My Best Friend Lied To Me...Again

[Anonymous]

My best friend texted me last night telling me she had just been sent 100 roses by an admirer. I responded very excited for her! I had never seen a bouquet of 100 roses and asked her to send me a picture, which she did. I noticed the picture looked like a stock photo, so I Googled the image, and sure enough, I was right, it was a stock photo! I don't understand why she lied to me. This is not the first time I have caught her telling me a weird totally unnecessary lie. I did not let her know that I found the picture in Google Images and just let her continue to lie. In the past, she has suffered from depression and I do not want to confront her and possibly trigger her depression, but I do not understand why she feels the need to make up these lies! Did I do the right thing by not mentioning it?

[Anonymous]

No good will come from mentioning it.

[Anonymous]

I had (have?) a friend who does this as well. I could never tell what was the truth anymore. I eventually distanced myself. I don't like liars and why is a friend lying to me about something random like this?

[Anonymous]

Is her admirer's name George Glass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is her admirer's name George Glass?

ha! well played, Jan.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? The PP reference to Jan Brady is on point. If this is a grown woman, there is something pretty seriously wrong there.

[Anonymous]

A person who lied like this would not be my best friend. Period.

I'd start distancing yourself big-time. That's not okay.

Whether you tell her or not is a judgment call. Agree nothing good really comes from it, but if you start distancing and she starts asking questions, I would probably answer. "I can't always trust you, I've caught you in a few lies, and that's not my jam."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No good will come from mentioning it.

And no good will come to OP by just ignoring it.

Call her out OP. You can do that with best friends. If you can’t, there’s nothing valuable there anyway.

[Anonymous]

Well, clearly there is mental illness there. You can pity her, and due to lack of trust, distance yourself such that she's not your best friend anymore, but just a friend, or an acquaintance. However I wouldn't put moral judgement on the situation. She obviously cannot control herself if she makes up such an unnecessary lie.

[Anonymous]

I had a good friend who lives in PA that I rarely saw but always talked about her boyfriend. He was never around when I visited and she had no photos of him. She is about 20 years older than me and not on Facebook but it sounded very suspicious. Turns out, the boyfriend had moved away 30 years ago and she was just making everything up. It was really sad. Ended up with early onset dementia and is now in a nursing home.

[Anonymous]

I would ask her if she is ok. It sounds like she needs some help. Maybe call her family? The police for a wellness check?

[Anonymous]

I mean, she’s nuts. She’s probably not able to be anyone’s best friend as she’s so loony. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who would tell lies like this as well. I think it was compulsive, but I notice the lies always, always made her look good. Sometimes she'd do it and I just wouldn't understand because it was such a fantastical lie, and I'd ask follow up questions thinking I'd misunderstood, and she'd get angry and dig in deeper.

She would never admit she did it. Even when it was obvious.

That friendship ultimately died for a variety of reasons and the lying wound up being a side issue and not the primary issue. But in retrospect, it was a massive red flag about her. I think she was deeply insecure and lied to promote or aggrandize herself. She was also hyper-competitive and had a tendency to put me down or minimize things about me (both good and bad -- she'd dismiss my job as "easy" right after I got a promotion, but she'd also minimize the fact that my mom was sick as not a big deal even if I was quite worried). I think it felt threatening to her for anyone else to get even small amounts of attention, praise, or concern, about anything. The lies I think were designed to pull attention.

That's what that roses lie sounds like to me -- an effort to get praise and attention.

It is very hard to sustain a friendship with someone who is always acting out of insecurity AND who views you as a competitor. Even if it's possible, I'm not sure it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like someone with some insecurity issues. Of course she shouldn't lie, but that's pretty clearly why she's doing it. I would discuss it with her in a way that makes it clear that you value your friendship with her (if you do) but don't like it when she feels like she needs to put on a show for you, and that lying doesn't really cut it.

You can't trigger someone else's depression and that is not your responsibility at any rate.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I worry that confronting her will humiliate her! I recently married and I wonder if this lie is somehow connected to that. In our core group, she and I were the last two single ladies and now I am no longer single. I worry that this has affected her more than she has ever let on. I love her dearly and I never want to hurt her feelings, but at our age (50's) I feel it's so crazy to be dealing with something like this. Should I risk embarrassing her and tell her I know she lied or just ignore it and wait for the next lie?