Rude to clean in-law's summer cabin?

[Anonymous]

This is a shared home and we trade off weekends. It's very small and beyond cluttered with ancient toys, knick knacks from the 1970s, old broken crayons, nonworking lamps, every surface covered. It's cluttered to the point that there's no room to unpack.
We've been married 20 years. I usually just deal but it's just an unpleasant stay. Would it be rude to ask my MIL (we have a good rel) if she'd be open to a cleaning service or even a decluttering service?

[Anonymous]

Go for it. She needs to face reality

[Anonymous]

If it's your IL's cabin then, yes, it's rude.

[Anonymous]

Can you start with tossing the crap like the broken crayons, and then seeing what makes sense as a next step?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's your IL's cabin then, yes, it's rude.

I agree on principle but I would straighten just a bit each visit and see if there was any pushback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you start with tossing the crap like the broken crayons, and then seeing what makes sense as a next step?

+1. Toss the crap no one will miss, and don't say anything. Crayons, cooking implements, that kind of thing.

Next step is either to repair some of the non working things (inevitably some will be beyond repair but you start with taking them for repair) or boxing unnecessary toys etc and setting them in a closet. You might want to ask first. Do not discard anything that could be sentimental or "valuable."

[Anonymous]

By shared home, do you mean you are all co-owners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By shared home, do you mean you are all co-owners?

I assume not, given the post title includes "IL's cabin."

[Anonymous]

why would you go to this place for 20 years every other weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why would you go to this place for 20 years every other weekend?

Good question.

[Anonymous]

No reason not to tidy the space by clearing what appears to be trash (broken crayons, etc.), but not by throwing it away. just put the trash-appearing items in boxes and tuck in a corner. That's not going to be worse than "beyond cluttered with ancient toys, knick knacks from the 1970s, old broken crayons, nonworking lamps, every surface covered ... cluttered to the point that there's no room to unpack." But it also means nobody can get angry that things are missing. Eventually you can see if the boxes can be disposed of.

Be gentle with the things, but pack well and tightly in good boxes. Stack them safely. Use the space. If anyone asks, it's all still right there.

[Anonymous]

PS: I generally wouldn't do that with my in-laws' space, but if you have been trading off weekends for 20 years straight, the situation is a little different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By shared home, do you mean you are all co-owners?

I assume not, given the post title includes "IL's cabin."

I agree, but OP is going to this location so frequently that it didn't fully make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No reason not to tidy the space by clearing what appears to be trash (broken crayons, etc.), but not by throwing it away. just put the trash-appearing items in boxes and tuck in a corner. That's not going to be worse than "beyond cluttered with ancient toys, knick knacks from the 1970s, old broken crayons, nonworking lamps, every surface covered ... cluttered to the point that there's no room to unpack." But it also means nobody can get angry that things are missing. Eventually you can see if the boxes can be disposed of.

Be gentle with the things, but pack well and tightly in good boxes. Stack them safely. Use the space. If anyone asks, it's all still right there.

I like this approach.

[Anonymous]

My parents home, now occupied by my adult siblings, is like this. I wouldn't stay there if I had other options because there are droppings and dustmites. It is inevitable when thing are not cleaned regularly. I clean the bathroom, the kitchen areas that we prepare food on, and ziplock everything that I don't want vermin to crawl on. I live out of my zippable suitcases and cosmetic bags. I would not bring my Dh and children to stay there.