Dreading reunion with old friends

[Anonymous]

Decades ago I was friends with a few women while we were all young and starting our careers. We enjoyed each others company fine but we have all moved on and now some live in different states. They keep up with each other much more than I do with them though because of certain circumstances, mainly distance.

Present day, these ladies are all very successful, they and their spouses make tons of money and have memberships to nice private clubs and go on luxury vacations and their kids are in the best schools that money can buy and excel at everything( sports, academics and the arts). Meanwhile, I feel like I haven’t moved on much at all. I’m very middle-class live in a very middle-class house and neighborhood and I do okay, but I definitely do not belong to any private clubs and the children are in public schools and they are pretty average with their sports and academic achievements and I still live in the same town. Also, I am recently divorced.

I haven’t seen these old friends in years but all their families will be back next weekend for a reunion and they want to meet up with me. I’m so anxious about this I don’t really want to go and inevitability compare my kids with their kids and their European vacations with my camping one but then I feel stupid for that and insecure. I just have a knot in my stomach about it. I know this is my own insecurity, but sometimes it’s just hard to hear about their successes, and realize that I am so far from that world. I wonder often why they even want to include me? I know that’s the insecurity again. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

They want to see YOU, not your bank account or your slide show. They have fond memories of you and want to catch up. Everyone grows and changes in different ways and nothing is all high achievement awards all the time. They have their struggles too—you just don’t know about them (because you haven’t keep up with them as much.) Just go, be happy, own your life the way it is. Maybe someone will have a network connection or boyfriend material connection (or maybe not,) but in any case you’ll have fun reminiscing and that’s always good for the soul. Old friends are the best friends IMO.

[Anonymous]

You knew them before all of the trappings. THey will be happy to share old times and hear about what's going on. WHat's funny, what's not funny, and wonder what ever came of so and so.

[Anonymous]

I'm not friends with my friends for what they can brag about. I'm friends with them because they're smart, funny and kind.

[Anonymous]

I live a very small life as compared to all my super successful college friends. Recently, met them after a few decades and realized we all are facing the same thing - disease, aging, death of parents, children having problems, marital issues, climate change, misfortune of one kind or another, job stress.

In some ways, my life was less complicated than theirs and a large chunk of my life was spent in routine, normal stuff (unlike them) that they felt envious about. I have spent time with my family, my kids, my siblings, my parents, my ILs, my neighbors. And I take naps in the afternoon and my DH cooks. All small things but I am really happy with my small life.

Also, they do not really compare their life with me. They compare their life and successes to the people who are as successful as them and in their circle. I keep thinking that I am like a zooplankton floating in the great ocean of life. I don't need to worry about what the sharks, tuna, squids and crabs are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live a very small life as compared to all my super successful college friends. Recently, met them after a few decades and realized we all are facing the same thing - disease, aging, death of parents, children having problems, marital issues, climate change, misfortune of one kind or another, job stress.

In some ways, my life was less complicated than theirs and a large chunk of my life was spent in routine, normal stuff (unlike them) that they felt envious about. I have spent time with my family, my kids, my siblings, my parents, my ILs, my neighbors. And I take naps in the afternoon and my DH cooks. All small things but I am really happy with my small life.

Also, they do not really compare their life with me. They compare their life and successes to the people who are as successful as them and in their circle. I keep thinking that I am like a zooplankton floating in the great ocean of life. I don't need to worry about what the sharks, tuna, squids and crabs are doing.

I’m similar (did you just go to you 25th reunion too?). And most of my friends have amazing lives, many retired to vacation homes at 45 and multi millionaires while I am gov drone living a MC life. But it was great fun seeing them and we all reveled in old times and stories about our kids and families and such.

I will say many if not most had any visible drama or problems in life — many people do live charmed happy lives for most of their lives so don’t be surprised if you lady friends are happy healthy and drama free, and just be happy to see them.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think they’ll enjoy your company? Will they be kind to you about your recent divorce? Are they kind generally? If yes, then go. If not, and you feel like you “should” go, don’t go. You’re not beholden to the friends you had as an early 20-something, especially not if they aren’t really interested in knowing you as you are now. Not all old friends are worth keeping, even while some are.

[Anonymous]

They just want to see you.

If you want to psych yourself up about it, pretend that you're the millionaire next door and secretly have millions in your bank account. Sometimes confidence is all you need. That and a great outfit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think they’ll enjoy your company? Will they be kind to you about your recent divorce? Are they kind generally? If yes, then go. If not, and you feel like you “should” go, don’t go. You’re not beholden to the friends you had as an early 20-something, especially not if they aren’t really interested in knowing you as you are now. Not all old friends are worth keeping, even while some are.

This. If you’re physically feeling anxious, don’t go. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live a very small life as compared to all my super successful college friends. Recently, met them after a few decades and realized we all are facing the same thing - disease, aging, death of parents, children having problems, marital issues, climate change, misfortune of one kind or another, job stress.

In some ways, my life was less complicated than theirs and a large chunk of my life was spent in routine, normal stuff (unlike them) that they felt envious about. I have spent time with my family, my kids, my siblings, my parents, my ILs, my neighbors. And I take naps in the afternoon and my DH cooks. All small things but I am really happy with my small life.

Also, they do not really compare their life with me. They compare their life and successes to the people who are as successful as them and in their circle. I keep thinking that I am like a zooplankton floating in the great ocean of life. I don't need to worry about what the sharks, tuna, squids and crabs are doing.

I’m similar (did you just go to you 25th reunion too?). And most of my friends have amazing lives, many retired to vacation homes at 45 and multi millionaires while I am gov drone living a MC life. But it was great fun seeing them and we all reveled in old times and stories about our kids and families and such.

I will say many if not most had any visible drama or problems in life — many people do live charmed happy lives for most of their lives so don’t be surprised if you lady friends are happy healthy and drama free, and just be happy to see them.

Oh sorry. Did not mean to imply in any way that they had a life full of drama. They did not. They also had fabulous lives. But, we all are human and we have similar concerns and we connected on that. The more affluent ones arranged for some special treats for all of us and I felt happy that they were in a position to do so and were generous to share it with us. I basically enjoyed everything and was grateful that I was healthy and happy in my life.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do you look? If you look good, that’s all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you look? If you look good, that’s all that matters.

Oh man! I wish I could say that was one area I had going for me but sadly, no. I’m probably pretty frumpy looking now with big hips and thighs and lots of wrinkles. And yup, they are all pretty still.

[Anonymous]

Create a fake backstory about a spicy lover!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you look? If you look good, that’s all that matters.

Oh man! I wish I could say that was one area I had going for me but sadly, no. I’m probably pretty frumpy looking now with big hips and thighs and lots of wrinkles. And yup, they are all pretty still.

Yea, OP - skip the event. You’re not gonna feel good afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you look? If you look good, that’s all that matters.

Oh man! I wish I could say that was one area I had going for me but sadly, no. I’m probably pretty frumpy looking now with big hips and thighs and lots of wrinkles. And yup, they are all pretty still.

Yea, OP - skip the event. You’re not gonna feel good afterwards.

+1. I'm you, OP. Go if you want to, but my situation is similar to yours and I'd skip it. I don't think I'd feel good about myself afterward, but I struggle with insecurity. Anyway, you have my permission to skip it, fwiw.