ILs love to camp in remote locations
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Anonymous
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My SIL and MIL/FIL often suggest meeting up in far-flung locales for camping trips with the cousins complete with rugged hikes, ziplines, etc.
I hate camping. And they camp in true rugged fashion, this is not glamping. How much should I suck it up and how much can I politely decline and just send DH and kids? I am not an outdoorsy person nor a good athlete. I try to suggest other things more to our taste - meeting in a halfway point city for dinner and a show - with limited success. |
Anonymous
| I would just send DH and kids. |
Anonymous
| This is tough because if it's important to them, and they love it, and the cousins love it then I understand wanting to be part of it or at least support it. But I also hate camping and have reached an age that I just wouldn't. In my 20s and 30s I would have sucked it up because I love my inlaws. But I wouldn't do it now, at 45. |
Anonymous
| Do you see them in other settings? If the kids and your husband like to, send them and see the ILs at other times. Their thing is not your thing and that’s fine! |
Anonymous
For me, the older I get the more I suck it up. I find that I don’t want to say no to things that are important to my family. |
Anonymous
I'm the opposite. I am now more comfortable saying no when it is outside of my comfort zone. I also am not a camper. I'd do it under the right circumstances, either glamping or on a supported trip of some type but rugged camping? No thanks. |
Anonymous
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Life is short, and family ties are important.
So, your options are: Suck it up, it's family and important Skip it - not important to you Send spouse and kids, you stay home I would suck it up and attend. My ILs have both passed, and as much as it was incredibly unpleasant being around them, it was important for our kids to have that relationship |
Anonymous
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How much do your kids like it?
If I had a timid child, unable to do the physical tasks or who had trouble eating or sleeping on these trips, I would send my spouse and any kids who DO enjoy it every other year. If all my kids loved these trips and it was my spouse’s opportunity to spend time with his siblings doing something he loves, I would suck it up. I grew up with a mother who called any place she could not plug in a curling iron “camping”. While we haven’t gone back country backpacking, I have learned to embrace a lot of new things. I learned how to ski despite being deathly afraid of ski lifts and heights. I know how to set up a tent and start a camp fire. Every single vacation we go on involves kayaking somehow - despite the fact that wet rental life vests make me gag as does the thought of tipping and potentially putting my feet in mud and vegetation. I have learned how to stand up paddle board and zip line. I have done a lot of things that involved being more hot, cold, sticky, sandy, and muddy than I prefer to be. I look at it as an opportunity to show my kids that we can all try new things and learn new things. They see me be brave and go into these “adventures” with an open mind and often I end up having fun. I grew up with an anxious mother whose every comment is always about what is wrong or what could go wrong - it’s really draining to be around such constant negativity. I don’t force my kudos to do things they hate or things they are truly terrified of, but I do nudge them out of their comfort zone and try to set an example by doing the same myself. |
Anonymous
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Do you want your kids to come home and telling you how great it was? or
Do you want to experience it (your kids' joy and happiness) first hand even though you might be miserable? |
Anonymous
| How many days/overnights? I can do anything for a weekend, but a week? |
Anonymous
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OP, you're fine to decline every time and just send DH and the kids.
It's not for everyone, and no reason you should be miserable just for family's sake. You still see them in other venues. I used to like camping, have done the hike in hike out ones too. But something changed after I had kids. My body can no longer handle sleeping on the ground, even with a camping mat. So I decline every time ILs and DH plan a camping trip. I get some much needed downtime while DH and the kids spends quality time with his family. I have zero guilt about it. I will compromise on some truly amazing locations, though. Grand Canyon? Sign me up! Do it for your kids and special memories in those exceptionally beautifully places, but the rest you can say no to. |
Anonymous
This was my thought…how long is this for? |
Anonymous
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How long/how often are the camping trips?
Do you meet up with ILs in other contexts? How often? How much PTO/money do you and your husband have/need? I.e., does going on camping trips mean no other vacation for that year? My gut instinct would be to say just send your spouse and kids if they have fun and enjoy your time to yourself but if this is the only opportunity to see the ILs that would feel rude and if that meant you guys never got to go on vacations as an immediate family, that would be a big issue. But also you should have to suck it up for a week or more of backwoods camping without real showers if you hate that kind of thing! |
Anonymous
Same. Somehow I've married twice to men very close to their very big, very active families. My first marriage, I went to everything all the time and was miserable after several years of it. We never went on our own trips; it was all extended family, all the time and we lived near them so it was nonstop. This time around, I compromise and go on half the vacations w/my husband's family. Our kid loves them and husband does as well. I go enough to not be offensive, but not so often that I want to rip my hair out. They're nice people, but I value and crave more quiet and downtime vs their nonstop action. |
Anonymous
| I would decline. "That sounds like something to get through, not something I would enjoy at all and I'd hate to bring down the mood with my unhappiness. So I'm going to abstain from these sorts of trips, but you enjoy!" |