why am i so weird around people with "authority"??

[Anonymous]

I'm 40, I'm reasonably accomplished, I am comfortable talking with random people like another parent at the playground or a chatty person in line next to me. But as soon as someone has a position of authority I turn into a nervous, awkward, weirdo.

I'm not talking like the governor or the CEO of a huge company (though I'd like to be able to be relaxed and normal around those people as well)...I'm talking about the principal at my sons school (who is younger than me), the director of the gym i belong to, even the head of our HOA. It's like I turn into an awkward little kid again who can't make casual convo and instead is just nervous and avoids. why oh why am i this way?!

[Anonymous]

You're weird, that's why. I mean, the director of a GYM? Come on.

But! If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. I watched a woman get very flustered upon finding out my husband opened a law firm. She spent the whole night wanting to talk to him but not knowing what to say and laughing and just being odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're weird, that's why. I mean, the director of a GYM? Come on.

+1

[Anonymous]

There's something about people who you perceive as being in positions of authority that's triggering you - and it's rooted in your childhood. Try to remember that when these folks go home, they have the same problems as you. Kids, spouse, bills, neighbors, in-laws etc.

[Anonymous]

Me, too, OP. I'm kind of fascinated by myself because it's so odd.

[Anonymous]

Same, OP. And it is weird and I don’t like it

[Anonymous]

Maybe your parents raised you to be a sheep not a lion.

[Anonymous]

Social anxiety

[Anonymous]

What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're weird, that's why. I mean, the director of a GYM? Come on.

But! If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. I watched a woman get very flustered upon finding out my husband opened a law firm. She spent the whole night wanting to talk to him but not knowing what to say and laughing and just being odd.

Maybe she didn't understand that this means he hung out his shingle and hired a paralegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

Same here! It’s definitely rooted in your childhood, OP.

[Anonymous]

Sexual tension

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexual tension

What? Haha (NP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

This is interesting because I feel exactly the same way; however, my parents were really very benign - just basic 70s and 80s parenting.

Also, I actually do have some power at work. I am a department director at a major academic medical center with about 30 doctors and other healthcare professionals reporting to me. I am very well known in my field in both the US and abroad, and if I “say the word” I can (often) get people jobs, convince professional organizations to give someone an award, and strong arm our trainees get top tier fellowships. I have no problem being assertive and even outright aggressive (if necessary) in a professional setting with my colleagues, and I will fight tooth and nail for my group and my patients.

However, I shrink away and become tongue-tied and scatter-brained when I have to interact with figures of authority outside of my own sphere - like principals, store managers, etc.

It is very weird and I have not been able to overcome it.
I’m actually kind of relieved to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Anonymous]

I fight authority, authority always wins