Friends that make you feel bad that you don’t “do” anything now

[Anonymous]

I retired early, my husband does well so I could. I don’t like to work out, garden, or have hobbies but I’m happy. I do volunteer on occasion but after working 40 years, I like to “do” nothing or just walk my dog. What’s with oeople, live your own life please!

[Anonymous]

No one can “make you feel bad.” You are in control of your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Do you tell them? "Are you trying to make me feel guilty for enjoying my free time, after working for four decades?"

[Anonymous]

They probably feel bad for you because to them and most people it sounds a bit dull. But whatever, do what you want. If you aren’t having a good time with your friends, find new friends.

[Anonymous]

I come from a low-energy family. We don't do a lot. I'll sometimes worry that I'm not actively preventing dementia, or something like that, so I exercise (low-key), read, keep up with current events and discuss them, and volunteer with my favorite organization. Also, I'm still raising teens, which is an adventure in itself. But I do not work at a job.

All my friends are more active (they all work), and they must wonder at me. But they're kind enough not to mention it.

[Anonymous]

They assume no structure/purpose gets old after a while.

If it does not for you, just explain how much you enjoy your current life (i.e., Having freedom)

They do not really care what you do or do not do. You should not get defensive. Just own who you are (and stop imagining that you are being judged).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can “make you feel bad.” You are in control of your feelings.

This. OP needs to own her own insecurity and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, look for other friends and other acquaintances. Especially if they aren't retired, there's a hug gap in understanding.

[Anonymous]

I have been retired for three years, I stay up until 2 am and then sleep until noon or later everyday, sometimes spend whole days watching TV or on my computer or napping, other days I play golf or go to the pool or play cards, take an occasional trip, go to an occasional movie or play, tutor kids for an hour or two a week, you get the idea....I do what I want, when I want, as much or as little as I want. Retirement is great.

If anybody I knew gave me any crap about my choices I would laugh at them and possibly avoid them in the future because it's none of their business and I don't care what they think.

[Anonymous]

They’re jealous.

[Anonymous]

In being a sahm by choice in a place where this is unusual, I understand. They don’t understand you but it isn’t personal. You might want to find more kindred spirits though so you don’t feel like a freak.

[Anonymous]

I have seven siblings, all retired but me. But based on how I felt when not working, I want to keep working; that's just me. They all seem to like it just fine, doing puzzles, online games and a bit of gardening. None of them are self-conscious about it, nor should you be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I retired early, my husband does well so I could. I don’t like to work out, garden, or have hobbies but I’m happy. I do volunteer on occasion but after working 40 years, I like to “do” nothing or just walk my dog. What’s with oeople, live your own life please!

If you truly like them and enjoy them and aren't just keeping the relationship because you have friends so long or are afraid of change, here are some things you could try:

*Just honestly and non-defensively say "I know you mean well Lola, but I am actually really enjoying my retirement. It sounds like you will want something different when you retire and that is fine too."

*Once you have been assertive and respectful and she just won't stop "Mirtha, I think we need to agree to disagree. We are all different. This is what works for me. I prefer not to discuss it further."

*If she accepts no boundaries, shut it down without words. As soon as she gets on your case, make an excuse to end the visit/call/texting. Also, don't bring it up yourself. I have close friends where I know certain topics are taboo because it brings out a side of them I don't like. I am fine with just not bringing those things up because I enjoy them otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I'm retired, after 35 years as a teacher. I was strictly regimented throughout my work life, early early mornings,late late days, graduate school for years, never ending work load. Once one enters a school building as a teacher, one might not see the light of day for the entire week- no windows. Bathroom breaks are rare and strategically orchestrated. I never sat for sny length of time. Lunch was about 20 minutes at my desk. I had to sign out even to go to my car! No leaving the site, either, unless there's permission. Subs were impossible to find, so we worked while sick. 35 years.

You better believe I am enjoying my retirement- the kind with no rules, no structure. I go to bed when I want, go where I want ,eat when I want. I don't need cruises, big vacations, lavish meals. I'm really happy. My dogs are thrilled too. Lucky dogs during this time of our lives!

Yes, I have friends who go on month long trips, then come home and plan the next one. They think only of travel. It's not my thing, generally, but we do travel some. I happily point out that the natives of the country they are visiting are just going about their day- working, having coffee, shopping, etc. , and most will never leave their village, town, or whatever to come here and sightsee, yet my friends think they are fascinating to look at and it makes them wordly to see other people "not doing much." Isn't that ironic? There's a lot of privilege in these friends' statements.
Many struggle with a lack of structure. I am celebrating that over here, not wishing for it. I meet my friends for dinner or lunch and I don't want to be in an over 55 where cliques form out of necessity withva group of same aged people, and things are always planned.
I volunteer, read, paint, hike, exercise, cook, etc. There is a party in my head all day.
Somehow if others don't see that, they think I'm not doing anything, which couldn't be further from the truth. I throw a picture every now and again on FB to appease those who probably also need to see a newsletter! This is insecurity on their part- not yours or mine.
Live your life, OP. You get to choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm retired, after 35 years as a teacher. I was strictly regimented throughout my work life, early early mornings,late late days, graduate school for years, never ending work load. Once one enters a school building as a teacher, one might not see the light of day for the entire week- no windows. Bathroom breaks are rare and strategically orchestrated. I never sat for sny length of time. Lunch was about 20 minutes at my desk. I had to sign out even to go to my car! No leaving the site, either, unless there's permission. Subs were impossible to find, so we worked while sick. 35 years.

You better believe I am enjoying my retirement- the kind with no rules, no structure. I go to bed when I want, go where I want ,eat when I want. I don't need cruises, big vacations, lavish meals. I'm really happy. My dogs are thrilled too. Lucky dogs during this time of our lives!

Yes, I have friends who go on month long trips, then come home and plan the next one. They think only of travel. It's not my thing, generally, but we do travel some. I happily point out that the natives of the country they are visiting are just going about their day- working, having coffee, shopping, etc. , and most will never leave their village, town, or whatever to come here and sightsee, yet my friends think they are fascinating to look at and it makes them wordly to see other people "not doing much." Isn't that ironic? There's a lot of privilege in these friends' statements.
Many struggle with a lack of structure. I am celebrating that over here, not wishing for it. I meet my friends for dinner or lunch and I don't want to be in an over 55 where cliques form out of necessity withva group of same aged people, and things are always planned.
I volunteer, read, paint, hike, exercise, cook, etc. There is a party in my head all day.
Somehow if others don't see that, they think I'm not doing anything, which couldn't be further from the truth. I throw a picture every now and again on FB to appease those who probably also need to see a newsletter! This is insecurity on their part- not yours or mine.
Live your life, OP. You get to choose.

This may be one of my favorite posts, and the bolded is definitely my favorite sentence, on this forum. Bravo!