Is he boring or just a language/cultural barrier

[Anonymous]

I 41F met a man 39 while watching the women’s match at a bar. He small chatted me and I learned that he is originally from El Salvador. We exchanged numbers but his texting has been a bit dry and I notice his texts are in a bit of broken English. I know Spanish but would feel I am insulting him with my poor Spanish. When I try to ask about his other hobbies or interests or family - I get very short answers. We went on one date to which he laughed at my jokes and told me I was beautiful but didn’t have much healthy conversation after that. I then learned that he grew up in Waldorf on said date.

He initially said he thought I was Dominican to which I said no. I am black - southern black. I can’t tell if there is a language barrier, if he is boring, If I’m too chatty/witty or what it is but there doesn’t seem to be much chemistry and I’m not sure if it’s because of culture or what. He has been respectful and has asked me out again. I don’t want to write him off from one date. But it feels rather snoozy - like I am carrying the load conversation wise. Any guidance?

Pardon errors for grammar and spelling

[Anonymous]

You can't expect to have long text conversations if he's shaky in the language. I would tell him you know some Spanish and want to learn more. Talk to him like I did to my grandma: she spoke in the foreign language, as I understand it well enough, and I would respond in English, which she understood well enough. We just didn't know enough to speak fluently in the other language. Then you can suss out if he's just boring or he's passionate when speaking his language. And you'll learn new words and slang that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't expect to have long text conversations if he's shaky in the language. I would tell him you know some Spanish and want to learn more. Talk to him like I did to my grandma: she spoke in the foreign language, as I understand it well enough, and I would respond in English, which she understood well enough. We just didn't know enough to speak fluently in the other language. Then you can suss out if he's just boring or he's passionate when speaking his language. And you'll learn new words and slang that way.

Yes I can do this- my Spanish is really not good but I am willing to learn. I think my immediate thought was he was disappointed to learn I wasn’t Dominican - so I became self conscious- but when he asked me out on a date— I was happy. But the date was really dry.

[Anonymous]

Is there an activity date you can do? Not so conversation heavy to see how that feels?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there an activity date you can do? Not so conversation heavy to see how that feels?

I can’t tell what he likes to do. I asked this question and he said he mostly works. So I may have to put in some labor which I don’t mind - but I don’t want it to turn into a habit.

[Anonymous]

He sounds not interesting. Dull.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter. You’re not enjoying texting with him or talking with him. You seem to like that he’s paying attention to you, but that doesn’t take a relationship far. So find something to do that doesn’t require talking and focus on that, or move on. Sometimes there’s a hint of a spark when you meet but it doesn’t ignite. That sounds like what happened here. You can try to rub some stuff together to start a flame. I won’t judge.

Why do you not feel insulted that he’s using poor English, but you think your poor Spanish will insult him? Don’t put yourself down or ascribe feelings to other people based on your insecurities.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you aren’t that into him and you’re just trying to force yourself to be because he seems interested. Just move along.

[Anonymous]

I mean you literally said nothing that would indicate you’re interested in him.

[Anonymous]

Don't give up quite yet if he is more enjoyable in person. Some people are not texters, especially men.
I'm dating one of those now. I smother him with my texts, and he takes like a pro. There are fireworks when we are together though. Mine doesn't mind me speaking/texting broken Spanish though.

[Anonymous]

Text him in Spanish. Use a translate app to help.
See if that opens him up more.

Be aware of his cultural expectations, if he spent most of his life in a different country.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like due to language barrier or cultural differences, you two aren't really interested in each other, just keeping it alive due to lack of options.

[Anonymous]

You texted and had one underwhelming dates I don’t hear a lot of reasons to keep dating him, OP. Just get out there and meet as many people as you can, the right one will come along!

[Anonymous]

You sound too intelligent for him.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird you’re trying to make his lack of interest in you a racial thing. You aren’t into him, he’s not into you, and it has nothing to do with you not being Dominican. It’s not even that deep. He’s just some rando you picked up at a bar. Move on!