What would you change if you could

[Anonymous]

In other thread, someone says kids become rude if parents were rude to them.

What mistakes did you make while raising your children and if given a chance to relive, wouldn't repeat them?

[Anonymous]

I’ll tell you one thing I believe and has worked out for 2 generations.

Put your kids in single sex private school for middle school. 6/7/8 grade. It removes them from public middle school chaos in critical years, forces them to focus and teaches lifetime discipline. The amount of homework work and sports required cuts deeply into time available for social media.

The money spent on these years is worth more than College money. Between community college and commuter/on line options you can get a very inexpensive but valuable college degree but with the middle school investment you get lifetime discipline skills and avoid public schools low priority and vortex of confusion middle schools.

[Anonymous]

I would put them in a low stress high school. Their large, super demanding and highly competitive suburban school was a continuous source of stress and lack of sleep.

[Anonymous]

I am bumping the thread.

[Anonymous]

Redshirt and send to a different school

[Anonymous]

Make sure they learned instrument, or another language. Like maybe an immersion program for elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Taken mental health problems more seriously before they got entrenched.

[Anonymous]

I would have taken my own mental health issues more seriously. I wonder what sort of impact they had on my kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have adult children. I’m surprise no one has mentioned fostering a better relationship. I really wish I felt that my parents cared enough to get to know who I am as an adult. They seem to think they know everything about me, but I’ve changed so much since I left home at 18 and they don’t want to know the adult me - just make assumptions and treat me like a kid. I’m nearly 50. I will not make this mistake with my kids. I’m fostering mutually inclusive interests and things we can do together as adults - my parents never did this.

[Anonymous]

I would trust my gut more.

[Anonymous]

Gotten my easy kid into counseling. Who knew she was battling all that anxiety and self-doubt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other thread, someone says kids become rude if parents were rude to them.

What mistakes did you make while raising your children and if given a chance to relive, wouldn't repeat them?

Did not read the thread. Just responding to OP's post.

My BIGGEST regret is that I pushed my kids into the college rat race. The whole two years before they left home was a nightmare. I wish I'd just said, "you're going to XX Public U" and left it at that. I was extremely worried they wouldn't go to good enough schools, and we couldn't afford private college without loads of merit aid.

As adults, all of my children have complained about the process, how stressed I was, and upset when their grades or test scores weren't high enough to get merit aid or full rides at mid-tier schools.

My children turned out fine. None went to an elite college. They are fine, fine, fine, and all that worrying and anxiety just made those two years before each of them left for college pure Hell. Why did I fall into that trap? I was just sucked in along with all the other hyper competitive parents. Terrible, terrible mistake. It ruined the years before they left for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotten my easy kid into counseling. Who knew she was battling all that anxiety and self-doubt?

I didn't realize my kid had ADHD. She's so, so, so smart. She got mostly As. It never occurred to me that she had ADHD. Finally, during her senior year, she told me how much she'd struggled in school and that she'd self-diagnosed herself with ADHD. We took her for a neuropsych, and sure enough, she does have ADHD.

She also has anxiety, but I didn't realize that either. She is a cheerful, calm kid, very popular, and I just never looked beyond the surface.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll tell you one thing I believe and has worked out for 2 generations.

Put your kids in single sex private school for middle school. 6/7/8 grade. It removes them from public middle school chaos in critical years, forces them to focus and teaches lifetime discipline. The amount of homework work and sports required cuts deeply into time available for social media.

The money spent on these years is worth more than College money. Between community college and commuter/on line options you can get a very inexpensive but valuable college degree but with the middle school investment you get lifetime discipline skills and avoid public schools low priority and vortex of confusion middle schools.

This is insane.

[Anonymous]

I would not have had children. I genuinely like children and I think I would have made a wonderful aunt and, maybe someday, I will make a wonderful grandmother if given the opportunity.

But knowing what I know now, if I could go back in time to counselor my young self, I would tell “her” to NOT have children.

I have come to realize I’m not cut to this level of stress, anxiety and uncertainty over someone else, who you have very little control over - the control is less and less as they grow older.