I don’t like my 9 year old DD

[Anonymous]

My daughter is turning into a monster. She has a bad attitude on a daily basis. She’s incredibly disrespectful to me in particular. Is this a normal phase? How long does it last? What are tips for managing this?

[Anonymous]

I’m going through this with my 7 year old. I’m trying to focus on her good qualities and reflecting those back to her, catching her being kind, or helpful, or anything positive whenever I can, and telling her how much I love her at calm moments.

I can hear the impatience in my voice most times when I talk to her so I’m really trying to speak to her more in kind ways to balance it out.

I hope it’s a short phase.

[Anonymous]

When it happens around here, we have a screen free week. And it’s hugely helpful almost immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it happens around here, we have a screen free week. And it’s hugely helpful almost immediately.

Same here. The kids are free to express themselves but I don't tolerate attitude and rudeness. Screen free gets their attention.

[Anonymous]

Is she getting enough sleep?

[Anonymous]

What kind of disrespect? Backtalk? Insults? Ignoring instructions?

[Anonymous]

If you don’t put in place repercussions for this type of behavior now, it will be worse when the teenage years start.

I think it is somewhat normal to move away from parent being the center of their world, but that doesn’t mean disrespect is tolerated. Explain the repercussions and hold to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When it happens around here, we have a screen free week. And it’s hugely helpful almost immediately.

Same here. The kids are free to express themselves but I don't tolerate attitude and rudeness. Screen free gets their attention.

PP here. FWIW I don’t do it as a punishment - more like, their behavior is telling me we have been allowing too much lately and we need a re set. The kids experience it as a punishment though!

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, yes, it is a phase. It's normal for kids to push back against their parents, try on rude or annoying behaviors they might learn at school or in movies/tv/books, or become moody/emotional for periods of time as they go through hormonal shifts. All totally normal.

On the other hand, you can't just wait it out. You need to see through the behavior to the person underneath, and as a parent you have to always maintain empathy for that person even when their behavior is annoying the crap out of you. It's really important to understand that the person and the behavior are separate, and to emphasize for yourself (and thus for your DD) that even when you don't like her behavior, you do like her.

This is a really fundamental thing for a parent. It helps her to learn that she is not her behavior and she CAN make better choices. She needs to know that if she messes up, she can fix it.

[Anonymous]

So how many times or at what pattern point does the behavior become the person or personality then?

[Anonymous]

You "don't like" your child? That's a bit extreme don't you think?

[Anonymous]

10 was rough for us. DD just turned 11 and it’s still hit or miss. Loving them and staying connected is really hard but i persevere.
I decided to really decide what was important to me as far as her behavior/attitude and what stuff I could let go. So decide what language is not ok, and be consistent about enforcing consequences for that. But at the same time find something that connected you. I still read to DD at bedtime and I really love laying next to her at night, after reading we’ll talk about our day or anything really… it’s not every night we talk, but it’s the opportunity too with no interference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is turning into a monster. She has a bad attitude on a daily basis. She’s incredibly disrespectful to me in particular. Is this a normal phase? How long does it last? What are tips for managing this?

Any adhd or asd in the family tree? Block and tackle that before middle school

[Anonymous]

Try therapy for her, it will be good for you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is turning into a monster. She has a bad attitude on a daily basis. She’s incredibly disrespectful to me in particular. Is this a normal phase? How long does it last? What are tips for managing this?

I'll trade you for a mouthy, disrespectful four year old boy. Imagine being disrespected on a daily basis by someone who pees themselves, spills their drinks, can't wipe their own poop, can't fetch their own snacks and drinks, constantly breaks things, unbuckles their seatbelt during car rides, and is generally mad when you're not there even though he hates you.