Is there anyone here who has lost a spouse?

[Anonymous]

My husband just passed away, I’m in my 40s and he was in his 50s. Is there anyone here who has lost a spouse? Just wondered if we could start a thread about the grief and loss.

[Anonymous]

I've lost two. What would you like to know?

[Anonymous]

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer when I was 43 and he was 49. Our son was 7 at the time. I joined a young widows/widowers meetup group and that was very helpful.

Hang in there, OP. The pain decreases with the passage of time.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

The evenings and nights are so lonely. The pain is so real.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t, but I have three good friends who lost spouses in midlife so a lot of experience being present for their grief.

In fact recently visited with a friend who lost her husband unexpectedly in an accident just a few weeks ago. Her grief is so intense that she feels she can’t breathe at times.

Also I have been doing hospice care work for almost a decade and have remained in the lives of some of the family whose loved ones I’ve cared for at the end, and have become something of a grief doula. My own grief that I live every day is for my mom, grandma, aunts all gone too soon, and also for my children who didn’t get to be born but nonetheless carved space in my heart, and for suicided friends.

When you are newly in grief some people will say trite sounding things but they really mean well - they want to believe ‘time heals all wounds.’ Some people will back way off because they can’t stand to consider your loss and that there is nothing preventing the same happening to them. Or because they don’t know what to say and don’t want to say the wrong things. But there are surely some who will be there whenever you need an ear and to help you adjust to the new life you find yourself facing.

Grief comes in waves and stays with us forever. It changes us, but in the way that wind and water turn stone to something smooth and softened and beautiful. There is no escaping it so we have to work to keep finding the joy in life as we live our grief, as surely our departed loved ones would want for us.

I’m deeply sorry for you loss OP. Please consider talking with a grief counselor or attending a grief support group, it really does help.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s very tough. Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

I am 45 and lost my spouse last year. Now raising two kids on my own. There are a bunch of widow(er) Facebook groups.

[Anonymous]

Get a pet

[Anonymous]

I lost a boyfriend. I couldn’t breathe for a solid year. It does get easier but the sucky parts really suck. Be patient and don’t put up with ppls bs about your grief, grief makes others uncomfortable but who cares. Try to plan things like trips or classes to keep your mind busy. One day at a time.

Also, get on the list for the wendt center.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your loss.

What helped me: go to a support group.

Get a great therapist who understands you.

Think of the memories you had together and how to honor his memory.

Do things you enjoy and spend time with loved ones who understand what you are going through.

Write down thoughts that you have in a journal or on the computer and save them.

Grief takes a long time to dissipate, but it will improve over time.

[Anonymous]

I also have. I was 49, he was 50. We have three children I continued to raise alone. It’s brutal and I am so sorry you are going through this. A support group or a few widow friends is a great help. Time does lesson the blow but I know that’s not helpful now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a pet

Please STFU.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

My youngest is 21 y/o son and still lives at home. My oldest is 25. Me and my son watched him die next to our bed. The grief makes me feel like I can’t live another day sometimes. This was 2 1/2 weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Two friends - one 47 and his wife died of pancreatic cancer less than a week after diagnosis.

Another his wife got a viral infection to the brain. She survived but has permanent brain damage. At the moment she is a teenager with no short term memory. We all hope she gets better but I think we all know the person we love is gone and have grieve that while caring for this new person 24/7.