8th grade and no cell phone
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Anonymous
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I know this is a parenting forum, but as a teen, I need advice. I am starting 8th grade tomorrow, and I still don't have a cell phone of my own. My parents considered getting me a phone when I entered 6th grade, but they found out about the Apple Watch. To this day, I still have my Apple Watch, which I can only talk/text to family members on. Throughout 6th and 7th grade I had to constantly explain to my friends that I can't text them, or give them my phone number/snapchat/tiktok etc. I had to ask and exchange parents phone numbers. Apple Watch is also very inconvenient, doesn't deliver messages, lags, and can't forget the fact whenever I would like to make a call, I stand there with it on speakerphone (only option) and holding my wrist up to my mouth. I was left out of group chats, missed out on friends lives, activites, and a lot of social time between me and my peers outside of school. I've tried other ways, such as gmail and google hangouts, but nobody really uses those, and I don't want to bother them with having to use a whole separate app just to talk to me! It makes me upset from time to time, but I have to think from their perspective of why not they would want me to have a cell phone of my own.
- group chats and bullying - social media - screen time - peer pressure - grades - sleep - honesty/hiding stuff - inappropriate content online I am sure there are ways to setup parental controls to help dismiss the intensity of these concerns. I am turning 14 in November, and my older sister got her cell phone when she was 14. I am part of the few people in my grade who are yet to have a cell phone. I think my 14th birthday is a good time to ask, so can I have some opinions and tips on how to do it right, and successfully get a cell phone? |
Anonymous
| OP here, I'm open to any rules and limitations that my parents will set on a cell phone for me, cause I know I can work my way up my earning their trust from following rules. |
Anonymous
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As a parent, you feeling left out of tiktok and Snapchat is a feature, not a bug. Those things are terrible (objectively, researched based terrible) for everyone’s mental health and particularly young teens.
Texting, group chats, and talking on the phone, though, with existing friends, I am receptive to that desire, and I bet your parents would be too. Friendships are so important. Do some research. Ask around at school. Are there other kids who don’t have any social media, but have the ability to text? How? Are these special devices? Special plans? How are they restricted? If you can present a specific, reasonable solution that would allow you talk/text/group chat only, no social media or web browsing, your parents might be amenable. You could even maybe given them the parents numbers of any kids you find with these types of devices - your parents might be interested in chatting with them about their experiences. Also - how old are your parents? If you provide their ages, we can probably provide some equivalents to their generation that will help get your message across. (I’m thinking “this is like you not having AOL instant messenger in middle school, mom. It’s making it impossible for me to socialize!”) And volunteer screen time limits, particularly an evening stop time when the phone (or whatever the device ends up being) is charging downstairs and out of your room. |
Anonymous
| OP: Parents are both 45 |
Anonymous
Do you do Discord? My son does use that. he was also in 8th grade last year. for 9th grade we are giving him a used phone. |
Anonymous
| Agree with the above. Ask to get a phone but volunteer that you will not have social media and you will have limits on the phone use. You can even have a system where the phone is in their possession and you need to get permission to use it, but at least you can be part of the group texts. I have an 8th grader who got his phone the summer after 6th grade and a 6th grader who wants a phone desperately but will have to wait until the end of the year. Neither will have social media for a long time. Both have been left out of certain things, but I am confident their mental health is better because of it. Social media is so very toxic. Try hard to recognize this is what your parents truly believe is best for you and they are very likely correct. |
Anonymous
| OP: No I am not allowed to use any social media/messaging with my current devices. On my laptop I can play roblox, listen to spotify, school related websites, watch youtube, and online shop. Same on my Ipad. On my nintendo switch I can play games. I'm a generally responsible and rule-following kid. grades are a's/A+ |
Anonymous
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I now that it doesn't feel that way, but your parents are doing you a favor. I think you can approach your parents if you have shown yourself to be otherwise responsible. YOU can lay down the ground rules for responsible use, and agree that if you don't follow them, you will lose the phone. As a parent, this is what I would agree to:
*Good grades *No downloading of apps without parental consent *Putting the phone in the parents' bedroom at night, before whatever your bedtime is *No usage during school hours *Location is always turned on *Limiting phone usage to whatever amount of time they find reasonable *Participating in family activities instead of burying your nose in the phone |
Anonymous
| OP: sorry to make this more clear, i am most interested in snapchat and texting friends. not so much interested in tiktok/instagram/other platforms |
Anonymous
I think with that age I’d stick with just “it’s like not being able to talk to my friends on the phone after school. Didn’t you do that when you were my age? Well, now all those conversations are over text and I can’t participate. Can you imagine not having a home phone when you were a kid? It’s like that!” |
Anonymous
Give up on Snapchat. Lean in on texting. |
Anonymous
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OP, if you can make promises and keep them (no social media, etc), then if your parents are reasonable they will trust you.
But if you start sneaking around, the cage will slam shut around you. Are any of your friends' parents friendly with your parents? Ask your parents to discuss it with those parents. |
Anonymous
I think you're more likely to win this battle if you drop Snap. If you show yourself to be a responsible user, maybe they'll let you get it at some point down the road. |
Anonymous
| OP, agree with others to drop the social media. Look at some of Lisa Damour's guidance on this topic; she's a psychologist with expertise in adolescents and has written several fantastic books. She's very clear with parents that when not having a phone limits teens' ability to communicate with friends, that's a problem. She has a podcast episode about getting phones and how to manage it, with explicit discussion of what kinds of restrictions to implement. If your parents are willing to listen, she's very convincing. DH and I are 46 and 47, very aware of the dangers of social media, and also completely on board with this approach. |
Anonymous
| Buy a burner phone. I think in DC you do not need an ID. |