Reply to Is there anyone here who has lost a spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous]I haven’t, but I have three good friends who lost spouses in midlife so a lot of experience being present for their grief.

In fact recently visited with a friend who lost her husband unexpectedly in an accident just a few weeks ago. Her grief is so intense that she feels she can’t breathe at times.

Also I have been doing hospice care work for almost a decade and have remained in the lives of some of the family whose loved ones I’ve cared for at the end, and have become something of a grief doula. My own grief that I live every day is for my mom, grandma, aunts all gone too soon, and also for my children who didn’t get to be born but nonetheless carved space in my heart, and for suicided friends.

When you are newly in grief some people will say trite sounding things but they really mean well - they want to believe ‘time heals all wounds.’ Some people will back way off because they can’t stand to consider your loss and that there is nothing preventing the same happening to them. Or because they don’t know what to say and don’t want to say the wrong things. But there are surely some who will be there whenever you need an ear and to help you adjust to the new life you find yourself facing.

Grief comes in waves and stays with us forever. It changes us, but in the way that wind and water turn stone to something smooth and softened and beautiful. There is no escaping it so we have to work to keep finding the joy in life as we live our grief, as surely our departed loved ones would want for us.

I’m deeply sorry for you loss OP. Please consider talking with a grief counselor or attending a grief support group, it really does help. [/quote]

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