s just meltdowns, perhaps parent training or Pcit like someone else mentioned above. But if there are other issues present—problems around social skills for example, some sensory seeking behaviors, rigidity or inflexibility—then the parents should get an eval.

Since this is your nephew you will need to tread carefully. Parents may already be pursuing things you don’t know about, and even with the best relationship with your sibling, it could be a difficult conversation.

Who’s diagnosing autism at 3years old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s typical. My DD is almost 4 and has them still—though not as many as you list maybe one every couple of days when she’s overly tired or stimulated. She has ASD (subtle presentation). If it’s just meltdowns, perhaps parent training or Pcit like someone else mentioned above. But if there are other issues present—problems around social skills for example, some sensory seeking behaviors, rigidity or inflexibility—then the parents should get an eval.

Since this is your nephew you will need to tread carefully. Parents may already be pursuing things you don’t know about, and even with the best relationship with your sibling, it could be a difficult conversation.

Who’s diagnosing autism at 3years old?

Uh. Plenty of places? The average shoe of diagnosis is about 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s typical. My DD is almost 4 and has them still—though not as many as you list maybe one every couple of days when she’s overly tired or stimulated. She has ASD (subtle presentation). If it’s just meltdowns, perhaps parent training or Pcit like someone else mentioned above. But if there are other issues present—problems around social skills for example, some sensory seeking behaviors, rigidity or inflexibility—then the parents should get an eval.

Since this is your nephew you will need to tread carefully. Parents may already be pursuing things you don’t know about, and even with the best relationship with your sibling, it could be a difficult conversation.

Who’s diagnosing autism at 3years old?

Uh. Plenty of places? The average shoe of diagnosis is about 3.

Age not shoe. But anyways I’m the poster with the ASD DD. She was a late talker (slight receptive/expressive delay/gestalt processor) and had difficulty making eye contact. That was pretty much it. She got diagnosed at Children’s National.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s typical. My DD is almost 4 and has them still—though not as many as you list maybe one every couple of days when she’s overly tired or stimulated. She has ASD (subtle presentation). If it’s just meltdowns, perhaps parent training or Pcit like someone else mentioned above. But if there are other issues present—problems around social skills for example, some sensory seeking behaviors, rigidity or inflexibility—then the parents should get an eval.

Since this is your nephew you will need to tread carefully. Parents may already be pursuing things you don’t know about, and even with the best relationship with your sibling, it could be a difficult conversation.

Who’s diagnosing autism at 3years old?

Everyone.
Are you very old?