i hate keeping secrets...

[Anonymous]

So my sister and her BF recently got engaged last week. While I am happy for her, she called me and told me to not tell our parents, since my mother is not a huge fan of my sister's fiance.

Once she told me that she had failed some classes in college, and still not to tell our parents (she still graduated college though). She has told me another time that she may have been pregnant from said fiance, and not to tell our parents (turns out she wasn't, it was just a pregnancy scare). She has also told me some things where she and her now fiance have done when they are having sex, which makes me terribly uncomfortable.

I just feel like I am the middle man here. I don't want to have to keep these so-called secrets all the time.

I want to tell her that I can't keep things from our parents or other family members. I won't tell anyone, but I just have anxiety of keeping it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my sister and her BF recently got engaged last week. While I am happy for her, she called me and told me to not tell our parents, since my mother is not a huge fan of my sister's fiance.

Once she told me that she had failed some classes in college, and still not to tell our parents (she still graduated college though). She has told me another time that she may have been pregnant from said fiance, and not to tell our parents (turns out she wasn't, it was just a pregnancy scare). She has also told me some things where she and her now fiance have done when they are having sex, which makes me terribly uncomfortable.

I just feel like I am the middle man here. I don't want to have to keep these so-called secrets all the time.

I want to tell her that I can't keep things from our parents or other family members. I won't tell anyone, but I just have anxiety of keeping it.

Just respond "(sister's name), I can not promise that it won't slip some time, so it would be best not to share that information with me."

[Anonymous]

I've stopped my sister mid-sentence, saying "Stop. Whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it. I don't like secrets. I'm not comfortable hearing about your sex life. Just stop or I'm hanging up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my sister and her BF recently got engaged last week. While I am happy for her, she called me and told me to not tell our parents, since my mother is not a huge fan of my sister's fiance.

Once she told me that she had failed some classes in college, and still not to tell our parents (she still graduated college though). She has told me another time that she may have been pregnant from said fiance, and not to tell our parents (turns out she wasn't, it was just a pregnancy scare). She has also told me some things where she and her now fiance have done when they are having sex, which makes me terribly uncomfortable.

I just feel like I am the middle man here. I don't want to have to keep these so-called secrets all the time.

I want to tell her that I can't keep things from our parents or other family members. I won't tell anyone, but I just have anxiety of keeping it.

Tell her you are uncomfortable keeping secrets, and that you don't want to hear any from now on.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop her while she's speaking, OP. She sounds very, very, dumb.

[Anonymous]

Why would you consider theses secrets? These sound like you sister’s info; there’s o reason to go blabbing to your parents anyway. Outside the TMI sex stuff, this sounds like the kind of thing you should be able to confide in a sister and not expect her to go run and tell mommy and daddy.

[Anonymous]

Tell her, “Everything you’ve told me up until now stays in The Vault. But I want you to know how uncomfortable I am being the secret-keeper. I’m not doing it anymore. Do not tell me anything you don’t want family to know; I have too much anxiety and I feel like I’m in the middle, even if you don’t see it that way.”

[Anonymous]

She’s your sister. Jesus. You don’t have to tell your parents everything she tells you. What are you, 12?

[Anonymous]

I presume she will tell your parents about the engagement and would have told them about the pregnancy. It sounds like she sees you as an ally whom she can bounce things off before going to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I presume she will tell your parents about the engagement and would have told them about the pregnancy. It sounds like she sees you as an ally whom she can bounce things off before going to them.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my sister and her BF recently got engaged last week. While I am happy for her, she called me and told me to not tell our parents, since my mother is not a huge fan of my sister's fiance.

Once she told me that she had failed some classes in college, and still not to tell our parents (she still graduated college though). She has told me another time that she may have been pregnant from said fiance, and not to tell our parents (turns out she wasn't, it was just a pregnancy scare). She has also told me some things where she and her now fiance have done when they are having sex, which makes me terribly uncomfortable.

I just feel like I am the middle man here. I don't want to have to keep these so-called secrets all the time.

I want to tell her that I can't keep things from our parents or other family members. I won't tell anyone, but I just have anxiety of keeping it.

My middle sister was one of my best friends growing up. Sometimes there are things siblings can share that don’t need to involve parents or lord forbid other family members. Sometimes my sisters would tell me things as they were working through them and they weren’t ready for our parents to know. Some things they told me that I will take to my grave and I don’t feel in the middle. Not my story to tell.

If you can’t parse out your relationship with your sister from the one with your parents, set the boundary with her I guess.

[Anonymous]

You’re nuts, sorry. Sisters keep “secrets” …it’s job #1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s your sister. Jesus. You don’t have to tell your parents everything she tells you. What are you, 12?

+1. Grow up OP and be a sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s your sister. Jesus. You don’t have to tell your parents everything she tells you. What are you, 12?

This. These aren’t really secrets. You sound more like you want to gossip. Would you really run to your mom when your sister isn’t even sure she’s pregnant but thinks she might be and needed someone to talk to about it?

Stop gossiping!

[Anonymous]

If you’re not comfortable, tell her so. But I find it sad you have the urge to tell your parents everything about her. I shared my pregnancy with my sister first and she shared her engagement with me before either of us told our parents. For things like failing classes we would coordinate calls so that the person sharing bad news would have her sister call soon after to run interference with parental disappointment, etc. It’s nice to have a sister who trusts me with this stuff and to have someone I know I can always trust.