What would you change if you could

[Anonymous]

I would have recognized more that my daughter is her own person. I spent years trying to control everything with her to make her into this person that I wanted her to be. Our relationship is ok, but we aren't close. We are different people and that's fine, I just wish I had just accepted her for who she was.

[Anonymous]

Both my children have SN. One is ASD with low support; one has multiple severe LDs. We concentrated on what we could and they are in good shape to be independent adults. The older one is very close and the younger one needs a few more years. Unfortunately, that meant we did not do some things - like more active body moving things. The problem is that if we had done more of something else, it would mean we would have done less elsewhere - so if we had changed things, they may be fitter now, but not as independent. There is only so much time and energy.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had found a better for high school for my son who hated traditional school but felt there was no other way to achieve success. He’s a maker but has been put in a box by those who think that all he can do is engineering, which he failed miserably. All I want him to feel is success, and he just can’t seem to find it in traditional American colleges.

[Anonymous]

you dont die if you dont go to any ivy league school
take the gap year
work, get life experience

[Anonymous]

I wish I had not given my son a video game device at age 3. Plus I wish we had lived in a neighborhood with lots of kids around.

[Anonymous]

I’d love a thread about the things I did right. One was keeping an every-so-often journal with their funny sayings and doings up thru 4th grade and beyond. He sometimes read it when he was feeling down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have had children. I genuinely like children and I think I would have made a wonderful aunt and, maybe someday, I will make a wonderful grandmother if given the opportunity.

But knowing what I know now, if I could go back in time to counselor my young self, I would tell “her” to NOT have children.

I have come to realize I’m not cut to this level of stress, anxiety and uncertainty over someone else, who you have very little control over - the control is less and less as they grow older.

That's very honest. How old are your kids? They still might change. My kid got pretty delightful in their 20s, far from perfect but much better than a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a thread about the things I did right. One was keeping an every-so-often journal with their funny sayings and doings up thru 4th grade and beyond. He sometimes read it when he was feeling down.

You start one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure they learned instrument, or another language. Like maybe an immersion program for elementary school.

Agree with instrument but learning other languages is an obsolete skill nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other thread, someone says kids become rude if parents were rude to them.

What mistakes did you make while raising your children and if given a chance to relive, wouldn't repeat them?

Did not read the thread. Just responding to OP's post.

My BIGGEST regret is that I pushed my kids into the college rat race. The whole two years before they left home was a nightmare. I wish I'd just said, "you're going to XX Public U" and left it at that. I was extremely worried they wouldn't go to good enough schools, and we couldn't afford private college without loads of merit aid.

As adults, all of my children have complained about the process, how stressed I was, and upset when their grades or test scores weren't high enough to get merit aid or full rides at mid-tier schools.

My children turned out fine. None went to an elite college. They are fine, fine, fine, and all that worrying and anxiety just made those two years before each of them left for college pure Hell. Why did I fall into that trap? I was just sucked in along with all the other hyper competitive parents. Terrible, terrible mistake. It ruined the years before they left for college.

Thank you for this! I will take this one to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put them in a low stress high school. Their large, super demanding and highly competitive suburban school was a continuous source of stress and lack of sleep.

+100. I would put them in a nurturing elementary school with strong teachers and a medium stress middle school so that they have the skills to succeed in a low stress high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have recognized more that my daughter is her own person. I spent years trying to control everything with her to make her into this person that I wanted her to be. Our relationship is ok, but we aren't close. We are different people and that's fine, I just wish I had just accepted her for who she was.

I wish my mom thought this. I'm middle aged and can say, there is still time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would put them in a low stress high school. Their large, super demanding and highly competitive suburban school was a continuous source of stress and lack of sleep.

+100. I would put them in a nurturing elementary school with strong teachers and a medium stress middle school so that they have the skills to succeed in a low stress high school.

Thanks. I might be making a bunch of mistakes but I did do this.

[Anonymous]

I would have pushed through my spouse's resistance and started the kids on ADHD/depression treatment about 10 years earlier than we did. It would have saved a lot of misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll tell you one thing I believe and has worked out for 2 generations.

Put your kids in single sex private school for middle school. 6/7/8 grade. It removes them from public middle school chaos in critical years, forces them to focus and teaches lifetime discipline. The amount of homework work and sports required cuts deeply into time available for social media.

The money spent on these years is worth more than College money. Between community college and commuter/on line options you can get a very inexpensive but valuable college degree but with the middle school investment you get lifetime discipline skills and avoid public schools low priority and vortex of confusion middle schools.

I’m not sure about single sex, but I agree with PP that middle school is the time to get them used to harder coursework and to do a lot of extracurriculars. It makes high school a smoother transition. They will mature and rise to the occasion.