How to strengthen bond b/w two siblings

[Anonymous]

My DS and DD live in different states, attended different colleges, are in different professions and just very different people. I feel like their bond is slowly fading away. What can I do to make sure they have each other's back when I die.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them they have a shared history nobody else has with them, and they have the option to decide their sibling will be their best friend for life or not. Beyond that, it's up to them. You can't control this.

[Anonymous]

Leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave them alone.

Well, that's what I've been doing, hence tge request for advice from wiser humans.

[Anonymous]

Besides modeling for them all their lives that family is important, and that you treat your own siblings with love and care, there's nothing else for you to do.

Relationship has to be organic to be authentic. Just don't get in their way in how they connect with each other, even if their way of connecting is not what you'd prefer.

Your post could have described my brother and I. Yet we're very close, despite my mom playing favorites and spending many years badmouthing my brother to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave them alone.

Well, that's what I've been doing, hence tge request for advice from wiser humans.

NP: but that's what you should do. They are in charge of who they want to have relationships with, not you. You can't micromanage this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave them alone.

Well, that's what I've been doing, hence tge request for advice from wiser humans.

You did your job and raised them. They are their own people now.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you have been good parents and raised them with love and with fairness that both children feel and acknowledge. Hopefully, both kids gre up feeling loved and heard.

The biggest reason for sibling estrangement happens when they feel that their parents do not treat them equally. This is especially true for inheritance. Inheritance should always be equal, regardless of if the parents have helped one sibling more through money or labor during their lifetime. Sibling don't share the same fortune in life. One is richer, healthier, more independent, more successful etc. Inevitably, parents help and support one kid more. That is their prerogative. But, in death - distribute the wealth equally.

Have a family group chat and maybe do one group call every eek. Remind each other of birthdays and milestones. Plan family vacations. share family history etc. There are many ays to make the bonds stronger. Don't judge their partners. Love beget love.

[Anonymous]

It is not your place and you risk pushing them further apart by trying any manipulation tactics. Your job is to love them both and be fair and not do any favoritism. Beyond that you need to stay out of it if there is any chance of them being closer. Nobody wants their mommy forcing a friendship beyond the age of 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you have been good parents and raised them with love and with fairness that both children feel and acknowledge. Hopefully, both kids gre up feeling loved and heard.

The biggest reason for sibling estrangement happens when they feel that their parents do not treat them equally. This is especially true for inheritance. Inheritance should always be equal, regardless of if the parents have helped one sibling more through money or labor during their lifetime. Sibling don't share the same fortune in life. One is richer, healthier, more independent, more successful etc. Inevitably, parents help and support one kid more. That is their prerogative. But, in death - distribute the wealth equally.

Have a family group chat and maybe do one group call every eek. Remind each other of birthdays and milestones. Plan family vacations. share family history etc. There are many ays to make the bonds stronger. Don't judge their partners. Love beget love.

I agree with the inheritance part. I have seen close siblings become estranged over both eldercare and inheritance. I don't think OP should be reminding the other of birthdays and milestones. You can plan family vacations or get-togethers, but it should be merely an invitation not a summons and you need to respect and let it go if one or both cannot come. Also, if they keep turning ot down, stop trying and step back. Friendship is never forced. Even if you can force a relationship for a while, it will not last. They have to chose it for the4mselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Besides modeling for them all their lives that family is important, and that you treat your own siblings with love and care, there's nothing else for you to do.

Relationship has to be organic to be authentic. Just don't get in their way in how they connect with each other, even if their way of connecting is not what you'd prefer.

Your post could have described my brother and I. Yet we're very close, despite my mom playing favorites and spending many years badmouthing my brother to me.

My DH and his sister are in the same scenario. They are night and day different people and not organically close. My SIL makes very little effort to see us or engage with us/the kids when we are together. I know she considers her brother the "golden child" but my in-laws are humble, blue-collar people and do not harp on my husband's success.

What my in-laws do do to try to facilitate a relationship is invite her to everything we're at, but 90% of the time she begs off.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s anything you can do. DH and his brother are polar opposites and always have been and they’re the two closest in age among their siblings. They’re cordial when they see each other and would be there if someone was in need. But they don’t regularly talk to one another and neither would schedule time together independent of a family function. No animosity, just different people. DH has sisters he’s close to as they have common interests and similar personalities.

[Anonymous]

Look up triangulation. You're not doing it, but you're in danger of doing it if you interfere. They have their own relationship and it's not your business to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Offer to always pay if they can travel to see one another. Without you. They need to bond without parents.

[Anonymous]

My two sisters and I are very different, yet the love is there. We don't live in the same states, yet see each other occasionally. Our mother lives in yet another state, yet is very happy when she hears we visit back and forth. She doesn't engineer or micromanage our relationships.