SIL just had a baby and my sister is due in the fall

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile I had 2 back to back ectopics and lost both tubes. Both these girls are 31 and got pregnant at first try a few months after their weddings. I am 36 and started TTC at 34 and have had 2 ectopic pregnancies where I had to have life saving surgery.

Now I am waiting to start IVF. I’m trying to be brave but it’s… a lot. Why does God bless some so much abundance and give others so much misfortune?

[Anonymous]

So sorry for your difficulties. But you know people say the same at later points. Like those of us who have kids who are so seriously mentally ill and violent and we wonder how we got such a bad deal and how such misfortune came our way. Wishing you peace.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. This is definitely a difficult time for you and no one could blame you for feeling sad. I don’t have an answer for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that your life will be the way it’s meant to be and that you will find happiness

[Anonymous]

Op here. I literally have been spending the last two years getting dressed up and celebrating everyone else’s bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, new babies, new houses etc etc

It just sucks.

[Anonymous]

You might want to ask Jeff to move this to the trying to conceive forum. My guess is people will be nicer there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I literally have been spending the last two years getting dressed up and celebrating everyone else’s bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, new babies, new houses etc etc

It just sucks.

And you’ve never had something go right for you that’s gone wrong for someone else? I’ve dealt with infertility, and while showers and new babies were difficult, what the heck do weddings and new houses have to do with it? I’m saying this kindly: seek therapy. You need help reframing what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile I had 2 back to back ectopics and lost both tubes. Both these girls are 31 and got pregnant at first try a few months after their weddings. I am 36 and started TTC at 34 and have had 2 ectopic pregnancies where I had to have life saving surgery.

Now I am waiting to start IVF. I’m trying to be brave but it’s… a lot. Why does God bless some so much abundance and give others so much misfortune?

It sounds as if you have the resources to do IVF. Not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile I had 2 back to back ectopics and lost both tubes. Both these girls are 31 and got pregnant at first try a few months after their weddings. I am 36 and started TTC at 34 and have had 2 ectopic pregnancies where I had to have life saving surgery.

Now I am waiting to start IVF. I’m trying to be brave but it’s… a lot. Why does God bless some so much abundance and give others so much misfortune?

It sounds as if you have the resources to do IVF. Not everyone does.

Op, ask to move forums

[Anonymous]

God is busy with other, bigger issues. This is just biology. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I didn’t think this thread would be so cold toward you. I think the usual advice people give in this kind of situation is that everyone will have their own trial at some point, but that’s not really how life works. You are surrounded by other people’s joy at a time when you are hurt and emotionally AND have physically suffered. That’s awful. Having surgeries and the pain as a physical reminder of loss must be an especially difficult form of grief.

I haven’t experienced your situation but have experienced being the last one to reach a milestone phase of life. It is hard because by the time it is your “turn”, oftentimes everyone else has moved on. I had a tiny wedding by choice because I knew my friends were burnt out on showers and bachelorette trips and had moved on to big houses and babies. It would have felt hollow to try to replicate the celebrating that I did for them and they couldn’t reciprocate because they had new responsibilities. I do still feel sad that I never got my turn, and that was for something as shallow as bride stuff.

So no advice, really. I just wanted to validate you and agree that it must be hard and lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile I had 2 back to back ectopics and lost both tubes. Both these girls are 31 and got pregnant at first try a few months after their weddings. I am 36 and started TTC at 34 and have had 2 ectopic pregnancies where I had to have life saving surgery.

Now I am waiting to start IVF. I’m trying to be brave but it’s… a lot. Why does God bless some so much abundance and give others so much misfortune?

It sounds as if you have the resources to do IVF. Not everyone does.

Op, ask to move forums

OP has already started multiple threads in the infertility forum saying the same thing. This is starting to feel less about infertility and more about attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile I had 2 back to back ectopics and lost both tubes. Both these girls are 31 and got pregnant at first try a few months after their weddings. I am 36 and started TTC at 34 and have had 2 ectopic pregnancies where I had to have life saving surgery.

Now I am waiting to start IVF. I’m trying to be brave but it’s… a lot. Why does God bless some so much abundance and give others so much misfortune?

This is the line that’s earning you any negativity.

[Anonymous]

You don't know their misfortunes. I'm sorry you're hurting. Focus on your IVF journey and try not to compare with others.

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry. I’ve been there and it’s terrible.

[Anonymous]

Nothing other to say than I'm sorry, and an online forum is exactly the right place to post stuff like this -- you can be as raw and petty as you need to to help you get through your day.

Hugs