why am i so weird around people with "authority"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

This is interesting because I feel exactly the same way; however, my parents were really very benign - just basic 70s and 80s parenting.

Also, I actually do have some power at work. I am a department director at a major academic medical center with about 30 doctors and other healthcare professionals reporting to me. I am very well known in my field in both the US and abroad, and if I “say the word” I can (often) get people jobs, convince professional organizations to give someone an award, and strong arm our trainees get top tier fellowships. I have no problem being assertive and even outright aggressive (if necessary) in a professional setting with my colleagues, and I will fight tooth and nail for my group and my patients.

However, I shrink away and become tongue-tied and scatter-brained when I have to interact with figures of authority outside of my own sphere - like principals, store managers, etc.

It is very weird and I have not been able to overcome it.
I’m actually kind of relieved to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Tell us more about the power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

This is interesting because I feel exactly the same way; however, my parents were really very benign - just basic 70s and 80s parenting.

Also, I actually do have some power at work. I am a department director at a major academic medical center with about 30 doctors and other healthcare professionals reporting to me. I am very well known in my field in both the US and abroad, and if I “say the word” I can (often) get people jobs, convince professional organizations to give someone an award, and strong arm our trainees get top tier fellowships. I have no problem being assertive and even outright aggressive (if necessary) in a professional setting with my colleagues, and I will fight tooth and nail for my group and my patients.

However, I shrink away and become tongue-tied and scatter-brained when I have to interact with figures of authority outside of my own sphere - like principals, store managers, etc.

It is very weird and I have not been able to overcome it.
I’m actually kind of relieved to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way.

You’re exaggerating. Sure, you can get people jobs in your department. You might have badgered a fellowship PD into taking your resident once, but if you keep trying, you’ll get stonewalled.

[Anonymous]

I get nervous around police officers and I am ridiculously law abiding

[Anonymous]

My older sister relentlessly teased and bullied me as a child. I am a woman. I am easily intimidated by other women. Women don't respect me in the workplace because I have never been married, and I have no children.

[Anonymous]

I get the same way OP & am glad I am not the only one who feels like this.

I think I am just intimidated by people of authority because compared to me - they have achieved something more than I ever have.

I think….??!

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher with a very nice principal but if I'm told to go see him, it's an automatic response. Heart racing, sweating, racing thoughts. He saw how I looked the first time it happened so he said I wasn't the only one with that response.

[Anonymous]

Same here op it's very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your parents like? I struggle with authority figures because my parents mostly ignored me when I was child, except when they were upset with me (when they'd yell at me or hit me). So I grew having no idea what to do with authority other than obey and hope I go unnoticed. I am particularly uncomfortable with the attention of authority figures, even positive attention -- I do not trust it and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get tongue tied and don't know how to proceed. I am afraid of being punished and most comfortable being ignored, though of course also being ignored is triggering.

I guess that makes me "weird" according to PPs. I don't think I'm weird at all -- my issues are pretty easy to explain. But people have low tolerance for difference or difficulty. Why isn't that weird, I wonder? I guess I don't make the rules (I'm not an authority figure).

This is interesting because I feel exactly the same way; however, my parents were really very benign - just basic 70s and 80s parenting.

Also, I actually do have some power at work. I am a department director at a major academic medical center with about 30 doctors and other healthcare professionals reporting to me. I am very well known in my field in both the US and abroad, and if I “say the word” I can (often) get people jobs, convince professional organizations to give someone an award, and strong arm our trainees get top tier fellowships. I have no problem being assertive and even outright aggressive (if necessary) in a professional setting with my colleagues, and I will fight tooth and nail for my group and my patients.

However, I shrink away and become tongue-tied and scatter-brained when I have to interact with figures of authority outside of my own sphere - like principals, store managers, etc.

It is very weird and I have not been able to overcome it.
I’m actually kind of relieved to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way.

This is OP and i'm almost the same across the board, even down to working in healthcare - I have no discomfort around my CEO, senior people i'm working with in a professional context or anything else where I'm in my professional role (except with heads of cardiology departments but thats more bc they always seem so aggressive which throws me off). Its when I'm not in my professional role, I suddenly get so uncomfortable. It drives me crazy....why can't I just have a natural convo with the principal of my kids school, he's friendly, i pay the school a fortune, he's younger than me, and I'm generally a good advocate for my kids...but freeze up like I'm so how going to blow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get nervous around police officers and I am ridiculously law abiding

I'm nervous around them because they have guns and apparently limited de-escalation abilities and trigger fingers.

[Anonymous]

This is me too. So weird and now as a parent it’s worse because I’m also nervous when the person has authority over my kid. I can’t really trace it to anything from my childhood but I am a control freak so maybe don’t like when people have power over me or my kid. It’s awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get nervous around police officers and I am ridiculously law abiding

I'm nervous around them because they have guns and apparently limited de-escalation abilities and trigger fingers.

While I know that there are bad apples in every profession, I've been a LEO for over ten years and never fired my gun in the line of duty. Furthermore, I go out of my way to smile and say hi to people to try and be less intimidating. I think the nervous thing comes because we're dressed in tactical gear. If you saw me out to dinner with my family or girlfriends you'd have no idea I was a cop. I love make up, fashion, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get nervous around police officers and I am ridiculously law abiding

I'm nervous around them because they have guns and apparently limited de-escalation abilities and trigger fingers.

While I know that there are bad apples in every profession, I've been a LEO for over ten years and never fired my gun in the line of duty. Furthermore, I go out of my way to smile and say hi to people to try and be less intimidating. I think the nervous thing comes because we're dressed in tactical gear. If you saw me out to dinner with my family or girlfriends you'd have no idea I was a cop. I love make up, fashion, etc.

That's why we need more women in law enforcement.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, i think I’m like that with actual authority figures (my boss mostly, or principal at my kids schools — people with actual power over my life). No issues being entitled with a gym manager or what not.

But I’m sure my authority aversion is from an alcoholic dad who really ignored the kids except to yell when upset. So any attention was bad attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get nervous around police officers and I am ridiculously law abiding

I'm nervous around them because they have guns and apparently limited de-escalation abilities and trigger fingers.

While I know that there are bad apples in every profession, I've been a LEO for over ten years and never fired my gun in the line of duty. Furthermore, I go out of my way to smile and say hi to people to try and be less intimidating. I think the nervous thing comes because we're dressed in tactical gear. If you saw me out to dinner with my family or girlfriends you'd have no idea I was a cop. I love make up, fashion, etc.

That's why we need more women in law enforcement.

PP female cop here. I agree with you 100%. Many women are afraid that they couldn't do the job because of the physical aspect, but so much of it is social work - communicating and problem-solving. I'm petite so my goal is to always talk bigger people into handcuffs rather than immediately getting aggressive. That being said, I'd be lying if I said the job doesn't get physical in terms of fists, wrestling, fighting, etc. You can't always just talk - sometimes you have to match their energy.

Regardless, we're humans and it would be great if the media could help humanize the badge a bit more. We do a lot of good work but nobody pays attention to that stuff. My apologies for the off topic rant.