Reply to Are frequent tantrums at 4 normal?

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Reply to "Are frequent tantrums at 4 normal?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I would be interested to know how you know what the frequency of tantrums are? Sometimes extended family forms opinions about a kid based on too limited an interaction. Do you observe the child often on regular days when he is in is normal schedule? Or only at family events when he's not at home? Because the latter will naturally produce more tantrums in a 4 yr old. Unless you regularly care for the child over the course of a full day, it is very likely you are observing him when he is at his most disregulated.

99 times out of 100, I would advise someone in your situation to say nothing. The parents are with the child all the time, plus at 4 he is either already in preschool or will be soon, and any problems the parents might be overlooking will be flagged by the school quickly if they are truly out of the ordinary. There is little to gain in you trying to talk to them about it, and much to lose.

The one exception would be if the parents are struggling and have reached out to you for help. For instance if they have TOLD you that he has tantrums multiple times a day, even when he's on his regular schedule. If they've reached out to you for help or are themselves reporting this level of meltdowns, of course it is worth it to say "I think that is outside the normal range, maybe you should talk to a developmental pediatrician or behavioral therapist?" But odds are good you don't have the context to know if what you've observed is typical for the child or not.[/quote]

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